Sharing Resources with the Ex
Hi there, first time posting here. I just wanted to calibrate my feelings on the subject of partners sharing their resources with their ex. I am dating a single dad of a 15 year old boy. We have been dating on and off for around 7 years and I have been fairly content the past three years after going through very bad times the first 2-3 years. Anyway, his son has travel basketball and the ex does not own a car so she borrows my boyfriend's car to take him to practice and games. It doesn't happen very often since Covid put a stop to activities for the past year and a hafl. Anyway, yesterday she came to pick up his car (she has a key) from the driveway because apparently she asked him to borrow it for a short trip. She got a new job that requires out of town trips and is in the process of trying to lease a car and needed to get to the dealership. I didn't say anything and just let it be. My concern is that he is leaving to go away for ten days in about 4 weeks and his car will be left in hte driveway. I am anticiipating that she may try to use the car while he is away and I am not happy about it. BTW, his son will be going with him on the trip to visit family. Last time he was away with his son, she got to borrow his car for a week as well. I expressed my displeasure with this as crossing a boundary for me.
As background information, the relationhsip was extremely tumultous in the past. I broke up with him once when he decided to stay in a hotel out of town with her and his son "as a family' during one of this son's out of town basketball tournaments. This was sprung on me the day he was leaving. There was no discussion or empathy when I told him that it was inappropriate and that I was not comfortable with that. He has been more or less a good partner since we got back together after a two year break.
I might be jumping the gun because she might get her leased car soon and then this would be a non-issue but I can't help but worry because I am starting to experience the dread and anxiety that I developed in teh past in this relationship. I discovered Stalk after year 1 of our relationship and I just finally decided to make an account. He has tried and did change alot but I am willing to end the relationship forever this time if the car lending happens again. Am I being unreasonable?
Not unreasonable
He seems very enmeshed with the ex. You e told him the car lending was an issue in the past and he should be honoring that. BM is a grown adult who is responsible for her own transportation. If she does t have a car she should take the bus, Uber whatever but constantly borrowing your SO's car is ridiculous.
You are not being
You are not being unreasonable. I would not be comfortable with this situation at all. Not if it was my ex or his, and we have a pretty good relationship with my ex.
Hopefully it will be a non-issue in the next couple of days but if his ex isn't able to grow up and get a car like a normal adult, I would probably draw a line in the sand over this. It would be a hill to die on for me. It isn't about the car, as much as it is about him still supporting her in ways that are not his job. At what point is he going to stop letting her leech off of him?
I am glad to hear that you put an end to their playing family at hotels crap. He doesn't get to have both women, he needs to choose. A rational person would think that since they divorced a decision has been made, but for him maybe it hasn't completely?
The hotel wasnt an issue of
The hotel wasnt an issue of infidelity for me. I trusted him with.. I just think it was a very cruel thing to do. I went to work that Friday and was a complete mess all day. I can't even begin to explain all the emotional trauma. I think it might have been her suggestion because she had no money to pay for her own room, but can't be sure. In any case, he chose her feelings over mine which told me alot.
Hell No
To the car, if that upsets you, as it would to most, then as Canine said he should honor that.
Staying at a hotel with BM and SS? The same room? I guess you will never know the truth of that. Sprung it on you at the last minute. Yea, follow your gut lady. He is still involved with the ex. How involved is to be determined. When it goes beyond the co parenting issues it is not good. Cars, hotels NFW.
You could always puncture his tire when your SO goes away with SS LOL Wont be of any use to BM then will it? Seriously this sounds like way too much drama. Do not waste your years "fighting" for your SO to be a complete SO. It crushes your joy. BTDT it just aint worth it.
Blessings lady
You could always puncture his
I love the way you think :-P
Alternatively
Take the distributor cap off. And put it back on...
My question would be about
My question would be about the insurance he has on the car and how much coverage he has to protect himself if SHE gets into a wreck and hurts someone or destroyed property.
He added her on as a second
He added her on as a second driver on his policy when she started transporting their son around to his games.
So it seems the ex can’t manage her finances well
Despite getting cs and uses the "its for our kid bullshi*" excuse as justification for it to get whatever she wants.
He doesn't set boundaries
He doesn't set boundaries because he doesn't want them. He obviously likes being involved with his ex still, hence giving her keys to his car and adding her on insurance. At this rate, don't be surprised when he lets her keep the keys even after kiddo is 18.
Why have you stuck around for 7 years playing the third wheel?
Nope. Beyond paying CS, there
Nope. Beyond paying CS, there is no sharing of resources with an X. PERIOD!
They are an X and get zero access or benefit from the resources of our partner. If they are, that crap needs to end immediately.
IMHO of course.
If an X lives in the gutter and cannot provide a home and care of a child, then the viable parents takes the kid, gets emergency custody, and gets on with living life and caring for their child. The X really does not matter.
For me, If I found my XW on fire in the gutter, I would not waste the piss it would take to put out the flames. If I had marshmallows, chockolate, graham crackers, and a stick.......
Actually, that is not not true. I would put out the flames, help her and wait for the ambulance to show up after I called 911. Though once the ambulance hauled her off, I cannot see myself giving her another thought. Toxic people have no place in the lifes of the decent people. Rather than sharing property and mitigating an Xs continued bad decisions, it is better to let them suffer the full natural consequences of their choices. No car... Start walking. Or, get an Uber.