Where to start...

My DH and I will be married 1 year this month. I have a BD8 and from that marriage a SD9 and SS11. Shortly after marrying, we moved 400 miles to be closer to DH 2 children. DH travels for work for weeks at a time and it simply made things easier for when he was home if we all lived closer. Our hopes were that it would allow the blended family transition to go more smoothly. We would also be able to be involved in his childrens day-to-day lives.

Prior to about a month ago, when DH was out of town, I would have my SD & SS on the weekends when their BM would work. I would take them to activities and even had them during the summer months sort of like a "daycare". BM would drop them off in the morning and pick them up after work.

During the summer months things started out good and then went south. BM would not bring them when she said she would, only bring 1 kid, be at my house early or late, consistently change the schedule and even have me running all over the metro area to meet her. Now I understand changes are going to happen but it got rediculous. By the last couple weeks of summer I had had enough and stopped taking them. Keep in mind that my DH is not around during all of this. There were times that I wanted to have the kids over even when she didn't need me, but then she would say no.

Between that point and now there have been many instances of BM badgering and bullying my DH and I as far as phone calls, text messages and just very rude, immature behaivor and comments. DH and I have prided ourselves with the fact that we have always taken the "high road" in these instanses. For example, a conversation got heated one evening and she hung up on DH (she does that a lot). There were things that had to be worked out and she wouldn't answer the phone when he tried calling back. DH and I went over to her house to work things out. While there, she refused to answer the door and even told the children not to answer the door. So my DH daughter looked at him standing outside the door and continued on up the stairs in the house as if he wasn't even there. While there we also tried calling her and left her messages stating why we were there but she refused to answer or return the phone call. We left after about 10 minutes due to fear of her calling the cops. Next time we talked to the SD & SS about the incident they told us they were told not to answer the door because their BM didn't want DH and I to yell at her.

BM is the type of person that thinks she can bully her way into getting what she wants. In her eyes, you are only as good as the last response you made to her request (if that makes sense). As long as you say "yes" and do as she asks then she's happy and is your best friend but as soon as you say "no", then you will suffer her wrath. There had been a few times that I had said no to something that she wanted but she then took it out on my DH and I felt bad so I inturn changed my mind.

This summer, while DH and I were debating whether or not it was a good idea for me to have the kids for "day care" while he was gone, she stated that I needed to step up and be a mom to these kids. But just a few months ago she told DH that I need to butt out of the parenting issues. She critiques my parenting style and doesn't agree with how I discipline. She doesn't believe there should be consequenses for negative behaivor. (Whatever.... that could be a whole nother post!)

During all of these months, she has called me names, talks ill of my DH in front of the children and fills there heads with mature subjects that 16 year olds shouldn't even be hearing. She also asks to borrow things that are ours and gets extremely upset when the children have a toy, or let's say a 4-wheeler, at our home and we won't let it go to her house. I could go on and on about things that she says or does but I think you get the picture. She is nice to us when she wants these things but as soon as we say no, she shows her teeth!

All of this friction has obviously had quite the impact on my DH and I. When we decided to move closer to my SD & SS, I had no idea how bad their BM was. This has caused many arguments between us because I see how he gives in to her and I refuse to do that. I want nothing to do with her anymore. I don't want any contact between her and I, I don't want her at our house when DH isn't home. I am thru with her. If DH and I are going to be able to stay in this marriage, I can not go through anymore what she has done to us, to me, in the past. When DH is home and SD & SS are here, obviously that is fine. They are always well feed, have a clean house to be in and I always send them home with all of their clothes washed except for what they are wearing. Even though I do these things and am raising a beautiful, smart, kind and caring BD of my own, she still called me a pathetic mother on the phone yesterday to my DH. He is out of town and she wanted to bring the kids over today if there was no school. DH stated that the kids were no longer coming over unless he was home. (Obviously this is a decision we have made based on how she treats me and her irrational behaivor.) She called me a pathetic mother and hung up the phone on him.

She is now telling us to move back to where we came from and frankly, it is sounding better every day. I thought by moving here it would bring us all closer but it has only created a monster in BM. I uprooted my daughter from everyone that she knew and grew up with, not to mention I am no longer near my family and miss them terribly. My DH family is around here but no one spends any time together. So 95% of the time it is just me and my daughter alone in a big ole house. I now home-school her so it is just her and I all the time. I am really wondering why I am here and why I am making my daughter grow up so far away from family. We knew the consequences of that when moving down here but I also thought that we were going to be able to raise our children, since they are still young, more like brothers and sisters.

When we lived 400 miles away, things were so much calmer. Sure, we did A LOT of driving but we didn't have to deal with her like this. I think she feels like we are here to be at her beck and call. Yes, we moved down here for the children but we have a life also that doesn't involve her. She can't seem to understand that.

I am at my wits end. I am ready to pack up and move home. I have even inquired on jobs. I love my DH and aside from this, we have a rock solid relationship. I don't know what to do but I am miserable and fed up from dealing with her crap.

Comments, critisisms, suggestions............anything welcome! Sorry this is so long.