Today I am at my wits end. I turned to google for help and found this group. I really need some support!. I seperated 2 1/2 years ago and became a full time single mum to my 5 children. My eldest two have since moved on, and I have my 3 sons aged 17, 13 and 9 at home. I met my partner a year after I separated. He is a full time single father. His sons mother sadly passed 3 years ago. His son is 12, almost 13. In August last year my partner and his son moved in with myself and my boys. It wasn't something that we did without serious discussion, and none of us expected it to be plain sailing! I thought I had a really good relationship with my stepson, turns out I really didn't know him!. I barely even know where to start! I have brought my own kids up to be honest, unselfish, and to appreciate what they have, no matter how little. All through all their lives, I have never had any trouble with any of them. Don't get me wrong, I can tell you every one of their faults, but I pride myself on how they have and are turning out as good people. First impressions of my partner and his son were that his values were very much like my own...I've since learned I was so wrong! I understand that there are going to be differences. My stepson is an only child. He has never had anyone to think of but himself. But his behaviour is getting out of control. Over time I have figured out that he has different personalities, depending who's company he's in. But he plays peolpe against one another like no one I have ever known! His father works full time, so I am the main carer for all the kids. When I have him on my own, I treat him exactly as I treat my own kids, and I have very little trouble with him (but there is an underlying other side to him that I am constantly wary of). Until recently, I was seriously thinking the problems I was having with him were just me!. Until 2 months ago. I had to make a phone call to his school to let them know about some medication he was on. I was put through to his guidance teacher, who I have known for many years due to all my own kids attending the same school. She said to me that she was glad I had called, because she had been thinking about contacting me for some time. Because I know her very well, and she knows I wouldn't stand for and bad behaviour from any of my kids, she doesn't mince her words!. She went on to tell me that she had been having trouble with my stepson in her class for some time. It was coming up to the Easter break, and she was hoping that after the holiday things would settle down. However, the school had resumed 2 weeks, and he was just the same. In her words, he is over confident, full of his own importance, and has this opinion that he is better than everyone else. His behaviour in class was disruptive, and despite her talking to him, there had been no change. She had also been approached by some of his other teachers with the same concerns, one of whom had given him an informal detention over a lunch hour because of his disruptive behavious. The conversation I had with her confirmed everything I was feeling about him. And it went to prove even more that he behaves how he likes, when he likes. He is one of the smartest kids I have ever know, but so smart it's verging on dangerous. His grades at school are excellent, despite his behaviour. I don't know if I did the right thing, but after the conversation with school, I decided I would talk to him myself. I told him exactly what his teacher had said. I talked with him at some length about why his behavior was wrong, I explained to him how his high opinion of himself would affect his relationships at school. I tried to make it more than just a conversation about school. I wanted him to see that I would deal with him fairly, even if he was in trouble. I thought we had actually had a breakthrough. But since then things have become worse and worse. It's almost like he seems to resent me for being nice to him. He has accused my 9 year old of bullying him, when I know very well he antagonizes him all the time when he thinks no one can see or hear him. I have overheard him talking on the phone to friends, making fun of my 13 year old son and calling him all kinds of names(this really upset me, because they are in the same class at school, and my son has been really kind to him). Just this week I heard him on the phone to his father, talking about me and completely twisting the words of a conversation we had just had, making me out like I was treating him badly. He acts up when his father is home from work all the time. We can't have an adult conversation without being interupted by him, if we are in our bedroom, he walks in unannounced all the time, if we have a cuddle, he squeezes in between us. Recently, his father had one day off work,something he very rarely has, and we were both looking forward to it. The evening before we were discussing what we might do that day. Little did I know that my stepson was listening to our conversation. The following day, I dropped all the boys at school. I wasn't home 2 minutes when my stepson called to say he had been sick and wanted to come home. We fetched him home, and he spent the morning laying on his bed on his phone. He was up by lunch time looking like the cat who had the cream, and was right as rain. The whole day he was grinning smuggly at me. I know for a fact there was nothing wrong with him, and he did it to ruin our day. I could go on and on. The lists of little things are endless!. His father can see no wrong in him, and he knows it. I know he's been through a lot losing his mother, but I am at my wits end with him. I don't want this relationship to end badly. I don't want it to end at all! But I'm being unfair on my own kids. They see him getting away with behaviour that they wouldn't. His father is way over sensitive when I try to discuss things with him, and always makes excuses. I think the kid is at an age that he should be gaining independance, and becoming responsible for his own actions. But I've seen times when his father would rather blame himself for his sons shortcomings than discipline him at all! He has his father wound round his little finger and it seems no matter how much parenting experience I have, this kid knows he's in charge and there's nothing I can do. Please help!