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SD Wedding

stepped-on's picture

Submitted by stepped-on on Mon, 09/24/2007 - 7:51am

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Adult Stepchildren

I have questions on what is proper when it comes to the SD getting married. First, when it comes to giving the bride away, does the father still say, "her mother and I"? What about picture taking? Do we do everything the SD wants or do we have any say? We are paying for the majority of the wedding. At times I'm feeling like the mistress. I hate that feeling. Thanks

Mary Louise's picture

Submitted by Mary Louise on Mon, 09/24/2007 - 10:06am

one of the best sites I have found wile planning my wedding so far is brides.com. Their forums address the etiquette side of your question.

In reality - the old "brides family pays for everything" rule is pretty much out the window. Pay for what you can afford. As far as wording I think that it is appropriate to have your husband's name, your name and her bio mom's name on the invitation if she is helping with costs. Some couple are leaving off the parents' names if they are paying for it themselves.

hope that helps.

frustratedmom's picture

Submitted by frustratedmom on Mon, 09/24/2007 - 10:15am

I was just thinking the other day, if my BF and I get married, years from now his DD is going to get married. Yeah she's only 7 right now, but someday it's probably going to happen, but the thought just kinda popped up and wow reading this I never thought about picture taking? In the future is it going to be dad and the ex standing next to her? or him and I?? the thought of it makes me sick.

Anyway I would think when your DH gives her away he would say "I do" because he's the one giving her away. I'm sorrry I'm not much help on this... also is your DH's ex married? If so maybe there would be pictures taken of your SD's BM and her new man? or just your DH, SD, and you together? I wouldn't imgagine having your DH, the ex, and your SD all in one picture??

Austen's picture

Submitted by Austen on Mon, 09/24/2007 - 10:41am

stops at forcing you to get in a picture with the BM.
The photog should take a picture of your side of the family with the bride and groom, and her side of the family with the bride and groom. The bride can get a picture with her father and one of her with both of you, and a separate picture of her and BM. As I stepmom, I wouldn't holler "hold on just a minute" were the photographer to try to get a shot of the BM and DH, but I'd certainly poke my husband until he piped up about it. The photographer will ask the bride for a list of people she wants in photographs, so this should avoid any difficulty later on. Approach your husband to broach the topic with his daughter beforehand, just to make sure.
Most times, if brides take money they have to be willing to share planning with the parents paying. That said, I'd just give her the agreed-upon sum and let her do all of the planning. It's such a headache and is, of course, her day.
As for giving her away, why not just have the pastor/priest/whatever eliminate the question when they get to the end of the aisle? Daddy can kiss her, shake her husband-to-be's hand, and leave it at that.