very mean Step daughter
Help,
This is my first post so I'm sorry if I'm a little all over the place. I don't know what to do. I'm 37 and iI consider myself to be a very attractive woman and have 3 children of my own, 18, 15 and 8. The love of my life age (47) also has 3 children, 21, 18 and 10 None of his kids live with him his son is there on the weekends his 18 is in college and the oldest lives with her boyfriend. His oldest daughter (21) is horrible to me she is up her father's a** 24/7 and is now expecting her first child. A back story we have been together for 3 years now. this coming summer we are going to combine households. His house is twice the size of mine so we are moving into his home and I will rent my house out. she laughs at every FB picture and post we have together. (I buy his children very expensive gifts Ulta makeup and designer handbags) His oldest daughter is outright horrible to me. He has had several different relationships over the years his daughters have always disliked everyone he has been with. (except) his last relationship they loved that woman and they are still very much in each other lives. That woman had no children of her own and was able to be at the girl's beck and call. My boyfriend did not love that woman and the relationship dissolved on its own. We did not rush into this relationship we had been friends for over a year before we even became romantic. and we were dating for 4 months before we meet each other's children. back before we started dating we had been hanging out and were having a few drinks, he had warned me about his daughters he told me they can be nasty and say nasty things. he followed that statement up with however i wouldn't let them just talk shit to your face. With that being said I felt like ok I can deal with that, like who cares what a bunch of children have to say. we live in a smaller town and my boyfriend owns a popular restaurant so him and I know everyone and their kids directly or indirectly. when we first started dating I would go over and help him declutter his house. she gets on twitter and starts bashing me which of course runs like wildfire and I start getting phone calls a text mesg. people I work with their kids told their parents etc and my niece went to school with his kids. so you can only imagine how many people tell me things. I brought it to my boyfriend's attn, I kinda brushed it off but I just wanted him to know. she would bad mouth me to her friends and it would get back to me through coworkers and so on. 2 years ago my boyfriend and I decided to go on a cruise with about 30 of our adult friends. went we booked it I had paid for the whole thing and my boyfriend paid me back. about a month before we went we decided to get the drink package I paid for it again. well, his daughter and her boyfriend decided they wanted to come. my boyfriend didn't ask me or talk to me about it he just invited her. Fast forward we are in line getting ready to get on the cruise and she turns to me and was like she that women my dad dated her. I looked at her and smiled and was like ok. little did she know that when I first met this woman she told me they dated for like 2 weeks but wanted to tell me so I didn't think anyone was hiding anything me and that women are friends. Mind you this is the first vacation I have been on in 18 years without my children. when we get to the port she starts demanding that we go here/ there where ever she wants to go. we had started bar-hopping we stopped in a store and my boyfriend bought me an $80 bracelet. we stopped in a restaurant and they didn't give us enough menus I had no clue what I wanted to eat and nothing really looked go so it was taking me a while. she didn't have a menu as well as a few other people. she looks at me and was like omg the one with the glasses is taking the longest to read the damn menu. I then wait until the waitress comes to take the order before I put my menu down. after lunch we hit a famous bar I pay over $100 for the first round and my boyfriend tells me he will get the next round. she knows how much it was because I asked her if what I gave was a good enough tip. after the 2 round, my boyfriend was dancing and it was only $30 but I was like o where did your father go he said he would get the next round. she looks at me and was like why don't you get it my father has been paying for things all day. ( mind you her and her boyfriend never paid for 1 damn thing) I turned and looked at her and was like your father still owes me $250 for this cruise. he comes over and I tell him I'm done I'm going back to the boat. they get into a fight we walk back to the boat and while we were getting on the boat we met up with some other friends, one of them asked me what was wrong and I told her that "this little bit*h had been trying me all day" well the daughter heard that and went back and told her father I was calling her a little B. me and him got into a huge fight at dinner. needless to say, she has called me a whore to people that I know that she doesn't know knows