Divorce over stepson??
I feel bad even writing this because I know it would really hurt my wife. I just really cannot stand my 8 year old stepson. There are multiple reasons why. For starters he's mean to my daughter out of jealousy. She's 7 and taller then him and very pretty. She wants nothing more then to be his friend. He also is very annoying and his voice is like nails on a chalk board. I know for a fact he tries to annoy me on purpose. My wife has even agreed with my analysis, ha. Sometimes I think he might have ADD. He never talks in normal voice and is always weird.
The thing that's the hardest is that he's always here. He only sees his dad once in awhile. During the summer he is with his dad. I find myself counting down to summer every year(for the three summers I've known him)
At first everything was fine and had no problems. The more time goes by the more I resent everything. I take him to school every morning and make him breakfast and lunch. I've grown to hate it. I want to spend that time with my daughter and son who I only get every other weekend and Tuesday's. Not someone else's kid.
My wife doesn't like me disciplining him and asking him to stop being annoying cause she thinks I'm being grumpy. She is right tho, I have become grumpy. It's come to the point where I don't want to be home anymore. I got to spend a weekend with just my kids a few weekends ago when my wife and stepson had to go out of town. It was great! The thing is I dreaded them coming back into town.
I love my wife but am very unhappy. That being said she hasn't helped the situation by always defending him, even when it was not needed. He teases me daughter a lot and has made her cry and my wife always thinks my daughter did something to warrant him being a jerk or hitting her.
. I don't enjoy the time my kids are here because he's super rowdy and gets everyone all hyper and I just spend the day stressed. I don't know how to fix this. I wish he would just go live with his dad. I know it won't happen though. Again I feel bad I feel this way. He's almost 9, do I just hold my breathe til he's out of the house?? Do I tell my wife how I'm feeling? I'm scared to hurt her. I know It would be hard if she told me she didn't like one of my kids, and didn't know how to continue on.
your kids are angels hers
your kids are angels hers not, she say, her kid is an angel and your not...
it's normal..
You are a parent and you can't stand her kid, who says she can stand your kid?
I think counseling would be in order for your whole family, you DW together and then a family group.
Why are you making breakfast and lunch for her kid?
You forgot to add, do not get
You forgot to add, do not get in to a discussion about what a terror her child allegedly is. If it's not been addressed to date, best to be handled in therapy.
Exactly. Why do people always
Exactly. Why do people always think their child is an angel? I don't understand. Children are human beings just like everyone else. Noone is perfect. Including your child.
IMHO there is a mamalian
IMHO there is a mamalian trait that makes it very difficult for many to tolerate the spawn of somehone else. My guess is that your own feelings along these lines are aggrivated by your SS's behavior.
I would for sure set him straight regarding how he treats your daughter. Make sure she understands that she can and should stand up for herself with her StepBrother and if he every gets physical with her she needs to drag him around by the giggle berries (figureatively of course.... or not) and bust him in the face a few times until he gains clarity.
Were I you I would also consider giving the Skid clarity that he either speaks in his normal voice in a respectful manner or he goes to his room and stays there until he can speak respectfully and normally.
Zero tolerance works wonders. Try it.
I feel for you. I have the
I feel for you. I have the same feelings about my SS and I've known him since he was 7. He is 12 now and has a host of serious problems, but one good thing is that some of his annoying behaviors have gotten less annoying because he spends more time by himself since he is older. Plus, we now have the stepkids half the time instead of full time, so I see him less.
I was also afraid to tell my husband how I felt about his son. I still haven't told him exactly how much I dislike him, but my husband knows how much his son annoys me. It's a little easier because his behavior annoys his sister and my husband as well, so my husband can't be too critical of me.
Additionally, my stepson had to be more responsible for himself earlier than maybe my husband wanted. When my stepson got to an age where I thought he should be taking care of certain things on his own, I stopped helping and left it all to my husband. I think your wife should be teaching him to make his own breakfast and lunch. However, if you are making your kids breakfast and lunch, you are not going to be able to exclude your stepson and I don't think you should.
