Yes, the X is always annoying and is eternally this ever present spectre looming in the background when we enter a relationship with someone who has a past. In some cases we can bring our own pasts and spectres to the mix.

That said, you are making a big deal out of 30mins.

I would relax, draw a warm bath, grab a glass of wine and not let this take up quite as much space in your head. Escalating by trying to teach your BF a lesson is not a good idea, is at best a waste of time, and at worst is a relationship killing move.

If you are going to make a life with this guy you must learn to let his type of piddley crap go. Pick your battles and fight them over a hill you are willing to die on rather than your BF arriving home 30mins later than you expected him to. He has a child with this woman and like or not she will be a lifelong presence in your relationship. Sometimes a more noticeable presence and at others less noticeable but she will be a presence whether you like it or not. If you cannot tolerate this type of minor irritant then you need to move on and find a partner with no past, no XW/BM and no kids.

I find that the person I find attractive is a sum of their experiences and it is all of those experiences that make my bride so intriguing to me. I would not want her any other way and I would not change a thing … except for maybe watching a national news story about an unfortunate meteor strike in Sperm Land that takes out an entire family reunion that my own Skid happened to miss.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

After reading on this site, as difficult as it may be, try to appreciate that your SO is at least civil with his ex. There are lots who have violent and horrible relationships. Explain to him, in as non-confrontational a way as possible, how you are feeling. Over time, you may get to know BM more and feel more comfortable with the situation. Try and focus on the fact that they are doing their best to get along and co-parent and hopefully she stays as much out of your life as possible in the negative ways.

Trust me, I know it is difficult. I get along really well with BM#1, but sometimes I get annoyed/jealous with my SO with his behavior to her. He has her on this pedestal and talks about how great she is often enough that I finally had to say something. She is a very interesting and accomplished woman, and a great mother....I don't disagree, but I don't have to hear it all the time!

If I didn't know her personally very well, I would have a huge jealousy issue. I just had lunch with her, her parents (SO's Ex-inlaws), SO and the skids yesterday for graduation, so we definitely have a good relationship now. I was definitely jealous in the beginning (been with SO 3 years, known her for a year). I don't know how much of an opportunity you will have to get to know her (drop offs, school events, etc) but it may help put you at ease a little.

Best of luck!

Since you said his place, I'm assuming you are not living together. If that is the case, i would definitely be annoyed if he spent 30 minutes talking to any one knowing I was waiting at his home. I wouldn't make a huge deal about it but I would let him I thought it was rude. I would also be sure if he was more then 15 minutes late without calling again, I would leave and go home. We teach people how to treat us.

I would be annoyed. That being said, she has stopped calling him for the most part. When she does call him she screams into the phone and bitches him out. He puts the phone down and all you can hear is her yelling. THAT I hate. Another woman calling your husband screaming at him? Hell no. He shouldve hung up but he didn't. She's losing control and she knows it. SD17 is a big girl, they have no reason to really communicate that much anymore, we picked a wedding date so she's in freak out mode. Anyway, if she had a question and acted decent fine, but she can't. Thats why it bothers me

Be happy he is mature enough to have a civil relationship with her. If it were the opposite, I can bet there will be a tone of drama as his son grows older.
I'm sorry, but jealousy in regards to conversations held between a mum n dad in regards to such trivial stuff will become your undoing. You shouldn't be telling him (besides anything in regards to you) what type of conversation he can have with her. She is his past. He has to have a civil relationship with his ex for the sake of his child!!

Be happy he is mature enough to have a civil relationship with her. If it were the opposite, I can bet there will be a tone of drama as his son grows older.
I'm sorry, but jealousy in regards to conversations held between a mum n dad in regards to such trivial stuff will become your undoing. You shouldn't be telling him (besides anything in regards to you) what type of conversation he can have with her. She is his past. He has to have a civil relationship with his ex for the sake of his child!!

Be happy he is mature enough to have a civil relationship with her. If it were the opposite, I can bet there will be a tone of drama as his son grows older.
I'm sorry, but jealousy in regards to conversations held between a mum n dad in regards to such trivial stuff will become your undoing. You shouldn't be telling him (besides anything in regards to you) what type of conversation he can have with her. She is his past. He has to have a civil relationship with his ex for the sake of his child!!

Be happy he is mature enough to have a civil relationship with her. If it were the opposite, I can bet there will be a tone of drama as his son grows older.
I'm sorry, but jealousy in regards to conversations held between a mum n dad in regards to such trivial stuff will become your undoing. You shouldn't be telling him (besides anything in regards to you) what type of conversation he can have with her. She is his past. He has to have a civil relationship with his ex for the sake of his child!!

Yep, I can feel ya!! I hate them having any communication whatsoever unless it is kid necessary. When she used to phone him at the drop of a hat moaning and bitching for attention when he was at work, I shut that shit down immediately.

I set in place rules that she is NOT to call him at work at all ie when she knows I wont be there. He had it out with her and now she has stopped that.

So annoying though, right???!!

First, I need to say that the ex-mil is still the grandma to his kid and the new husband will be seeing that child. Maybe even the child will attend the wedding so it is in his interest to know something about all of that.

