BM Issues
Hi All I'm a newbie. Perhaps my problem has been discussed before which would be great because I could use advice from someone in the same boat.
My ex partner and I have a ten year old daughter together. We are both remarried and maintain a healthy friendship not just for the sake of our child but also because we have known each other since highschool and have a lot of history and geniunely have a lot of respect for each other.
Without making my child sound perfect (as many parents tend to do) I can honestly say that she is not the kind of kid to tattle on others or make up stories. For example we had a few issues with bullying at her new school which she didn't once complain about. I had to drag it out of her only after her father and I both noticed her becoming withdrawn. We dealt with this problem and she once again returned to her happy self.
As is typical of her, when problems began to arise with her step sibling she didn't want to cause any trouble so she didn't talk to me about it until once again I noticed her becoming withdrawn, only this time it was happening when she would return home from weekend visits with her father.
According to my daughter her stepsister bullies her, steals her food and toys, calls her nasty names and excludes her from as many activities as possible and her stepmother fails to do anything about it. I have hesitated to mention any of this to my ex husband for fear of being labeled the bitchy ex wife by his current partner who sadly doesn't have a very friendly nature. Despite this I really don't want to cause any problems in their relationship.
My current partner has two children of a similar age from a previous relationship and has shared custody one week on/one week off. My daughter gets along with them like a house on fire, even going so far as refering to them as her brothers which I am thrilled about because I always felt a bit guilty for her only child status. When they come to our house we do things together as a family and I have never felt any animosity from them or their mother. In fact I get along quite well with the boys and their mother and we have blended quite nicely with her and her current partner even occassionally participating in extended family activities.
I know not everyone gets to have the ideal blended family but I just don't understand why everything is great with my partner and his family and not the same way with my ex's current partner. I feel mean for saying this but her and her daughter are probably the two bitchiest females ever put on the face of the earth and I don't know how my ex puts up with them!
I get the feeling he isn't standing up for our daughter because he wants to keep the peace in his household which is understandable but now that I am aware of the situation I am starting to feel resentful of the fact that he would put the happiness of his biological child over that of his step child.
Does anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences they could share with me?
Talk to her dad. Ifthat
Talk to her dad.
Ifthat doesn't work,let DD know it's ok to stand up for herself. If the girl hits her, hit her back. If she takes one of toys, take it back.
If you and your ex have the
If you and your ex have the good relationship you say you have, then you need to sit down and have a conversation with him about what your daughter has told you. Make it clear you are not attacking, pointing fingers, or anything like that, just share your concerns. Girls are hard, and they are jealous creatures. I'm one of three sisters and they are all my biological sisters and we were horrid to each other (well really one was horrid to the other two of us and we all just sort of piled up in crazy fights). Boys tend to be a lot more easy going and accepting, in my experience, than girls. And if the BM of the stepsister is quietly allowing it, she may not even be aware that she is reinforcing the bullying behavior. All you can do is bring it to the attention of your husband and hope it starts the ball rolling in a positive direction.
What kind of relationship
What kind of relationship does the stepsister have with her own dad? Does she visit him? Are they close? I am having a similar problem, except MY daughter would be the ss. My boyfriend is around so much that he is more like her dad. But then when his kids come, it's like she doesn't exist, and she is acting out toward his daughters. She has recently been trying to foster a closer relationship with her own dad, because until my bf, she didn't realize what a dad was supposed to be like. Unfortunately, her dad SUCKS as a human, so she is constantly in a dilemma. Her dad is a phony and her "stepdad" is great, until his kids are around. So look at the ss's situation and see if you can figure out where she's coming from. But definitely talk to your ex. He can be more vigilant and help her deal with issues as they come up. I wouldn't worry about looking like the bitchy exwife because you need to put your daughter first!