I think you should be honest with your wife to an extent. Start with one or two annoying behaviors, don't lay it all out at once. Let her know that you enjoyed the one on one time with your kids when she and her son were out of town and see if you can make some arrangements like that in the future. Maybe you and your kids go out of town for a weekend instead.
Honestly, I can't wait for the weeks that the stepkids are at their mom's and my feelings about that include both stepkids even though I like my step daughter a lot. I think part of it is biological and I think it involves just accepting that feeling because it won't change. I think if you had your children with you full time, your wife would probably feel the way you're feeling.
I take him to school because
I take him to school because she wakes up very early to go to work and leaves at 6:30. I do not leave the house until eight so I can take him to school. Honestly, I would feel bad making him wake up at earlier and going to the babysitter, it wouldn't make sense.
I am not too enamored with my daughter. I have watched them when they don't know I'm watching and he is definitely a jerk. He tries to leave her out of things, is always making negative comments and never wants to share His belongings but wants to use my kids. My wife will even admit that he's very jealous of my daughter. He used to be very jealous of me and wouldn't let us cuddle on the couch, he would get his feelings hurt. I finally had enough of that and told my wife I was sick of not being able to sit next to her on the couch.It was just him and my wife for a long time, he's used to the world revolving around him.
Would it be out of the question to talk to her about him living with his dad? He has expressed interest in it. His stepmom even talked to my wife about it because he said he wanted to live with them. He only sees his dad every so often because he lives five hours away. And we have to drive and meet him in the middle. Honestly I would move to where his dad is to get a 50-50 split. My kids are here though so I cannot leave, nor do I want to .
I did all the same things for
I did all the same things for my step-child. because dad got up to early. I can tell you it just causes more resentment. because you do all of this for someone who is very ungreatful... I am talking about the child. but then my feelings would continue to get worked up and those feeling became against my husband too. If I had to do it all over again I would do marriage counseling. because we tried family counseling and the emphasis was on make me and my sd to have a better relationship and I put my all into it when it should have been my marriage. Good luck. I feel your pain.
On your question, "Would it
On your question, "Would it be out of the question to talk to her about him living with his dad?"...
I have KIND OF talked to my husband about that but NEVER to ask really if SS14 could live with his mom or if we can just have SS14 every other weekend instead of every weekend. That will NOT fly. My husband will divorce me if I even asked that in the nicest hypothetical possible way. He would be flippin' mad. He is a very hands on dad, he wants his son with him all the time, he wants his son to live with him, he has manipulated him to change schools closer to our place so that he lives with him which he did not succeed on because SS14's friends in his current school is more important than living with dad. He is obsessed with his son even at this age when they are really at that stage where all they want to do is stay in their room. My DH would pout at his son saying, "you don't spend time with me anymore." So, if your wife is like my DH, forget it. Not even counseling will help you.
I asked DH once, "what if I am not okay with your son living with us for good, permanently; will you divorce me?" His response was a resounding YES. No pause, no hesitation.
I think if the other parent
I think if the other parent wanted more contact he would have done so by now.
Also, it can be quite normal for some kids to either not want to play together or get on.
Whilst they should be respectful of each other etc, you can’t make kids like each other.
She moved away after her and
She moved away after her and her ex split up. She realizes it was the wrong thing to do. She moved over here for a guy about 5 years ago. No, I don't want her to move closer without me.
to be honest, no I don't think she appreciates what I do for her or him. She thinks it's just a duty of a stepparent to help her out and act as a substitute father. After we got married and she moved in she basically just said well you're going to have to take him to school now. she almost took another job that was long hours and told me I would have to pick him up as well after work. I basically told her no, she wasn't very pleased but said ok.