Having said that, I can't stand this either. Our BM is a motormouth who will stand in my house blabbering about some random co-worker who isn't doing well in training. Now, if she were an international jewel thief or an Interpol officer, this might be remotely interesting. But she's not. Not a single syllable of it is interesting to anyone anywhere on planet Earth.

Then she launches into her Abbot and Costello act with SD14, re-enacting some silly moment they both found funny during the week. This is usually about as entertaining as, "Mom, remember when you were all (makes face) and then I was (makes face) and then (makes face again)?!?!?" Mom starts laughing and they re-live the scenario ad nauseum. No one is laughing but the two of them. The rest of us look like we're having colonostomies.

It drives me absolutely up the wall. My DH says, "she's lonely." SO NOT MY PROBLEM, DH!!!!!!!!!!!

My SO spends at least 30 minutes every time he picks up and drops off his daughter.... Very annoying - its only days apart!! Not to mention this is a woman who has asked him if they could get back together if she left her husband and sent him NASTY (Porno and she is really nasty!) pictures. I have no doubts that he is not going back and I know it is good that they are nice to each other. However, he doesn't get the fact that its disrespectful to me. She hates me and tries to instigate things via his daughter to cause problems. Then he turns around and acts like he is best friends with her every time they meet. I feel that is a slap in the face to me. It gives her and her daughter satisfaction to know that I'm not there and he spends that much time with them... Yes, at times her husband is there too. He gets along with him, but it just annoys me that if I go its a two second interaction. Why isn't it that way all the time? I get if there was something to actually discuss about the SD, but its not... they are just BSing. Like I said not once in awhile.. Every time unless it is raining.

Hello, newbie here. I can completely relate to this too. BM rang the other day whilst I was at work (I work 9-5 and OH works shifts - not sure BM even knows what a job is!) talking about SS13 behaviour. OH told me that BM was on the phone for over an hour talking rubbish about herself for about 99% of the call. I get that they need to talk about the skids but I wish she'd just leave him alone. OH is so scared that BM will stop him from seeing the kids that he won't tell her to stop the chit chat.

Imo he has absolutely no reason to answer the phone to her whenever its his OFF days from the kids. She is a grown woman let her figure it out. If there is an emergency she can send a quick text and he is to respond with a short response or not at all. These men are cowards and its exactly why most of the ex's leave them in the first place. How can u respect a man who has poor boundaries and acts like a pssy? I cant. I dont care what his fears of losing kids are etc.....its in the court systems hands....and also these women wouldnt jeopardize their monthly cs $$$$ either. Afterall they gotta make their car payment on that new Lexus....

After reading your post........one word comes to mind...ONE, and its DISRESPECT. Its inexcusable. Absolutely no reason for him to "catch up" with an ex. NONE. he better figure out which relationship is more important to him to real fast.....either his current gf...ie: potential future wife.....or his PAST BAGGAGE EX. put your foot down girl and watch how fast he shows you his priorities. Then you have your answer.

I'd be pissed too. My partner and the BM are civil, however the majority of handovers are done via school (SD is stb4) if they are doing a direct hand over then it takes place in a public place. He does not go to her house, she comes no where near our house.
They have minimal contact to the extent that if something is needed it is asked/stated via a note in SDs backpack or via text since neither of them enjoy speaking to one another.

It is possible but it is completely in the hands of your partner and the BM, you can suggest things and you can share your point of view but if your partner doesnt see it as an issue then little will change.

I hear ya .... I get upset about the same things too. My DH has KEY to his ex's house. When he picks up the kids (11 and 9) he goes into his old house to get them. Even if she isn't home. When he drops them off, he HAS to walk them to the door (which is ridiculous as it is a house and the car door to the house door is 5 steps), and when he does that, he HAS to engage in conversation with her. If she picks up the kids from our house, he has to walk them out to her car, and then he stands at her drivers side window talking to her for half an hour. Then he comes in and bitches about how he got stuck talking to her. I tell him he wouldn't if he just let the kids walk out there on their own. They aren't 2 years old, they don't need an escort, unless he WANTS to talk to her. Whatever.

They do the catch up thing too, drives me nuts. I have an ex husband as well (no kids), and trust me, if I was to call him up and catch up, there would be hell to pay. But, suddenly because he has kids with her, it's ok for him to do it.

I've talked to him, told him it hurts me, that I find it disrespectful, he tells me to deal. He isn't going to stop going into the house if that is what makes the kids happy. Says he tries to limit conversation with the ex, but, if the kids are present, he isn't going to be rude.

I'm not jealous because I think he still likes her, it's a principal matter. It's an exclusion to me, disrespectful to me. For example, this Hallowe'en he is taking his kids trick or treating WITH her, just like he always does. They do it together, and I am not supposed to be upset. I get that you want to see you kids in costume, bring them to our neighbourhood, do a bit trick or treating here and then take them home where they can trick or treat with their Mom. He said he wasn't going to do that. All that would do is make the kids upset as they want to trick or treat with their parents!!!! :sick:

My DH has keys to BM's house too. Made sense when SS was younger but SS has his own key now. DH used to use it to drop off SS's things that needed to go back to his house. Now it pisses me off because I think she uses that and he probably feeds her dogs when she's not there or some shit like that. I looked at his phone (I know...) And I know he picked up a prescription for her after her knee surgery. WTF?????? Can't say anything though because I found out by looking at his phone... Will he ever stop being her bitch?