me. rants all over social media about me non stop nasty to me. we went to New York for her grandmother's 70th birthday and she was so nasty to me the whole time that his brother said something to him about it. My boyfriend didn't confront her but went to her boyfriend and was like she wouldn't like it if I treated you like that so you better get her to stop before there is a problem. the next day we were getting on a carriage ride through central park. we wanted to only take 2 carriages but we had 10 of us with including children the carriage driver points to me and says why don't you go sit in the other one so it's 5 and 5 my boyfriend says no that's my wife shes staying with me. His daughter stands up and screams that's not his wife it's only his girlfriend. Mind you not one person says anything and everyone pretends nothing happened. after the ride, her boyfriend comes up to me and says I'm really sorry for how she acts towards you anytime I say anything it turns into a big fight. fast forward she ignores me when she comes to the house and when we go out to eat. she found out she was going to have a baby so I reached out to her and wanted to take her for lunch. I paid over $500 for her gender reveal party and shes still very nasty. yesterday she sent him a picture of the smoker I got him for Christmas. All I got her for Christmas this year was a high chair and other baby items. anytime I bring up her bad behavior my boyfriend says its because she's immature. What do I do? I have a very bad temper that I have been working on over the years and I feel this situation with her is bringing back a lot of my anger. Side note my childern have Never been rude or disrespectful... because they were not raised like that.
Help what do i do?
Help what do i do?
I am sorry you are being
I am sorry you are being treated badly.
You have acknowledged that this is not the way you wish to be treated. If you move in without the problem being fixed, they will continue to treat you like this. So for starters, you may need to postpone moving in.
I dont know how to address
I dont know how to address this the right way.
I certainly wouldn't move in
I certainly wouldn't move in with him and you might just consider moving ON from him, as being in a relationship that makes you angry is not fair to anybody. Not a lot of fun, either.
You plan a vacation with your BF and he just invites his daughter and her BF? Oh, hell no. Total distrespect, on his part.
He does not have your back, at all, and that may never change, especially with a grandkid on the way. He just makes excuses for her.
STOP spending money on this brat.
Run--Run, as fast as you can!
When I met my husband, he had a 6 and 9 year old. I had a 3 month old and a 3 year old. Fast forward, 10 months later we are married. Fast forward, 6 years married, 7 years together, and a now 3 year old. (by the way, we were both on our 3rd relationship-- our previous 2 children had 2 different mom/dads). The last few years has been hell, and because of my sd. I want to leave, and wish I would never have met sos because of her. At the same time I feel as though, she is mean because she wants me to leave (so in her mind-- her mom can come back, dad hates her mom). I feel as though if things don't change, I will be like you.. And, so if I would have known what I know now... I will tell anyone to freaking run!!! Run for the damn woods, and never look back!!! As a matter of fact, I am thinking about filing for divorce, and because of her and the fact that she is allowed to speak to me as a grown woman.
I am thinking about filing
I am thinking about filing for divorce, and because of her and the fact that she is allowed to speak to me as a grown woman.
Not because of just her, your husband has allowed this behavior, all of this time.
I would have never had allowed my SD (now an adult) to speak to me disrespectfully and my DH would have had my back, all the way, if she had tried.
I think after the first time
I think after the first time this girl was rude to me, and DH sat there like a bump on a log, I would not have done anything more with her. I certainly would not have agreed to go on vacations, family parties etc. Nope. I sure as HELL would not have paid for any gender reveal party for $500.
No one can treat you like a doormat if you aren't laying on the ground. Stop doing things for this girl.
This isn't a SD problem - you have a DH (partner) problem
It's like this...your partner is allowing his daughter to treat you like this. When he wanted to say something about her behaviour he went to her partner?? WTH is that about? That man needs to stand up to SD and tell her that he will not tolerate her treating you like this - it is never ok. If this doesn't happen before you move in, it will keep going and then you will end up like a lot of us here who wish that we had made better rules much earlier as now we are stuck suffering the consequences!!
Seems he knew it was coming too, as you mention he gave you a warning early in the piece. He needs to stand up for your relationship.
