Am I wasting my time.

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Hi,

I don't really count as a step parent but this is the only place that seems to cover the issue I have with my partner. We've been together for just over a year, we both have children and they get on brilliantly, as do we with each others children. He's the most amazing guy 90% of the time but...

He puts off making our relationship openly official, he's mentioned in passing that he doesn't want to rock the boat with his BM although she knows I exist.

She still asks him to do things around her home and I agree he should help as its his daughters home too but even while she briefly dated someone else it was still him she called on, telling him this new chap isn't as good as him at such things. My partner had a really low spell when he found out about her having a new bf which raised some red flags for me.

On her last birthday he went all out, planning a surprise party where he picked up all her friends, acted as their personal cocktail maker all afternoon and then driving them all home. He changed his profile picture to pictures of her and even baked his first ever cake, for her. I asked if he still has feelings for her as I don't want to get in the way but he told me, he just wanted to make her day special as she's his daughters mum.

Now it's mother's day and she's told him all she wants is for him to cook her dinner, so he's going to. The kind of dinner you'd expect for valentines no less. It'll be after he finishes work so too late for the girls to join them really.

I feel like I'm kidding myself that there's space for me in his world, but I'd hate to lose him if I'm being dramatic.

Help please???

Yes, you are wasting your

Yes, you are wasting your time. He is still tied to his ex, using the excuse " she's the mom". It's an excuse to stay enmeshed instead of growing into a separate person. Do your heart a favor and keep looking.

Yes, beyond the shadow of a

Yes, beyond the shadow of a doubt, you are wasting your time. He's still pining for her. He's still hoping that if he jumps through enough hoops that she'll take him back. He's using you. Dump him and forget about him. You want a man who is free and who wants to be with you, not one who caters to his ex and who treats you like a dirty little secret.

You deserve so much better than this apology for a bf.

Omg no

No no no no how was he convinced you that this is acceptable behavior? He should not be doing things at her house. If she needs help, get a handyman. He should not be doing things like changing his profile pic to pics of her to make her day special. I can't even with that. And going over to cook her a special dinner for her birthday…??? This is terrible. I have a very good coparenting relationship with my ex, and we have never done anything even remotely close to that for each other. Because it is unacceptable and completely unhealthy when we were in other relationships and moving on. Dump his a$$

Sorry but he still has

Sorry but he still has feelings for her and he is not over relationship. You are the rebound relationship.

Yes, he is wasting your time.

Dump him and find someone who isn't in love with someone else.

This is very far from 90%

This is very far from 90% amazing. At best, he's got terrible boundaries with BM - at worst, he's still in love with her and not able to move on.

I'd cut him loose unless he's ready to actually get emotionally as well as legally divorced. Healthy divorces do not include cooking dinner for your ex on Mother's Day.

Thanks guys, you're all

Thanks guys, you're all saying what I know I would to someone else in this situation. I just needed it hammered home I think.

Not many people are in this type of situation

Most couples this type of behavior is not allowed. No going over ex house to help them. Some don't even talk with the ex it's all texts.
This man is still in a relationship with the ex. He can not be in two relationship at the same time. It will never get better

You deserve better than this.

Get rid now

You are totally wasting your

You are totally wasting your time. Your bf doesn't want to make it official because he's already in a relationship - with his ex. When we were dating, my husband did nothing for his ex. He'd trade custody days with her or do a joint kid's birthday party, but he wouldn't do repairs to her apartment or her car "because the kids lived there/ride in it," nor did he do any favors for her. They were divorced; she was not his responsibility. That is normal. What your bf is doing is not normal.

If he can't make your relationship official, then your relationship is not important to him, or at least not as important as his ex. Why would you waste your time on that BS?

I am so sorry you are going

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please respect yourself and leave. I wish i could smack this guy for you.

Are you serious?

smh

Yes. You are wasting your time.

This guy is in love with his X. He pays CS. Her home repair issues are not his problem. He owes her nothing beyond CS and catering to her, her friends, etc... is so pathetic that I have no clue what you can find so appealing about this pathetic POS.

Cooking a romantic dinner for his X on Mother's Day? This guy should make you wanna puke. IMHO.

He pays her for being his kid's mother. She can take herself out to dinner. Or her kids can take her. She is not your SO's mother. He is no longer married to her.

HOLY CRAP

This dude is a dud.

You know it, and we know it.

Ghost the shit out of him. Love yourself please.

Find one that isnt still doing his ex wife. Just being blunt. You are the back up side piece. Now he can be your ex!

I can hear the cackle of her

I can hear the cackle of her and her friends laughter discussing this matter amongst themselves... get the hell out of there!

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