Deciding to Leave and have my own family
Hi- Ive did a post a while back about needing help deciding whether to stayand have no kids with my boyfriend of 2 years ( he has 3 SK) or leaving to start my own family. We got together on the premise we would have a hild together one day. But he has since been diagnosed with MS and through all the ups and downs of our relationship, we decided we could not have any children. He agrees he is done having kids at his age ( 46). Being 31 I always imagined myself a mother of several kids. Even my family is shocked I have not had any at this point.
I adore my boyfriend and truly love the 3 SKs. They are a great family and I dove head first into fitting in and making it "complete". But my resentment grew and some days I had a hard time being around the kids and bf as they were just a glimpse into what I will never have. I tried to be grateful and I tried to allow them to be enough but I always feel short. I started having panic attacks thinking about never having a child of my own. Today a women at work announced she and her husband are expecting their 2nd child and I had a good cry ( alone of course). Then it hit me with such force- I need to leave and allow bf to find his soulmate- perhaps a single mom or someone who knows they are done having children. I need to go out and hopefully find that someone that would eventually like a family with me. It is going to be a tough few month and saying goodbye to my 3 darling sk will break my heart and theirs. Thanks for all your support.
Good for YOU! In reverse it
Good for YOU! In reverse it would be like forcing a woman who wants to remain child free to have a child. Totally a deal breaker!
Well done. You have
Well done. You have ultimately made the right decision not only for yourself, but for your boyfriend and those 3 children.
Giving up on the dream of a mansion in the sky, or a yaught, is one thing. Giving up on the desire to be a mother, that's something that as the years went on you would become more and more resentful over, you wouldn't be able to help it if your desire is that strong. That resentment would I impact on your relationship, which in turn would impact on the kids.
You have made a tough decision, but the right one for all of you. Good luck.
I'm in a similar situation
I'm in a similar situation myself albeit it married but thinking of leaving to finally have that long desired bio. Only a pity you didn't live in Europe we could have gone out in the town together. Be well and kind to yourself and take care xx
Oh and MAKE SURE YOU FIND A
Oh and MAKE SURE YOU FIND A CHILD-FREE MAN!! Nix the "previously enjoyed first family" altogether!!
Yep - what 'thinkthrice'
Yep - what 'thinkthrice' said. Find man with no kids. It rarely works out as well as your current situation.
I Agree with thinktrice &
I Agree with thinktrice & OC...Find a man without kids! You will both have the experience of having your first child...it may seem a small thing but I think it makes all the difference sometimes.
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the support. My bf is amazing actually and I know he would let me go in a heartbeat and with nothing but positivity and well wishes to find what I am looking for. I know he ( and his children) will be in my life for a long time in some way or another.
Thank you all- truly.
That's a huge choice. I
That's a huge choice. I commend you for going after what you want. I am in a relationship rt now where i will never be able to have bio kids either. Some days it hurts my heart seeing baby clothes in the stores or to think about my sisters enjoying pregnancies that I'll never know. For awhile, I was torn by all this, but now that I am enduring so much with the Step-kids...I am unsure if I were to leave if I would have children of my own. For me...it's not enough to make me leave. I do understand deciding to leave though and I respect that tough choice. Best wishes.
Your journey to this decision
Your journey to this decision has no doubt been difficult. I agree with everyone else who has said congratulations on doing what is right for you. You are in control of this which is often not possible for people in similar situations.
If you were married to your BF my opinion would be different but in your situation based on the earlier alignment about having children together this is the right thing for you to do IMHO.
Good luck, take care of yourself and be happy.