Advice from SM's who had biokids after becoming a SM...
Just to introduce myself & give you a little background... I started dating DH in 2007 when I was 21 years old. He was the only guy I dated that had a child. He was 22 and at the time SS was 4 years old. As you can imagine it was a rough transition for me & I visited StepTalk frequently to vent. We have been married for over 2 years now and SS is 10 years old. Things have gotten better... but I still have those moments where I want to scream... but thankfully I have become friends with some other SMs at work and we vent.
Anyway, DH and I decided last year that we would try to get pregnant in Spring 2014. 
I am so excited about becoming a mom & being able to share this experience with my husband. He wasn't able to be a part of BM's pregnancy bc she swore up & down that it wasn't DH's. But now that the time is getting closer, I'm starting to worry that the frustrations I have had with helping to raise SS will be the same with my own biological child. I know motherhood is difficult....but my question is... will it be different? Is it different with your own child than it is with your SD/SS? Do you have a connection that makes all the stress/craziness worth it?
I love SS but the way that people who have biokids talk about their love...I dont think my love for SS is the same. I get so frustrated with him bc of his behavior and I cant help any of that... Any advice?
YES, it is WAY different. I
YES, it is WAY different. I still don't really like other people's kids LOL. But I would do just about anything for my kids.
It will be completely
It will be completely different. I'm going to sound a little cheesy but bear with me. From the time the child is growing inside of you, you will have a connection. My one bio needed heart surgery as an infant and believe me I would have taken a bullet if it meant they didn't even have to draw blood. When your child feels pain you will feel pain and when your child feels joy, it will light up your entire world. When your child gets an "owie" and asks for mommy you will feel like the greatest super hero that ever lived. You will be your child's hero, but your child will be yours too!
I adore my skids. They absolutely drive me insane and it has been ups and downs. So many times I have to question if things are "my place" with your bios, anything goes because you are their mom, you are all they have in this world when they are young and you don't ever have to question weather or not anyone will be mad about how you do things (well if you do question that you need new friends and most likely your MIL will always tell you how she did it differently lol)
OMG, one is Love and one is
OMG, one is Love and one is pure Romance! I dread every second I am not with my bios, they are the love of my life! Just pure love! And yes, you will have struggles, but it's a love that just runs through your veins with every breath. My kids and I cheer to "the next billion years together!". Enjoy every second, detail everything, record everything, live everything! Here's to a beautiful life together for all of you!
Thank you all SO MUCH! You
Thank you all SO MUCH! You ladies have no idea how your words have eased my anxiety.
askYOURdad... you hit the nail on the head. I'm always wondering if it's "my place" to change this behavior or make this comment. And I struggle a lot with wanting to help/change things for SS but not being in a place where I can really make a difference. (We get him for 36 hours every 2 wks, how is my influence supposed to make a signifcant change?!) And I get so worn down dealing with him that I just want to go into my bedroom & shut the door (especially when DH is working & I am with SS by myself for 9 hours a day)And sometimes it's not him being directly disobedient, its just annoying dealing with these mannerisms/attitudes that are SO different from mine (he gets those from BM :sick: )
But THANK YOU, THANK YOU all for sharing your experiences. It really fills my heart to hear what kind of love you have for your biokids. I am really looking forward to having that kind of romance someday soon!
I know exactly how you feel.
I know exactly how you feel. My SS13 just moved with us earlier this year. I feel like locking myself in my room too, but I can't because he lives with us and I have a bs6. He acts a lot like his BM and I cannot stand it. He isn't disobedient either, but is VERY passive aggressive.
OMG SS10 is SO passive
OMG SS10 is SO passive aggressive...and he makes these sarcastic comments about everything. We went to a store the other day that has free popcorn. He was really excited about it. Then we get in the car & he makes a comment about the bag saying "hot & delicious" when the popcorn is cold. OMG just eat the popcorn! It's free!
That's exactly how it will be
That's exactly how it will be with my DH. He doesn't know anything about pregnancy or the process of preparing for a baby. He found out that he was a dad a week after SS10 was born. This is a whole new experience for him.
Oh my God YES it is WAY
Oh my God YES it is WAY different when its your own
The big thing is the unconditional love you will have between eachother and also you don't have to share the baby with any other mother! 
I love BOTH my daughters and even though they have done some things that I remember annoying me with my SDs when they were young, I look at my own in a totally different way. 
Awwww! I am really looking
Awwww! I am really looking forward to having that kind of love and actually being someone's mommy. I put in so much effort with SS10 but he doesn't matter how hard I work to make memories, I'm not his mom. He doesn't want to sit on the phone with me & chat or give me a big hug when he hasn't seen me.
it'll be waaaay different
Oh good. Thank you! Yes, we
Oh good. Thank you! Yes, we really want SS10 to feel close to his new sibling. He has always considered my parents - his grandparents, my siblings - his aunt/uncle, and my niece - his cousin. We were even talking about my paternal Grandfather the other day & SS10 referred to him as "my great grandfather" So I am hoping that the foundation is there for him to always feel like this IS his family and that he will not feel like the outsider when the baby comes.
Totally 100% undeniably
Totally 100% undeniably different! It's a whole different ballpark and game. Have my bio sons been easy all the time? No, but they have always been less stressful and easier to be with than SS7. The unconditional love covers all the hard parts. And having the ability to invest yourself 100% in a child versus only when DH/BF or BM allows you is so joy producing. It's amazing!
That's exactly what I was
That's exactly what I was hoping for! Thank you so much for sharing your experience! Reading all these responses has made me even more excited about being a mom. It's really been such a relief! Thank you!