A Glimpse of the Future for my SD12
I'm still fairly new here but some of you already know that I'm disengaging...
DH and I were at a friend's house over the weekend who is a Single BM with DD16. While I love this person to death, our parenting beliefs are at opposite ends of the spectrum. I like structure and she's very relax about it all. Her DD goes on lots of sleepovers and DD's friends sleep over at her place a lot too. Well, BM went to sleep early while her SD16's boy "friend" that she likes a lot stayed late. Well guess what happened?......SD16 got her cherry popped that night...unprotected! The next day while we were there SD16 was crying bloody hell, possible pregnancy panic and drama ensued. At the end, the morning after pill saved the day. Did I mention there was alcohol involved?
Afterward, my DH tells me, "That is my worst nightmare! I am going to keep my kid so busy with activities that she wont have time to think or do this stuff! If boys do sleep over, they sleep in separate rooms and we all go to sleep at the same time!"
I thought "Wow! for someone so intelligent, that was so naive".
While I do think his plan will help some, I don't think it will solve SD's real underlying problems that will eventually lead to this kind of behavior.
For a moment I wanted to sit my SD12 down and talk to her, then I caught myself..."Oh no! Not my kid, Not my problem!"
I had started thinking about
I had started thinking about teen pregnancy last year. Before I started disengaging, I actually bought several books about STD, Sex and Teen Pregnancy for my SD that I had planned on reading with her. I don't plan on reading those with her anymore....but I will be giving her those books for xmas!
Every girl needs a
Every girl needs a pony.
Sleep the boyfriend in a separate bedroom and make sure they're asleep before Daddy goes to bed. Hahahahahahaha that's work for about 10 seconds.
Why is he even THINKING about having boys over for sleepovers? That's so naïve I can't even think of how to describe it.
You're right about not talking to the kid but certainly you should tell Daddy your concerns. If he goes ahead with his foolish plan of letting boys stay over then any consequence is his fault and problem.
As an adult resident of the house you do have the right to say you don't want ANY body sleeping over - boy, girl, man, woman without your agreement. That certainly excludes any strangers and would only include known long term friends and relatives.
Oh I have voiced my concern
Oh I have voiced my concern and he was very defensive about it all. That's why I started disengaging because it was ruining our relationship. His thinking is, as long as she gets good grades in school, she can't be that bad! Well, guess what?! She's only 12 now, just wait 3 more years! Even straight A students get horny too! And if you let your kid think she can do no wrong, guess what??! She won't be afraid of her action's consequences.
Yep; SD stb 15 is headed down
Yep; SD stb 15 is headed down this road as well. Her PASing BM is her BFF (love you smooochy smooochy all over FB) and she is allowed to do what she wants. Her grades in school are just slightly higher than someone who didn't go at all. She is almost always (weekdays and weekends) at her "friend's" house (not sure why the BM is labeled "custodial" but I digress) or friends are coming over to her house.
I am totally an old fashioned parent as well having raised two children single handedly to productive adulthood. Permissive parenting NEVER works (as Sweden is realizing now as a nation)
LOL! I read that piece of
LOL! I read that piece of news this morning...a nation wide epidemic!
What is with parents letting
What is with parents letting their kids bf/gf sleep over?!? The ONLY time my mom ever allowed it was ONCE when a blizzard came out of nowhere and she thought it wasn't safe to drive so he was given a pillow and blanket and told to stay on the couch. And, I left my room to pee in the middle of the night and thought she was going to kill me for leaving my room! LOL
Ah, the joys of permissive
Ah, the joys of permissive parenting. SD's 2nd cousin's (girl about 16) youngish biodad let his male friends stay over as well as a host of 2nd cousin's male school chums. Soon there was a secret "relationship" and then a few months later when 2nd cuz and this boy were "caught in the act" a charge of rape was lodged.
I wasn't allowed ANY
I wasn't allowed ANY sleepovers because both my half sisters were teen pregos! While it was not good for my social life when I was a teen, I am so happy about it now that I'm an adult looking back. And it didn't kill me! LOl!
I was raised in a VERY strict
I was raised in a VERY strict religious cult. Basically school, church and work was all I was allowed to do. NO sleepovers PERIOD! They did allow my younger sister to have sleepovers at our house SUPERVISED of course.
Looking back I am totally GRATEFUL that I was raised uber strict. The trouble I COULD have gotten into!
me too!!!!
me too!!!!
Lol! I have no idea....as
Lol! I have no idea....as this whole drama was unfolding before my eyes, all I could think of was "OMG!!! WTF!?!"
My SD17 has recently come
My SD17 has recently come back in out lives. I am afraid to broach the subject, because DH won't do it. BM is a horrible parent, but I hope to god, she has this handled...
She is broken up with a boy and is starting to see someone, so I am waiting for the conversation to go to commitment and then broach it.
I had this conversation with BS18 all the time...Why are parents so damn naïve? This is exactly why my kids didn't date until 16.
JSmom....wow! I just read a
JSmom....wow! I just read a couple of your last blog posts. Your family has been through quite a bit. I hope your SD is moving forward with her life for the better. I commend you for what you are attempting.
We never had opposite gender
We never had opposite gender sleepovers in my parents home even as teens. When we were pre-teens we had a few co-ed back yard tent sleepovers or neighborhood kid/family camping trips but mom was in the girls tent and dad was in the boys, ior families were in a tent together, etc....
Not so say that I did not sneak a few young ladies in to my room in the middle of the night when I was in my late teens and early 20s when I was home for the summers.