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Stepped into a Land Mine

AVR1962's picture

Oh my goodness, this was not intentional and I feel terrible. I have not had contact with oldest SS in like 9 years, he is 32 now. His dad and I have been married 22 years, husband had full custody and bio mom was absent......I raised this stepson.

husband is out of town and he set up some "Family" page on FB for my 3 daughters, myself and his oldest son. It came thru as a message like you would message several people at the same time. Al it said was "Family." So I asked what this was all about and did not hear back so I IMed him privately. He answered on the family acct and I thought I was reply to his private message and in it I told him that I highly doubted his son woulds reply with me included in the group. One of my daughters then contacts me thru a private IM and lets me know that everything I just typed could be seen by everyone included and then i realized I was not IMing privately with my husband. I apologized to husband thru private IM as he is out of town, he understood. In all honesty eventhough I made this mistake I am not hiding anything or covering anything, husband's son hated me from the time we told him we were getting married and things only got worse as he got older. Like I mentioned he and I have not had any contact in at least 9 years. I know that my husband wants a relationship with his son and I am certainly not trying to hold him back from that so I feel bad that he reached out to his son this way and my reply went thru so he could see it. I feel like a fool!

toywas's picture

Why apologize? You were honest; you've have no contact in 9 years; and you have no idea how the settings were set up. After no contact for many years, I'm sure the walls are up on both sides. Again, don't apologize!

Amber Miller's picture

I don't have a Facebook account so I don't know how to use it but isn't there any way that you can delete the message?

AVR1962's picture

I can close out the message but the thing is that it went to my stepson's inbox as well and when he goes to his inbox he will see it.

Orange County Ca's picture

Did you insult him? Call him names? Tell your husband you disliked him or worse?

OK it would have been better if you used a clearly private communication but if none of the above happened you've got nothing to apologize about. Of course after 9 years you would wonder if someone was pulling a scam or a dirty trick.

You can contact the webmaster and ask that any comments you made on his website be deleted. If they're not that busy they'll usually comply.

jennaspace's picture

I agree, if you didn't say anything derogatory about SS then you simply spoke the truth. You were probably right and he knows it. Was ss on the page yet? If not, he may not be able to see the comment.

AVR1962's picture

Thanks everyone for your replies. I did not say anything about stepson except that he would not participate in anything I was included in which I know is true. It just comes across as being very bold to say when he is included on the joint email. I later told my 28 year old daughter that this was not anything new and nothing I said was false, I just had not meant to include my stepson in the conversation with his dad. She told me she knew and she found no fault in what I had done.

The last time I had a near encounter with my stepson was visiting my sister-in-laws house where family had gathered in the vents surrounding my husband's mother's funeral. One of the cousins met me in the yard, hugged me, told me how great it was to see me. I enter and boy did I get the cold shoulder from my sister-in-law and her husband, her daughter would not look at me. What I did not know was that step son was in the house. The cousin came out to give him time to leave the room. I then am standing in the kitchen where a friendly family member had welcomed me and I see step son heading across the lawn and across the street to a car, he left with one of the other cousins. The family was covering for him.

AVR1962's picture

More that my husband is still trying to have a relationship with his son and step son seeing this could cause more trouble between them.

callmedone's picture

I'd just be grateful for his avoidance tactics. Sure beats the pretending everything is just 'fine' crap I've been caught up in for the past several years. Accident or not.. all you're guilty of is speaking the truth. And, like everyone else on the planet.. you're entitled to your truth. I'd let the message stand. No need to worry.. the truth defends itself.

AVR1962's picture

Thanks everyone for all the wonderful replies and the great support. I do not know how I would have made it all these years without this group. It is part of what has kept me sane dealing with the chaos.

Newimprvmodel's picture

You did nothing wrong.......you were honest. If only these step kids could appreciate the time and energy we put into relationships with them.or would have in your case and mine.
I started out really truly wanting a relationship with people who gave me the axe.
Don't give this another thought..