A huge update and thank you

First of all, let me thank each and every single one of you that has helped me in regards to my SS that’s in prison for r*ping an underage girl. Everything you all have said has assisted me in getting better mentally and physically as well. You all should be commended as heroes and as great friends/family that sticks together through our trials and tribulations of being step parents.
I wanted to give you all an update so you’d know what’s happened since our last posting.

DH and I have been seeing a counselor that has dealt with the sex offenders unit where we currently live for over 3 years and she doesn’t put up with any crap. If you say something that isn’t true, she’ll call you on it and straighten you out. She, to me, is that good and learning psychology myself through research and studying and life lessons, I feel justified in what I’ve said in regards to SS.
I was tired of having pent up in anxiety in regards to “watching what I was saying” because this was DH’s son. While sitting with the counselor having a couple’s session, I admitted to him that I didn’t want anything to do with SS because of his actions and that I don’t know if I ever want anything more to do with him. To me, what he did hit home in a terrible way and that I don’t want that kind of stress or that kind of person in my house that doesn’t give an ounce of care to anyone but his own needs. I also stated that I own a weapon and that I’m not going to give up something that I have because of the ungrateful sot. Oh yes, there’s more. I made the ultimatum that because of the rifle in our house, he’s not allowed anywhere near me, near the house and that DH needs to see him at a neutral location. When and if he gets out of prison, I will not attend any holiday functions like Christmas or Thanksgiving; I’m not going to “put aside” my feelings for DH just so that we’re all together. DH was told that because of his love for his son, there were no established boundaries and that’s why SS did what he did. DH felt like he failed his son and the counselor said, “No. He failed you.”
BINGO!!!
So, to make a long story short, DH and I have been trying to get our marriage back on tract. I’ve admitted to him that we’ve dealt with his son and his mother that I don’t know what it is like to be married to him. Everything has been one issue after another-his son, his mother, all this adding up to me wanting to just flee (fight or flight, you know). I admitted to the counselor that I wanted to flee the marriage because of all of the issues that we’ve been dealing with and DH growled at me stating, “That’s all you wanted to do anyway.” I came back to him stating, “I don’t know. How would you feel if my son, your SS, did what he did to that 13 year old girl, my mother yelling at you trying to put you in your place stating that the reason why her grandson was screwed up was because he has ADD/ADHD…” all of these excuses on why her grandson was going to prison.

I stared at him with bravery saying, “And that I why I don’t have anything to do with my dysfunctional family. I don’t want to subject you to their mess and I don’t expect you to. My family has a lot of issues and a lot of drama on their own. You’ve got enough going on.”
The counselor has told DH that, in all honesty, his behavior is sociopathic and that, if let out, will commit a crime again and this time, it would be much worse. She also stated that, because of the extent of his crime, he will not get parole until he gets the recommended counseling necessary for his release. Well, sadly, he hasn’t gotten any. He tells his grandmother and his dad that, “If I go to those meetings, the will find out and they’ll hurt me.”

Come to find out that he was offered a place here in our city where there was a sex offender unit available. He would be away from the general population, he’s get the help he needed because he would be with those like him. He would’ve gotten the help he desperately needed and then, after 3 years, he would be released on parole and starting a new life. He was offered this once and he turned it down but yet failed to tell us. DH was horrified and then he got angry. He finally admitted there were years where his son never gave him any Father’s Day cards or acknowledged DH as a father. Hearing this hurt me as DH found out that SS can not only never live with us, that if he came over to the house where we were, he’d want to stay for long periods of time and go back to the same behaviors.

Who won in this? I don’t think there is a clear winner in this argument. However, everything I said was validated and vindicated by the counselor as DH needed to hear everything I was saying from someone who knows the system. SS is a sociopath and should not be allowed in public at all. So….

I have not confessed this to anyone but you all. I wrote a letter to the parole board stating the problems SS has, what he’s done, what I have in our house, what he’s been saying to his family, his inability to get help because of his fear of being “found out”. The letter was scathing to say the least but it was truthful as I fear that if SS was released, he’d hurt again and that I do not think he would be a contributing member of society. My conclusion is that he belongs in a mental facility where he can get the help and possibly live the rest of his life. I know what I did probably sounds cruel and mean and horrible but it’s the truth. I don’t trust SS; he has lost the trust of his family and I’m fed up having it take over my life. No, I haven’t told DH nor will I. I am not comfortable with him being out in public knowing his sociopathic behavior. Being a victim so long ago, I guess I’m trying to protect those who could be potential victims. I want to protect the young women and girls that could be hurt by him. I know that I would be chided for writing the parole board but I, in good conscience, cannot nor will allow this man out in public.

Since the counseling appointment, I’ve been diagnosed with panic disorder and have to take Valium 3 times a day. This morning, I woke up with a panic attack and I’m frightened. I didn’t have these issues when before I started dating DH. I didn’t have depression, I didn’t have panic attacks, I worked out, I ate right, I tanned and felt good and now I’ve turned into a huge mess. I’ve gained 100 lbs since this all started but, after a night of drinking beer and mixing my hydrocodone, I finally saw the light. So I decided to eat better, stop drinking soda, start walking everyday at lunch and start writing and doing interviews for a book I'm writing about (I don't want to give too much away here). I stopped feeling sorry for myself and decided to not put up with crap, not deal with MIL because, plainly, she's just an unhappy, negative, sarcastic person, and start getting my life in order.

So thank you to each one of you who battle every single day with stepparenthood, dealing with abusive SKs and DH/DWs who can't see their butt from a whole in the ground because they're kids "can't do anything wrong" or "they come from a broken home so they need extra love compensation". Yeah, whatever. If your spouse married you and their kids are acting like they need enemas every second of the day, then you need to put your foot down and say, "You know...I have some Fleet and know how to use it." They ask what Fleet is...show them a garden hose...

Thank you!!