You are here

I need professional help with this.

stepmomjo's picture

I am not sure what to do anymore. I didn't have any kids of my own however I feel that when a child/ teen does something wrong there should be consequences. I was asked by my boyfriend a while ago not to ever say anything to his daughter as she thinks that I am trying to be her mom. So I have been trying to disengage from SD 15 when she's here for a week. I work very hard for what I have and on Saturday SD and her friend stole some of my alcohol, her dad took her phone away for a day but for the entire day she just kept asking why she had lost her privileges as she had done nothing wrong. I work long hard hours and am not home on weekdays until around 8pm. On Halloween I got home at 8pm to a full meltdown by SD. I asked what was going on and bf told me to mind my own business. After about a half hour of crying and hyperventilating, he took her to the hospital where she admitted to smoking something and didn't know what it was. She went back to her mom's last night but proceeded to posting pictures of her hospital wrist band on social media at 11:30 that night(school night) found out she got her old phone working and was using that. Tonight she is back at my house. Using her old phone, playing on the laptop and being her usual disrespectful self. I feel that I need to a specialist. The more I don't say anything the worse she is treating me. I am ready to leave this mess but I feel it's an easy option out.

yolo222's picture

Your bf said to mind your own business!?? Seriously I would leave if he has that attitude. How can u mind your own business if she is in your house.

twoviewpoints's picture

So not a thing has changed since a year ago when you first posted... except the teen's vices have escalated to smoking 'something' laced.

I'm not going to tell you to disengage nor to accept what you can not change. I will say you're wasting your breath trying to get some say in consequences and discipline. The girl has two parents. Two very lousy parents, but two parents. Neither parent wants nor welcomes your input and quite frankly, taking her electronics away for longer than a day isn't going to 'fix' anything anyway. It's at least a year, probably more, too late. What could you possibly 'say' to the teen that would actually make any difference. The kid was drinking alcohol in your home and spending ten hours a day on social media then. All with Mommy and Daddy's knowledge and approval (albeit, perhaps silent approval)

No, this teen is headed for the morgue, juvie then as ages jail at the worse or a dysfunctional lifetime of drugs and alcohol at best. Unfortunately, her parents are enabling and assisting her down this path full speed ahead.

My suggestion to you is, yes, perhaps professional therapy sessions for yourself might help you individually. Help you sort your feelings and discover why you stay in your situation, review your relationship and find answers to why love for a man is just not enough.

This teen isn't going to go off in a few years to university, become productive ad a contributing member of society. Her parents haven't raised and supported (disciplined, guided) her to be able to do so. What you see right now is what you'll see from these three five years from now. Ten years.

CANYOUHELP's picture

Counseling could not hurt you, if you insist on staying in this situation. You are not being respected by ANYBODY in your home, how do you manage that? How do you like yourself for taking this kind of daily abuse?

Your BF has shown more respect to his daughter than you, get out.... It would not take counseling for me to pack my bags, assuming it is his place, not certain. Way past time for you to get out of this mess, and I believe you realize it too.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

The only professional help you need is a professional moving truck to either help boyfriend and SD get their own place or you go get your place. That's no way to live with those two idiots.

Miss T's picture

Agree with the above. I am not a fan of counseling, but a counselor might be able to help you gain enough perspective to GTFO of this situation, which is what you ultimately will need to do.

By the way, though I am not a fan of the "help" offered by mental health "professionals," I would advise that if this is what you really want, an internet message board is not the place to get it. Google "counselors in my area" or something like that. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

stepmomjo's picture

Thanks for the advice everyone. This group is great and I am glad I found it. I am going to seek professional help. I agree that this is going to get worse before it gets better and I don't understand why I am the only one who sees that here.

NJdevil's picture

I would suggest more of a holistic approach. Hire movers to get out of the situation. Hire a therapist to find out why you don't know that you deserve better.