I already know if I told her I didn't want to get him ready for school and take him, it would be met with EXTREME resistance! Even though she complains whenever I ask her to pick up my children every other Wednesday After work. She even told me once she wasn't going to do it anymore because it takes too long . I've never once complained about doing anything for her son .
sorry for the punctuation I'm using voice text
Nope. Time to disengage. She
Nope. Time to disengage. She can do for her own kid and you do for your kids.
I as well think that he
I as well think that he should live with his father. Not because I want him out, because it is the right thing to do. I know if I tell her that she will think I just want him out. She was going to move back to where his father lives before we met.
Similar situation. Except
Similar situation. Except you are my dh! Anyway I sent you a message. Please check your inbox.
So today she got on my case
So today she got on my case because she didn't feel good and wanted me to take him to baseball practice. I had me kids today and told her I would drop him off but she needed to pick him up so I can put my kids to bed. So she said she didn't want to do that so he's not going, she doesn't feel up to it. She tells him he's not going because she doesn't want to take him. So he comes crawling to me to take him so I end up taking all the kids with me. Before I left we got into an argument with her saying I don't ever want to help her out and I should have just taken him no questions asked. Mind you I already go way more out of my way then she even thinks of doing for me.
I honestly feel likes she emotionally manipulating me.
Your not a husband/partner
Your not a husband/partner you are a unpaid child carer.
Re read what you have written.
In the last 5 years she divorced the father her child, moved 5 hours away with another man and is now 'married' to you.
She complains that you do nothing for her, but yet you the one running around after her child and putting that child above your own child. It's ok that you do all the work of getting up and to school, run him to sports practice but be allowed to discipline him.
And when you ask her to collect your child 1 day a week it's a major problem for her. You really need to think about what YOU want.
You can either spend the next 10/20 years complaining about her son or you can stop and start letting her cope with the how and wherefores of making sure he gets to where he needs to be.
I was married to somebody
I was married to somebody like that. I ended up being an ATM and a nanny. Now they are moving out. I couldn't be happier. Now I can put myself first.
I was in a similar situation,
I was in a similar situation, but he had three kids. Ran them around attended all of their games, teacher conferences, chauffeured, cooked for, styled hair, took son to barber...etc... my kids didn't get enough of me because I divided their time with his selfish Brats. Now they're in their 20's barely acknowledge me. I was just the "Help". Word of advice, put limits on what you'll do for the skid and please put your bio's first.
Mate do not feel like this
Mate do not feel like this isn't a normal feeling, I literally got to the point where just the sound or sight of my gfs son made me want to run for the hills. And it was the exact same situation as you that made it unbearable for me his mother defending his OBNOXIOUS behaviour I have twin girls who are generally quiet and have good manners and then there was him. Well let me tell you somthing, I also feel so wrong about saying this but I have never come across a child that I just ended up wanting to punch square in the face. And that is the situation I found myself in. So obviously it just did not work out. After 6 years and watching him get rediculously obese because he eats everything that isn't nailed down and about to approach teen hood where video games had started to become a part of the daily routine whilst demanding food and drinks I completely had had enough. And not to mention getting screamed at if I dare raise an issue about him. It was HIS house, and as a man I just couldn't live with a RUDE child being the boss of the household. So mate , get your balls out of your wife's purse and stand up for yourself. Otherwise one day you will end up exploding and that won't be pretty.
Was in a similar situation
Similar situation here and trust me, it does not get any better. It's actually one of the leading causes of my pending divorce. My SS has been diagnosed with ADHD, but my DW and his BF don't give him the meds. But I think the kid has more serious issues, but whenever I would bring it up, my DW gets very defensive. My SS's behavior resulted in tension in the house and more frequent arguements between DW and me. I have a BS and BD and it has really affected them and my relationship with them. I love my DW, but have realized things won't change and I need to do what is best for my kids. I wish you luck. Feel free to PM if you want to vent or discuss.
You need to tell your ss to
You need to tell your ss to cut the shit that's your right as your daughter's parent.
Zombie.... this post started
Zombie.... this post started in 2016