Hi everyone. I’m a first time poster on here although I’ve been reading the blogs and forum for a while now. Lots of other sites are very judgemental against SP so this forum is a massive help.

I’m unsure what to do. I’ve been married to DH for 3 years now and we have been talking about having a child of our own. My DH is the most wonderful partner. He is kind and considerate and we get along like best friends. I have DS15 and DS12 who are great kids. Polite, welcoming, easygoing and hard working. Obviously I’m biased but they are lovely boys and have been respectful to my DH from the start. I’m so proud of them.

The problem is his kids. He has his kids SS12 and SS10 two or three nights a week (usually at the weekend). They are strange kids and nothing like my boys. SS12 just sits in his room the whole time on his computer and will just walk past me, completely blanking me. He is never excited or grateful about anything. I try engaging him in conversation but I just get one word answers so I end up giving up. My eldest DS has tried involving him in games and chat but he doesn’t seem to want to know. SS12 is not rude or badly behaved, just extremely withdrawn and quiet. SS10 however, is a nightmare. He is rude, entitled and a know it all. He is very abrupt in his manner and I just can’t take to him. Before me and DH were married, his kids were younger and they were easier to deal with. Maybe I was naive but it’s getting more difficult the older they get. I don’t enjoy spending time with either of them at all. In fact I dread them coming over. It stops me doing nice things with my boys when they are round because I just don’t want to have to include them anymore. I used to include them but SS12 just sits there looking miserable and SS10 just shows off and makes snide digs to me and my boys. This seems to go over DH’s head. DH has a lot of guilt over not living with them full time and I think he doesn’t register their behaviour. The BM is extremely bitter to both me and my husband (we met 18 months after they separated). We have actually never met or spoken but she tells both SS that I’m not a nice person etc.

We were planning on trying to conceive soon but I’m having doubts. I absolutely love my DH and I would be devastated to not have him in my life but the thought of having his boys in my life all the time makes me anxious. I just don’t know whether I want to tie myself down with a baby. At the moment I could leave if it got too much but if I get pregnant I’d be stuck with a baby and I’m not sure I want that.

It’s such a shame because everything else tells me to have a baby. We are settled and secure and love each other very much. The only thing holding me back is his kids. I'm 38 so time isn't on our side. I don't know what to do.

Has anyone got any advice?