SO went on a Guys' Golf Trip and left me with his kid
I have been living with my boyfriend and his 14 year old son for about a year. I have a good relationship with his son, and my role in his life is the same as that of a step parent even though his father and I aren't married yet. This past Sunday, my boyfriend left to go on a 5 day golf trip with his buddies. I'm very independent and have always been supportive of men needing their space and guy time, but this time I am annoyed. Each day that goes by, my level of resentment is building to a point where I am ready to explode. He's sending me text messages with smiley faces and talking about how nice the weather is and how much beer they're drinking. Meanwhile, I'm home working, getting his kid off to school, driving his kid around, putting up with his friends over my house, putting dinner on the table, etc. etc. And HE IS ON A VACATION!! ARGH. I am boiling. It's very awkward for me being left alone with a teenage boy even though he does live here with us. If I reverse the situation to where I had a teenage daughter, I can't even fathom the thought of leaving town to go on a vacation without her and leave her home alone with my boyfriend. It sounds crazy to me. In my mind, if he wanted to get away with his friends then he should have taken the kid to his mother's house and had her take care of him. (bio mom is not an option). But truthfully, I don't even agree that my boyfriend should feel the right to step away from his responsibilities and dump them on someone else for the sake of a guys' vacation. Am I being ridiculous or does anyone else out there think this is insane? How should I handle this when he gets back? I want to make sure that this doesn't set the precedent for my future in this relationship.
When he first told you about
When he first told you about the trip, you should have told him to find a sitter.
When he gets home, let him know that is what he'll have to do in the future.
If you did know about it days
If you did know about it days in advance and you agreed to this, you probably had not done this before and you probably didn't know what it'd be like and your reaction either. So just explain to SO that this one time you were able to take on his responsibilities but not again. Next time have the kid go over to a friend's or to bm. You're right, you are not the sitter. When he gets home let him brag about his fun time and talk to the kid for awhile, then bring up your issue when the kid is at school or gone. You don't want to hurt the kid's feelings b/c this is not his fault or doing. I am the same, I often get into situations that I have not thought through and then go what the hell??? Yup, been there!
Playing Devils advocate here.
Playing Devils advocate here. The boy lives with you guys full time. Which basically means, you are his guardians. If you have a good relationship with the boy, I don't see why you are upset. When he gets back you are well within your right to say "Hope you had a good vacation, now I'm going away a few days with my girlfriends."
I left on a girls getaway for 5 days a year ago. Left MY BS with DH. DH took my son to football practice every day, picked him up, fed him & took care of him. We are a family unit. His kids, my kids are OUR kids.
I would have a problem with this IF the Skids were disrespectful, rude little shits. Since mine are NOT, we do this type of stuff all the time. I stay with his kids, he stays with mine, without any issues.
I also think that there's no
I also think that there's no reason to be running yourself ragged. The kid is 14. Buy a few frozen pizzas and show him how to pop them in the oven. If he has friends over, make sure they pick up after themselves. Have a glass of wine, enjoy the house w/o DH. I find Skids behave better when the Bio parent isn't around anyway.
Sorry honey, but if you
Sorry honey, but if you agreed to babysit his teenager, you have no one to blame but yourself. I would've told him he needed to make other arrangements for his son while he was gone on vacation.
Sorry. If the kid is 14, there's really not too much you need to involve yourself in with him. He's old enough to get himself off to school and pick up after himself. I mean, seriously, he can do for himself here!
You tried to be the nice
You tried to be the nice girlfriend here. The one who has no problem ferrying the kid to practice and being there in the house while Dad is gone.
It IS nice of you. The problem is that you are - rightfully - resentful of it. You feel used. You ARE being used. Whether intentionally or not. He should never have asked you to do this! You should never have agreed.
Sometimes we do things that we think about later and shake our head at. I've done it too.
Chat with him when he gets back. Tell him you are glad he had a good time and that his kid is a nice kid. Also tell him that you found it uncomfortable to be responsible for his child and that you won't be doing it again. No harm, no foul.
Then stick to it. Cause you know he'll have another occasion where you needs you to look after him, just this one more time
Thank you for this response.
Thank you for this response. I think you really understand what happened here. Your line about doing things and then shaking your head later made me smile. That really captures it! This role is all new to me and I think I am still trying to figure out the boundaries of what I'm willing to do. I am often guilty of being too nice and need more practice at the "no" word (at least in this new family dynamic). I don't have kids of my own so I'm still learning exactly how much responsibility goes along with parenting a child. He may be 14 and fairly self-sufficient, but it is still a big responsibility. I also agree with your statement that he should have never asked me to do this although I don't recall actually ever being asked :? It was all kind of assumed when I didn't freak out that he said he wanted to go golfing with his buddies. He never had a conversation with me, or his son for that matter, to make sure that it was all ok before he booked his flight. Lesson learned. I will temper my anger when he gets back, and next time I will speak out! Thanks for the sanity check!