Married for 28 years. Husband recently passed away. 2 adult BD and 2 adult SD. Over the years Christmas been stressful,due to the fact that my 2 adult SD give gifts to each other and not to my 2 BD at our Xmas get together. My husband, myself and 2 BD always felt this was not a kind thing to do, but my husband, fearing rejection from his BD would not say anything to them. All gifts from my husband and myself were and are now always approximtely equal in to the kids, their husands and grandchildren. Even included is the son of my 1 SD's live in boyfried, whether he attends the get together or not. It got so tense that my BD did not want a joint celebration anymore so we ended up with 2 Xmas celebrations. Since the death of my husand, the kids have been working on becoming more of a family. We all wnet on vacation this summer and everyone had a great time.

This brings me to this Xmas. We have a planned get together for all and I have reuqested that the giving of gifts be equal, i.e. no gifting to your sister and not your stepsister. If you want to give only to your sister do it privately. My step son-in-law thinks my BD should just suck it up and that it doesn't really matter and that the important thing is to be together.
I need some confirmation that I am not being petty and that this is the right way to handle this.