difficulty adjusting to new step daughter
I am in a blended family with my 10 year old daughter and my partner's 9 year old son. 4 months ago his daughter came to live with us from Brazil. She is almost 13 years old.
We were all doing great and get along quite well, I love my step son as if he is my own.
So it is suprising to me that I am having such a hard time adjusting to the 12 year old girl. I learned Portuguese so I could communicate with her, and she is now picking up lots of English.
However, she expects me to do everything for her. She looks to me to be her 24 hour entertainment and I feel like I never have a break.
My partner works a lot and at least half the weekend so I am constantly trying to entertain her and I am getting burnt out and don't want to be resentful of her. Overall, besides being a little spoiled and rude sometimes, she is following most of the rules and does respect me. She is adjusting to a great deal here herself.
To be honest, her personality is not easy for me and I find myself not wanting to come home after work on the weekends and this is sad, since I do want to spend time with my own daughter and step son and of course my partner who feels awful at how difficult this has been.
Any suggestions? Thank you.
I agree with previous post -
I agree with previous post - this girl has had to make a big adjustment - coming to a place where she has to learn a new language etc. She is probably clinging to you a bit like a comfort blanket, especially as you were kind enough to learn her first language, and she needs to slowly learn to be a bit more self sufficient.
I would suggest that you "wean" her off your sole company by encouraging her with tasks or activities that she can do alone, for short periods initially, then gradually a bit longer. Also encourage the formation of friendships with peers by inviting any likely ones to come for supper etc.
During the course of her
During the course of her 'entertainment demands' I'd be sweeping the floor and handing her a broom, wiping the baseboards and handing her a cloth, steam cleaning the drapes and soft furnishings and asking her if she knows how the machine works, hey...endless ways to make her wait until you are ready to 'entertain' her. A plus would be if she recognized that these things do need to be done, helped you and got a reward? I spent a lot of time with SKids but I also made sure that I had "me" time too! I would have an errand to run, for instance, ride with me and we'll see where we end up? If they behaved well they got a treat.