Does anyone else's DH share a dog with the ex?
My DH and the Ex bought a dog when they were still together. The dog lives with us because the Ex lives in an apartment that doesn't allow dogs. My DH and I are not really dog people; i'm assuming he bought the dog for her. This dog is really untrained and bolts the second the door opens, and so at every pickup she runs outside and the Ex will spend 15 - 20 minutes in our front yard playing kissy face and taking pictures with the dog. She will literally sit there and pose and take selfies with the dog. She does this ALL the time. She will also say pointed remarks all the time like 'Oh, I know you miss your MOMMY. I'm your mommy right?' and stupid shit like that. I'm probably overreacting and just being my stupid insecure self but this really bothers me. Not only do I not like her hanging out in my front yard for that long but it's like a constant reminder of their relationship. Does anyone else have this problem or am I really just being completely dumb? -___-
The dog will love you to a
The dog will love you to a depth you never knew existed if you let her. Look up your local Humane Society or other shelter and sign up for a doggie obedience class. Don't go to Petsmart. The ones offered at a shelter ought to be by really good trainers whose goal is to make sure your relationship with your dog is happy and wonderful.
You will grow to love the dog more and more and more when you find you can communicate with her and she will be responsive to you.
Forget ex, even forget dh. Let her be YOUR dog now. You can do this in a way you can never, ever do with skids. I do have a stepdog and he prefers me to all other members of the family even though I only see him 5-10 times a year. It drives my stepdaughter crazy! *snickers evilly*
The dog was purchased by BM long after their divorce but I have told DH that when the dog comes to our house he is MY dog. My rules apply. I'm in charge of him. I'm in charge of anyone who interacts with him. Anyone who can not agree to this is welcome to not bring their dog to my house. Period. Dot.
You have the total power to turn this situation around. I strongly recommend you do so.
Thank you for the advice! I
Thank you for the advice! I have tried to like her but I guess i'm not trying enough. Like I said, I've never been a dog person. Or animal person really. I have really bad anxiety and one of the things that makes me anxious is messes, and so that kind of contributes to why I'm not a big fan of pets. I have considered obedience training though so that way I wouldn't have to worry about her bolting out the door all the time. But, she's not good around other animals and so I am worried about bringing her around other dogs and not being able to control her if something were to happen. I will have to look into it and talk to the instructors if anything. Thank you!
You will become less anxious
You will become less anxious as you see the dog can respond to you and perform a desired behavior.
Call the shelter instructors and explain both your daily anxiety and your fear about her interacting poorly with other dogs. The instructor may suggest a particular class for you or recommend private lessons.
IT IS WELL WORTH IT!!!
It's also possible they will just say "all the dogs are like that--on the first day! Come on down!"
I do know how you feel, I was never a dog person myself and just as fussy about the slobber and mess. Until circumstances brought a dog into my life (not sdog) and changed me forever.
Also, I am just curious so
Also, I am just curious so feel free to ignore if you want, but, if BM purchased the dog after the divorce, why does the dog still come over to your house? Is it because the Skids want him to? Again, just curious
Because I feel sorry for him
Because I feel sorry for him and am afraid of what she will do if she can't use us as her free pet-boarding service. I've gotten him his shots, neutered, chipped, booster shots, obedience training, properly fitting harness, and license because I can't stand to see a dog neglected.
She actually wants me to take the dog permanently but I refuse to because then she'll just get another pet I will have to rescue from her neglect.
So he visits us for anything from a weekend to a few weeks for her convenience or my sanity (so we can get things done for him). It is quite worth it to me. SD and SS both have learned from watching me and the results I get (and the rules I flat out have) how to interact better with the dog so I know he's safer when he goes back there. And while he's at our house he has a great life!
I do this for my own peace of mind.
FYI I don't know how to
FYI I don't know how to delete a thread. Don't comment on that one any further and it will sink lower as more people respond to this thread.
My ExH got remarried. The
My ExH got remarried.
