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Bio father back in the picture help!

sf1984's picture

My wife and ihave known eachother for 10 years and always wanted to be together,but life ,the military and work got in the way. We finally got together almost 3 years ago,just got married and have a baby on the way and live together. She has 3 kids from 2 previous relationships and I love them so much. The oldest is 9 we get along great and her father has never been around. The others are 4 and 3 and their father has only seen them a few times, I have.never met him. They all call me dad because I am the only one who has been in their life. She asked me how I felt about adopting them and I said I wanted to,and I really do.With the youngest i have been there her whole life,saw her first step herd her first word.he hasnt been there physically,emotionally or finacialy. Out of nowhere he emailed her asking to see the kids, she said ok and told him she had got married and I will be there. We are waiting for him to respond. I am so hurt and confused I dont know how to talk to her about it. I feel like she hasnt considerd my feelings at all...about the adoption and how will he react to them calling me dad, will it confuse them, and I'm upset with him tryjng to dropinn and out of their lives and that feeling comes from my own issues with my own father droping in and out of my life, I wish he would have just stayed away. I know thats not my place or my choice. Im so hurt and lost help!

MdMom's picture

I can understand the situation (other than BD wanting to see my Daughter) he has had no contact with me since he exploded on me for being prego. My fiance has always worried that he will pop back up and try to get visitation.

I have done some research, and in my state, if the a parent has not had any contact with the child/ren for one year he automatically gives up his rights as a parent, unless they pay CS. Thankfully my BD. Will never have to go through a confusing situation like this. Because I'm sure the little ones will be confused, they know you as Daddy, no one else.

I would talk to your wife about how you feel about this. I'm sureshe will understand. My fiance would be heart broken if iI got an email for a request like that. Of course I would say no, he hasn't been around for years in your case, what give him the right to want to be a dad now that all the baby stuff is done?

I hope this helps. = )