Hi all, I just joined this site. I can't believe there's a plethora of people out there who are in similar situations! Makes me feel like I'm not alone.

I'm 24. My husband is 35. We have been together 4 1/2 years, married for 2. He has a son from a previous marriage, who is now 7. We share him with his BM, one week on, one week off, etc. My SS has a lot of emotional problems, oppositional defiance disorder, ADHD, and anger issues. But, honestly, at the end of the day, despite all the crap, I love my SS, and he loves me. I've been there for him more than his BM has, as often is the case.

HOWEVER,

I've been discovering recently that I don't think I want kids! I was fully aware when I married my husband that my family would already be pre-made for me, but I can't seem to shake this feeling of not wanting this life anymore. I love my husband very much, things are great between us, he is supportive, he is a great father. Maybe I got married too young? I don't know. I literally go back and forth everyday... about whether I should leave or stay. I don't want to hurt my SS or DH. On the other hand, I don't want to regret my life, sacrifice my happiness, and end up resenting both of them! Every time we have my SS, my heart races, and I get a horrible, anxious knot in my heart and stomach that does not subside until he goes back to his BM's house. Sometimes, I decide to leave, and then I think about it, and start feeling guilty about it. I make up endless excuses, about anything and everything. Yet I find myself wanting to take my husband and move to a different country so that we'd just have his son during the summer.

I feel awful about feeling this way. I wish my husband would realize that we'd all be better off if I could leave. I don't know what to do. Bleh. I donno if anyone will have any gems of wisdom to impart upon me, but there it is.