First of all, you need to
First of all, you need to stop doing things for his daughter. It will only make you angrier to spend your time and your hard earned money on a girl who treats you badly. Stop.
Second, the biggest issue I see is that your boyfriend doesn't have your back. He should be running interference for you and not permitting his daughter to mistreat you. Since he does not, you can prepare for more of the same. If you can live like this long-term, move in with him and enjoy. If not, it might be time to either demand that he get her under control and/or keep her away from you, or move on. Life is too short to deal with the likes of her.
Please don't move in with
Please don't move in with this man. If you do, you will be sealing your fate, offering yourself up for abuse, and exposing your children to a toxic dynamic.
This man is a spineless dad. The fact that he's allowed his kid(s) to destroy multiple previous relationships demonstrates that he isn't interested in being a better parent. He continues to pursue female company, despite knowing that his kid(s) will attack any woman he partners with. That's pretty selfish if you ask me. And to allow his Alpha B!tch daughter to join you on a couples cruise without even discussing it with you really shows who's in charge and who he cares about pleasing.
This man has issues that make him relationship kryptonite. Cut him loose, and tell him to give you a call if he ever finds his parenting b@lls and gets his venomous maladjusted offspring under control.
Ungrateful mini-wife
So - your boyfriends mini-wife daughter has gotten rid of others with her nasy behavior, but you "hung in there!!!!" So you get 5 gold stars for allowing this ungrateful spawn to crap all over you and leave you wanting more (ie buying her stuff and paying 500 for her "gender reveal party"). How bad does she have to treat you for you to buy her and BF a new car? A new house?
It feels like a game to her, she is getting kibbles as rewards for treating you like dirt.
And BF allows this too. OK. Here is what you do:
1. Do NOT under any circumstances move in with BF. You will be considered the side-chick mistress to SD21 mini-wife.
2. LAY DOWN THE LAW - BF MUST reign in his mini wife and have your back! As his mate/partner he must tell SD21 that she MUST respect YOU and that disrespecting you is disrespecting HIM. That he has chosen to be with you and he will not continue to allow this treatment, both verbally or on social media. He is to cut her off at the knees - no gifts, no help, no money, no nothing if this horrible treatment of his PARTNER continues. The issue I see here is he will tyr to lay down law, she will cry or threaten to withhold his grand and then he will fold. But you must do this - for practice in growing backbone if nothing else.
3. YOU must must must stop doing anything for this bratola. Just no more. Disengage. Block her from ALL social media. If someone texts you something she said, just tell them no longer interested in drama. She wants to bash you? Let her she will fall on her face once baby is born and she is a hormonal mess and is covered in baby poop and spit and vomit. Meanwhile you will be enjoying your best life. In fact book another trip for that period of time and she is to NOT be invited. You will mention this to BF.
PS I hope you mentioned how bad that was to go behind your back!
4. If none of the above works within 2-6 months, LEAVE. Why waste time, $$$ and energy on a man with no balls and a 21-year old selfish self centered BRAT that is not yours. Spend all that on YOUR progeny...
What should you do? LEAVE
What should you do? LEAVE YOUR BF.
First, inject some white
First, inject some white space in your posts. 50,000 characters of uninterupted text is not going to get much of an audience.
Of course we have another "love of my life, but... he is a shitty parent" story.
You have a temper. So let it fly. Since your chosen mate is a ball-less wonder that will not confront his toxic spawn direclty and goes to her boyfriend when she pulls her toxic crap it is going to be up to you to deal with this breeding toxic harpy any time she steps out of line and it is going to be up to you to keep your SO smacked in the face with the facts of his toxic crotch dropping bullshit. Start printing a copy of every toxic thing she posts on FB about you. Start Journaling any crap she does that comes to you through the community you live in and read it all to him each time there is a new entry or toxic FB post.
He needs to know that his gene pool is shallow and polluted and that you will not tolerate their crap or him ignoring their crap.
Since you have chosen to dive into the shallow and polluted mess with him.
Good luck.