It has been quite a while since I posted...but to update...
Haven't spoken to stepchildren in a year and a half. I think they have occasional contact with husband (texts) but I am finally okay with it. I've let it go and I'm not trying to fix it or beg or cajole... So of course, that means my husband's job now requires that we move back to the state where they live. I initially dreaded it but have come to the conclusion nothing has to change. I just dread the proximity and the pain being shut out will cause when I'm finally ok with it. I guess I just need to have low expectations...no, cancel that. No expectations. That way it won't matter.