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What do I do now?

seesaw208's picture

Submitted by seesaw208 on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 12:48am

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Adult Stepchildren

My SD's both had a sit down with DH while I was at work, they are 21,23. My DH told me about it and how much resentment they had against me but would not tell me what they said. I can only guess but I sure it was not good. They decided to try to get him to leave me.

I feel DH tells them everything that is going on in our marriage and treats they like counselors which I think is so wrong.

Also for sometime the SK's have made sure I do not attend any functions. My SS's best friend got married we have know the family for yrs and we did not get invited. Then SD grad. from college and refused to walk because she did not want me there.

My DH has never once stood up for me against there meanest just makes excuses for them. Also he had never touched me in there presence.

SD told me the other day that I ruined her life and that she felt sorry for DH. She wants me to leave so DH can have some happiness.

The 3 SK never come to see DH and blame it on me. We have been married for 13yrs and I worried if anything ever happened to him first they would throw me out on the street homeless. My DH has everything willed to them.

Sorry so long and thanks for listening.

I am ready to give up it just does not seems worth it. I tried so hard in the beginning, cook cleaned, bought them everything. 13yrs of my life gone for what.

Great Mom but horrified Stepmom's picture

Submitted by Great Mom but h... on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 1:03am

Sounds like your DH is part (a BIG part) of the problem and it won't change. I'd contact a divorce lawyer and get my half.

Sorry, but that is about all you have. He obviously talks behind your back. If that isn't betrayal I don't know what is. You have been left nothing in his will and yes, these SD's will throw you out the second they legally can.

What on earth are you getting out of this?

Get a lawyer, get some money out of this and make yourself a happy life.

stepmom_5's picture

Submitted by stepmom_5 on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 1:48am

It is time to move on and cut your loses. This is a battle you will never win without DH support. It is time to contact a divorce lawyer and get your half. You deserve better than this!

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 2:25am

I don't often advise people to leave, but in this case, your DH sounds a lost cause. He is colluding with his adult children in excluding you and making you feel like shit. This is no way to conduct a marriage.

dontcallmestepmom's picture

Submitted by dontcallmestepmom on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 4:02am

I agree with everyone else.

Don't these adult stepkids have lives of their own? It is ridiculous. Mine have also tried making my DH feel like they need to come first, and that I should be gone. He never even acknowledged that bs, and they stopped. They are still nasty and horrible, but he ignores their crap. I have done nothing to them, other than be nice, and they just want me gone. For them it is a money issue, but the irony is, we do not have any money. In their minds, if DH gives me a dime, that dime should have gone to them. Sick.

You must get your affairs in order, because they certainly can throw you out if something happens to your DH. I don't understand why your DH has everything willed to them. Then again, he has never stood up for you. This is not a marriage at all. Please see a lawyer. My dad's stepdaughter is another one who refuses to grow up. She was making all kinds of noise about how she will be getting his and my stepmother's house someday. Blatantly saying that it was going to be her house. My dad finally convinced my stepmom to go to a lawyer, and they have everything written specifically so that can never happen. If my stepmom had not gone, my dad would have went on his own. He owns that house with my stepmom, but her daughter does not see it that way. In your case, you have no legal claim because of your husband's will. That is so sad.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Submitted by emotionaly beat up on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 5:47am

Seesaw, you absolutely must see a lawyer. I am not even sure DH can legally leave everything to his kids and nothing to his wife, but I am positive sure if your DH dies before you, these kids of his will have you out if that house 15 minutes after his death. Get your legal rights sorted out now or you will either finish up having an expensive legal battle with these kids if you can afford it, or if you cannot afford a legal battle, you will find yourself homeless and penniless. Get legal advice immediately.

seesaw208's picture

Submitted by seesaw208 on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 6:13am

I thank yall so much, you have said everything I have been thinking for a few years now. My brother told me the same thing. I am 51y/o and will have to start over that's sad but I know I can do it. I am just so sorry I stayed this long. I am saving my money and going to go talk with a lawyer. I wish I had never married him. I know he just married me to care for his children cook and clean and pay there bills. I have been used and I allowed it to happen.

When I get out of this sad and depressing house. I promise I will never date again ever, DH has cured me. I will keep you updated on my progress.

Thank you for being here for me.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 7:41am

Well at least if you divorce him you can take half! Eat that in the will stupid skids!!!!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
YEP

seesaw208's picture

Submitted by seesaw208 on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 8:48am

Stepaside,

You are so right on, I remember DH saying once that he would never like having a SM, that's when the SK were little. DH has always felt like he needed to protect them from me and I have been nothing but good to them. My SD comes over to the house and says why did you move this or that in my house, it's crazy.

I feel like DH has always put them first in our marriage. In 13yrs I can only remember a few days of happiness.

I have told this story before on this site but it touched me so deeply and woke me up.
I was taking care of this 72y/o woman who was admitted for depression because her husband of 17yrs died and the SK put her out of her own house. She called her out of town daughter who came and got a lawyer so she could go back home. When the daughter went to the house it was almost empty.

I thought wow that could be me at 72yrs old. I would rather set myself up now with my own house now at 51 than at 72.

seesaw208's picture

Submitted by seesaw208 on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 9:23am

As I wrote this post I was thinking to myself I sound like a victim and I do not want to be one anymore. I want to be strong and brave and stand up for myself. I remember my mother and I said I would never be like her put up with all the stuff she did and I turned out just like her.

I want my bkids to respect me and be proud of there mother's strength. I have disengaged about 6 months ago. I learned about on this site and it has helped me a bunch.

I left my Dh about 4 yrs ago after I came back 5months later my DH told me that skids did not want me back and they tried to talk him out of it, ever since they have treated me poorly. I should have stayed away, I was pretty happy.

Well ladies thank you so much I will continue reading and learning.