The woman he married (my bio's SM) has dog custody with her Ex. Its written in the paperwork.
Every 2 weeks she drives over an hour away to his house to "exchange" the dog for visitation.
They have no children together, just the dog, its been going on for 5 years now.
She gets 2 weeks and he gets 2 weeks, they exchange on like the 15th and 30th or something like that.
:?
I sort of had the opposite.
I sort of had the opposite. When I met DH, he was living in an apartment, and his ex-gf kept the house, so the dog was with the ex until DH could get the dog. We were together for a year before DH finally bought a townhouse with a fenced in yard. During that year, DH saw the dog maybe 3 or 4 times. He would tell me he missed his dog, but his ex was angry about their break-up, so he stayed away. Toward the end, we watched the dog once, and it freaked me out she knew where the townhouse was because he told me he didn't tell her. I wanted them to do the exchange at a parking lot, but she refused. (Long story...he was giving me some scary information about her threatening suicide, etc over a year after they split up. I didn't meet him until he was living alone, so I didn't break them up.) Anyway...she didn't once ask after the dog once we took him. The dog wad 6 years old, and was with them since he was a puppy. I thought it very odd. DH and I had a fight after we married (a year after we took the dog back) and he emailed her asking if she wanted to see the dog. She flipped out on him telling him he ruined her life, and didn't care about the dog... To think there was this woman on top of BM in our lives!! The dog is now 14 and very happy with us.
I dated a guy who shared custody of the dog. They alternated weeks. They also had a son who only stayed with the mother. Very odd. The dog bit me too.
I wasn't a dog person until
I wasn't a dog person until well, I became a dog person, lol. Take the pup to training, it will make a world of difference. It would be too funny when she was out there on the front lawn for you to throw out one whistle and make the dog come to you and stop the whole show. }:)
^^^^^Yes. There have been
^^^^^Yes. There have been moments when sd15 has decided she will deign to give some attention to sdog but the dog ran to me instead. Now she's more careful when she chooses her moments and she is also much nicer to the dog than ever. This is one instance where it has finally gotten through to her that her own behavior matters.
You may see much less of this woman if she is humiliated by her dog picking you. That can happen and your life can be so much more pleasant and deeply enriched if you put in some effort to training the dog and learning what makes her tick.
The shelter sponsored training I've been to ranged from $40 when I did it (for 2 dogs) to $175 for sdog.
The dog will love you like you've never been loved before if you give her a chance. All it takes is both of you learning a common language.
I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THAT
I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THAT HAPPEN!
My ExH and I had a great dog
My ExH and I had a great dog when we got divorced. When our son would go with his Dad for visitation, the dog would come spend the weekend with me. We did this for about 6 months, the dog started acting up at ExH's house, I was always more attentive to the animals. ExH decided that the dog couldn't come to my house anymore as it was confusing him. I told him that in my home he was loved and cared for, not thrown in the back yard all day. I miss that dog all the time, ExH finally gave him away to someone who had a lot of land without even letting me know.
Thank you for all the replies
Thank you for all the replies and advice! This has always been a big issue from the very beginning. I suffer from really bad jealousy issues and so I never liked that they shared a dog. A kid is enough lol. It crosses my mind everyday just to give her away but then I feel bad about what might happen to her. I have 'tried' to become a dog person but like I said i'm just not an animal person and she just ends up annoying me since she's so untrained. I am considering training at this point but there are very few options in my small area and they are all overwhelmingly expensive. DH and I are burnt out right now from the ongoing custody battle.
Tell that dumb bitch to get
Tell that dumb bitch to get off your fucking lawn. NO, you are not overreacting. My adult SD (not BM's daughter) and her GF lived with us for sometime and had two cute little dogs. One day during drop-off when DH wasn't home and adult SD answered the door, BM hung out in my yard, playing with the dogs. Adult SD left my front fucking door wide open (which I now believe was to piss me off). I was furious!!! You are not overreacting, times infinity!!!!
(I feel passionately about this topic, obv.)