I totally understand how you feel. My stepson who is 12 years old just returned home and for me it wasn't fast enough. I don't think it is jealousy. I am not sure what to call it, but it is something I struggle with every time he comes. I have been dealing with these feelings since he was 5yrs old. Every summer he would come for 6 weeks and his father would go off to work. My husband who is a surgeon works long hours. This child had no manners and no rules. He could do what ever he wanted and stay up as late as he wanted. At 12yrs old, he is still immature. My husband provides no support and critizes me in regards to my behavior towards his son. I honestly tried in the beginning, but after having a child of my own 2 years ago...a boy and having to move to a new state when my baby was a month old and my husband starting a new job, living in a house that required work and then having my stepson for 6 weeks pretty much did me in. My husband was non existent. In regards to my husband I do nothing right. So when my stepson is due to visit I feel great anxiety because the pressure is on to perform the way my husband expects it. I have a difficult time relating to his son and I suspect my husband does as well. Though he would never admit it. I guess he expects me to love and adore his son, but I don't. I try to do my best and get through it. I just hope one day I will figure it out because I do know it causes my husband great pain and it causes conflict between us.

I dated my husband for a year before we got married. During that period, his son, who is 10 now, accepted me as a friend. Since we've been married, his son has turned against me. He will not listen to me, always argues with me, calls me names, and has threatened to kill me and call the cops on me. I've done all that I can to help him understand that I'm not trying to take his mom's spot at all, but just be a mother figure. His mom has been put in jail a lot and does drugs. He can see her from time to time, but lives with me and his father. Do any of ya'll have any suggestions as how to approach these situations with his smart allec mouth and him wanting to argue about everything I tell him to do?

My twelve year old SD has lived with my husband and I for a year and a half now. It started with her coming to live with us for the summer and turned into a permamnent arangement because she and her mother have a bad relationship. At the beginning she was fantastic. Never caused a problem, did as she was told, communicated well, very respectful of me and my husband. After about four months she began challenging me specifically. When I tell her to do anything she pretends that she either did not hear me or that she did not understand me. I have even tried making her repeat back to me what I have said to make sure that she understands me. She has lied to close family and friends and has even tried to cause problems between me and her father by telling each of us that we have ben saying nasty things about each other to her. We have tried counseling and it only seemed to make matters worse-if you can imagine that. As soon as we started seeing the counselor my SD ceased all forms of communicaton with both myself and her father. The counselor also told us that my SD is not capable of telling the truth and will tell even morel ies each time she is caught in one. Her behavior has become quite brazen and she is very disrespecful towards me. Now, she threatens to move back to her mom's house each time she gets into trouble, but luckily my husband does not buy into that and doesn't give her the reaction she is seeking. I just don't know what to do anymore. None of our close relatives trust anything she says anymore because she has been caught in so many lies and has caused problems in their households. She is just a pathalogical lier and nothing we do seems to help. Any advise would be appreciated.

I met my stepdaughter 13 years ago when she was 16. At the time my daughter was 1. I married her father 10 years ago. Things started out
ok now that I look back it was ok as long as we were looking the other way but for how long does that go on? Well I learned how long until they do it to your other children. She was the only one in daddies life for a few formatable years. Her mother received child support and did nothing more that put a roof over her head all of the extras in HS and her whole college education was paid by my husband and myself. We have 3 children together. The SD got pregant inside of 3 months of knowing this new guy great a hope she would mature. She lost the baby and then still got married all inside 3 months. It all hit the fan at the shower 3 weeks before the wedding.
She wanted me to sit at the table with her mother and her friends and to leave my 2 girls age 12 and 7 at the time at a table with my sisters. She said I was her step mother and she was as much my daughter as they were. I said your right and they have more right to sit at the table with you then your friends do. The next three weeks she didn't talk to us.The girls and I didn't go to the rehearsal dinner. She exploded at my husband and myself the day before the wedding and her wedding day was the last we saw her. It is a hurt I haven't been able to reconcile with and I am just as angry with my husband as I am with myself and her. He was an overindulgent parent who didn't stick up for himself, our children, or me. We never left her out she had a room in our home she is Godmother to our 5 year old.
She is now 8 months pregnant and has told the other family not to tell us what do we do? My husband doesn't think she has changed. One thing we did try to talk to her but she didn't want to speak with me only him and he said no. If we remain estranged from her I am fearful it could happen with our children. Any advise???

I've been married to my wife for nearly 14 years. She had a son from a previous relationship (not married). He was shacked up with his girlfriend on&off for almost 3 years. Now they have a 1 year old girl and they broke up. They were suppose to get married. My SS moved back in almost a month ago. He had to break the lease at the apt they lived in since they broke up. (he's moved at least 3 times in the last 3 years). He virtually has their entire apartment stashed in my garage. It's packed to the brim! He sleeps in my living room on a futon, doesn't pick up after himself, and there's stuff littered throughout the house. He even has his two cats in my house. (My wife and I already have 2 cats and 2 dogs ourselves) Our house is 1600 sq ft. Last week, we ended up watching his daughter for nearly 4 days straight. He doesn't have his own car. He was using his ex-girlfriend's car the whole time they lived together. Now, he's using our cars to get back and forth to work. He works fulltime at a factory 2nd shift. He eats our groceries, drinks the beverages in the fridge, and doesn't help out with any living expenses. He pays nothing!! In the last few days, his cousin who is 2 years older than him has been stopping over unannounced and making himself at home! Eating food, drinking sodas, etc.. He's even spent the night. I'm starting to feel my nice house I work so hard to maintain and pay a mortgage on is turning into a local "Days Inn". I can't even relax in my living room because this is where my SS sleeps. I work 3rd shift and I've lost sleep either because of noise, his baby crying, or I've had to wake up and babysit so he can leave for work. I'm really at my wits end and am afraid if I confront my ss directly and express how I feel to my wife, there will be a mushroom cloud over my house. Need advice, please...

I wish I would have read your reply sooner, because it makes total sense to me now!! I have done everything wrong. I have done everything I wasn't suppose to do, according to your advice. I've bitched, complained, and verbalized my resentments which have caused several firefights. Not to make excuses, but, when something like this affects me so personally and causes so much unnecessary stress, I have a very hard time just standing back getting kicked in the teeth. I will try the tactics you've suggested, because it sounds like a very intelligent solution. Thanks