BM trouble :/
so after 20 months of not seeing his daughter my partner finally gained access to her. Under the proviso that his current life wasn’t mentioned I.e he wasn’t allowed to mention that he no longer lived in the same town, that he had moved in with me and my son. Reluctantly he has stuck to bm and her rules, however she messaged him on Sunday saying that she had informed his daughter that he has moved from the flat that he used to live in when they were still together. My partner asked if as she had told her this it was okay to mention that he doesn’t live alone and has a girlfriend (we have been together over a year) her response was no it is her job to tell the daughter. I guess I just need to vent it out as surely it is my boyfriends responsibility to tell his own daughter about his life and not his exes. I feel that she is still calling all the shots and making things as difficult as she possibly can.
Why does BM get to tell him
Why does BM get to tell him what he can say and not say? Surely no court is allowing that.
She decided to settle out of
She decided to settle out of court - starting to think that was not the best move
She is despicable and has
She is despicable and has kept my boyfriend hanging on week after week as to whether he can see his daughter or not.
im not saying I want to be his daughters best friend in the world- I am fully aware that it will take time to build a relationship but the only way that can happen is if he is able to introduce me.
his ex talks a lot about being fair to his daughters feelings but I personally think it’s she who has the issue and can’t stand the thought that he is moving on with his life - his daughter is the last piece of their shared life that she can control
Sounds like your SO needs to
Sounds like your SO needs to find his balls and stand up to her.
I second this^^^
I second this^^^
I third it! smh
I third it!
smh
Why your BF has allowed this
Why your BF has allowed this to drag on 20 months (not seeing his daughter) is beyond me. However now that it has occurred it's my opinion that , yes, a reconnection slowly between father and daughter needs to take place.
The child hasn't seen Daddy in almost two years. She was four-ish. He needs to spend time with the child without all the 'oh, by the way Daddy moved in with anther lady, who has a kid and they are my extended family now and your's too' stuff.
Plenty of time for that. Not to make small of your and your BF's relationship but you've known him a year (a time he had no contact with the child) and lived with him six months (something the child has been no part of). Last you wrote neither your BF or you were officially divorced yet. In normal circumstances the child would have been slowly introduced to you in your dating period , not as the instant SM.
And no, I don't have a problem with a legally separated man dating and beginning to move on. But it usually happens slowly and gives time for the child to go with the flow. The visits happening right now between father and daughter are for them to re-bond. To get them comfortable being together again. And if she was use to seeing her oder brother EOWE while her father and brother were married, I'd thin she is also wondering where her brother is and has been.
IMO, next would come being introduced to you and your son.
You might actually be quite surprised as to what the little girl is like now and be a bit sorry you seem to be in such a rush, lol. She's had almost two years of being under solely BM's influence. She just might be a spoiled brat, can't sleep in her own bed and does nothing but make a visit to your home a living nightmare until she does readjust to being with Daddy again.
A court order does need to be obtained. Your BF does have rights to see his child, to have his child in his home and to be apart of her life as well as she his..... but with the time that has lapsed, you are going to have to be a bit more patient.
I agree with you - but it's
I agree with you - but it's not BM's decision how her SO approaches this issue.
It's more than time he went
It's more than time he went back to court and got a court order. Court orders are smart - they are there to protect not only the child"s but also the parents' rights.
1. Lets get the facts
1. Lets get the facts straight...YOUR Boyfriend and she decided to settle out of court. He didnt have to.
I bet your boyfriend agreed because of money. One way or another it is always about money. What else did he agree too?
Not seeing his daughter for 20 months/ Did he also agree to never ever move and never ever hook up with anyone other than bm?
Did he agree never to remarry or have another child?
Get all the rules out on the table. YOU decide if you want to live like this...bm doesnt decide anyones life especially yours.
Time to go to court for reasonable court order---boyfriend can ask for 50 50 shared equal custody too IF he wants to.
Be careful to agree to all summers with dad....nahhh...split summer, split holidays is better.
PS op....Please remember that
PS op....Please remember that everyone is free. Free to move, free to live with whom ever we please. Free to marry, free to shack up.
Right now your boyfriend is agreeing to allow bm control his entire life. THATS odd...And that is not normal.
Do you want to live like this between now and dead?
Wait a minute. He let BM keep
Wait a minute. He let BM keep his daughter away from him for almost 2 years??? Why in the world did he not file for joint custody? That is just bizarre.
So in response my partner was
So in response my partner was not allowed to contact his ex as she had (falsely) accused him of assault, he was under investigation , his entire life under the microscope for eighteen months. He had lived with an abusive partner for seven years yet she was the one whom made the allegations and as a result he was not allowed to make contact with his daughter. After an eighteen month investigation where it has been proven that these were unfounded BM contacted him stating I guess you want to see your child. She holds all the cards because she already attempted to ruin his life in the worst way imaginable- this man wanted to see his daughter so much yet was stopped by a woman who did and continues to ooze poison.
Please don't take this the
Please don't take this the wrong way but are you sure there isn't more to that story? Maybe it varies by state, but where I live parents are really never kept from their children unless there is PROVEN violence against the child, NOT against the other parent. Someone being accused of assault isn't grounds to have no contact with their kid, especially when the alleged assault wasn't even on the child.
Regardless, your DH needs to get to court and get a custody agreement in writing and take the control away from BM.
I’ve been dealing with an BM
I’ve been dealing with an BM for 5 years that runs the shots even with court papers and a SO that has NO balls to stand up to her. He may say some things but arguing and keeping the peace with her for his daughter sake has been important for him. It’s tearing our relationship down daily.
My advice to you is make him put his foot down now. I hope it gets better your way. I’ve had no luck!
Your SO is a pathetic non man
Your SO is a pathetic non man who needs to collect his balls from his X's purse. WTF!
He needs to drag her ass to court to get a Custody/Visitation/Support order from the Judge, keep a copy of it rolled up and handy for beating the snot out of BM with and firmly keep her in her place. She does not get to dictate anything about his relationship with HIS child. She needs to be told to STFU and stay under her rock.
How a man allows himself to be neutered to this level by an X and continues to voluntarily let her keep his testicles is beyond my ability to comprehend.
smh
BM gets no say in what HIS child is told on his time or what he does with HIS child on his time.
And... he needs to sue her
And... he needs to sue her for defamation and anything else he can think up and get an attorney to initiate and..... he needs to press any criminal charges he can for her crap.
She needs to crumble whimpering in a corner any time he says a word for the rest of her life.
Her destruction needs to be his hobby for rhe rest of his life after the crap she has put he and his child through.
His child needs to see her father as a confident man who will protect her from her toxic nasty mother.
IMHO of course.