I'm about ready to quit...
Hi all, I just joined this site. I can't believe there's a plethora of people out there who are in similar situations! Makes me feel like I'm not alone.
I'm 24. My husband is 35. We have been together 4 1/2 years, married for 2. He has a son from a previous marriage, who is now 7. We share him with his BM, one week on, one week off, etc. My SS has a lot of emotional problems, oppositional defiance disorder, ADHD, and anger issues. But, honestly, at the end of the day, despite all the crap, I love my SS, and he loves me. I've been there for him more than his BM has, as often is the case.
HOWEVER,
I've been discovering recently that I don't think I want kids! I was fully aware when I married my husband that my family would already be pre-made for me, but I can't seem to shake this feeling of not wanting this life anymore. I love my husband very much, things are great between us, he is supportive, he is a great father. Maybe I got married too young? I don't know. I literally go back and forth everyday... about whether I should leave or stay. I don't want to hurt my SS or DH. On the other hand, I don't want to regret my life, sacrifice my happiness, and end up resenting both of them! Every time we have my SS, my heart races, and I get a horrible, anxious knot in my heart and stomach that does not subside until he goes back to his BM's house. Sometimes, I decide to leave, and then I think about it, and start feeling guilty about it. I make up endless excuses, about anything and everything. Yet I find myself wanting to take my husband and move to a different country so that we'd just have his son during the summer.
I feel awful about feeling this way. I wish my husband would realize that we'd all be better off if I could leave. I don't know what to do. Bleh. I donno if anyone will have any gems of wisdom to impart upon me, but there it is.
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Read stepmonster. You have no
Read stepmonster. You have no need to feel guilty.
Try to figure out the source of your anxiety: disrespect from skid, ignored by DH, BM nonsense, etc. Then you can figure out how to fix it.
I think when you question
I think when you question whether you married too young - you may be right. It is not feasible for a 20 year old to have to go into a stepfamily situation and feel OK with it. Your husband is at a different life stage to you - he wants to be settled - whereas it is normal for you to still want to be exploring new possibilities and discovering new things about yourself - eg you don't want kids. I would suggest having some counselling, either on your own or together, to help you decide how to go forward.
I feel your pain…and yes,
I feel your pain…and yes, isn’t this website great?? I’ve been married almost 8 yrs, and there are still times I consider leaving. My DH is a wonderful guy and I love him to bits, but the whole step-kids life really can be torture. I dread them coming and just cringe most of the time they’re here. When they leave and it’s just my 2 boys, it’s heavenly for me. I keep telling myself that SS15 is only a few yrs away from being gone (I hope anyway lol), as well as looking forward to DH have one less CS payment.