Bonus sons' birthday
My bonus sons are turning six this week! I am watching DH get more and more anxious, however, because their birthday is on BM's custody time, and she has planned all the festivities without being open to his input (like, we can't afford the party that she is throwing for them and 50 of their closest friends- and neither can she, really but that's a whole other story!)....and no, my children and I are not "allowed" at her party.
He is feeling guilty and wants so desperately to make their birthday celebration with us special. Have any of you been in a similar situation? What have you done to make things special, without giving in to the urge to "compete" or worrying that you will be "compared"????
We are planning a smaller scale party for 12/4, we'll do a cake, presents, etc...this Friday when they come to us.
Thank you in advance and have a happy, safe Thanksgiving.
MJL
MJL - please do not try to
MJL - please do not try to outdo the BM - this is how it starts - each parent feels the need to outdo the other and then you have a bunch of entitled brats running around. Just give the party that you are planning and show the boys that your love them - and real love is being a parent and not buying their love. It will be hard because BM will try and make you feel like you are not as good as her but just love those boys be there for them and let the rest go - since they are having 2 parties they are way ahead of any of their friends who only get one. So enjoy the day and them and don't worry about the rest.
A child's birthday is a cake, presents and family around you have all of that and that is enough!! Happy Birthday to the boys and happy Thanksgiving to you!!
I agree, no need to outdo it.
I agree, no need to outdo it. It's kind of common for the BM or CP to do the "main thing". At least that's the way in my case-my ex would sometimes pitch in a bit and show up to enjoy my hard work
He had no interest in the planning.
DO your own thing, and don't worry about it. I"m on the flip side, and anxious. My FSD bday was this weekend. We weren't planning on having her with us till later this week and were going to do something w/my kids and some neighbor friends. INstead her mom got hospitalized and she ended up coming home with us after the game. We got cupcakes, a present and had a low key deal. She wasn't too happy but oh well, plans changed so we had to figure out how to make it the best we could with NO prior notice she would be with us that day.
Her mom has planned a bday party for her in about a week, my kids, myself and some of our neighbor friend ARE invited. So, because she's invited us -my opinion is I would be petty and heartless not to go, because I know the girl wants us there. So I'll go, even if I really rather not. This will only be the second time my bf and her ex are doing a "combined" bday party. SHould be interesting.
Overit, thanks- you're right
Overit, thanks- you're right about the ex- showing up and enjoying my hard work! That happens twice a year for me with my babies.
I really hope that your party goes well. I think you're right to go because your FSD wants you there! It should be about the kids. I really hope that this is the last year that DH's ex- bans me and my kids from the party- though (as far as we know) her alienating poison has subsided largely, many further actions like this will eventually lead them to believe that there is something wrong with my kids and me, or that we don't want to be there. Which is not the case! Ah, that's another topic.....
Enjoy your Thanksgiving and enjoy your SD and her party. I hope it will be a beautiful day for her!
Oh, Caregiver, thank you for
Oh, Caregiver, thank you for your lovely response! You are so right- you put it into perspective for me. When I was little I NEVER had a party like the ones given today- it was always cake with family, and maybe a present or two- and I remember those so fondly...I'd give anything to have a birthday party with my grandparents there again. That is what is important, not the madness of our birthday party culture today.
Have a wonderful holiday! Thank you again.
MLJ - your welcome - I speak
MLJ - your welcome - I speak from experience the first year that SS lived with us for Christmas between us, BM and her family the kid got 62 presents - I about flipped that is too much for any kid - I will admit I still tend to go over the top but am learning - this year for my daughters b-day I rented pump it up and invited 35 of her friends - instead of gifts everyone donated $10.00 and with the proceeds we were able to buy thanksgiving dinner for 3 families in our church and 60 people at our local mission. I tend to spoil DD5 but am trying to be better about it - since SS is 17 and lives with him mother 700 miles away it is like she is an only child and I try to be very careful not to overdo it. So enjoy the party and know that you are not going into debt having it.
