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SD getting married

Iamhated's picture

Submitted by Iamhated on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 3:17pm

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Adult Stepchildren

Ok here it goes got an email from our SD today and she was saying that its her wedding and that she wants her father to share in the walking down the isle with her SD, which would be ok but this is the man that took her mom away from both children and the bio father my DH raised them. The kids were 9 mos and 3 at the time now they are 29 (the boy) and 25 (the girl) and that mother hadn't been in contact with them until they were 16 when they left us!!

So let me go back a little I came into the picture when the kids were 13 (boy) and 10 (girl) the boy was a run away and constantly trouble the girl was still young until she reached 15 yrs old...see I was always the one catching her as she was getting in trouble so she left at 16 to her mother...her mother didn't like how she was so she kicked her out and she moved in with her boyfriends family.

so fast forwarding WE put the SD thru college...not her Bio mom and SD while staying in the area of her mom. The son went into the army and is married and has two kids. Now my question to you all is where am I in this wedding of hers if she's having the step dad walking her down the isle she doesn't want me in the wedding..what am I chopped liver?.I am appalled at the fact that she doesn't care about her dad's feelings or mine she doesn't accept me or respect me as her SM...she doesn't know me at all since she's been an adult
I feel like staying home and not going to the wedding or should I go and hold my head high...help me please

neversecondplace's picture

Submitted by neversecondplace on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 4:19pm

OK Iamhated....the truth is that these adult brats never think of anyone but themselves. That is the bottom line. Just my opinion.
I think you should go and hold your head high. You have every right to be there and deserve to be there. If for any reason go to support your DH. :O

12345's picture

Submitted by 12345 on Tue, 08/09/2011 - 6:04pm

There is a lot of information that you did not provide that I think would be important to how you should react. Do you know if there is a reason she wants her SD to co-give her away? Just because SD didn't raise her does not mean that they haven't built a relationship now or he impacted her in some way. It sounds like she had a tough time as a teenager but that doesn't mean she hasn't changed. You said she doesn't know you as an adult so wouldn't that mean you don't know her as an adult either? She emailed her father to tell him what she wanted to do so clearly some thought went into his feelings. Otherwise she could have just told him in passing or the day of. You didn't even say if your husband is upset about this, but if he is he should talk to her about it. You need to stay out of that issue.

As far as your involvement, you didn't say she said she didn't want you there. So what makes you think she's excluding you. "Mothers" are not a part of the wedding party so even if you had a wonderful relationship she wouldn't ask you to be IN the wedding. Based on the limited information you provided she doesn't sound bratty or selfish at all. If you are invited to the wedding and stay home to pout I think you'll regret it later.

asheeha's picture

Submitted by asheeha on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 10:46am

I would say go to the wedding. If you don't, you will look bad, and she will remember you badly. I doubt she will even get to visit anybody very much. I didn't at my wedding. Go and support your husband and visit with the friends and family that are there.

I had both my dad and step-dad walk me down the isle. And it is hard to find ways to include mom's in the ceremony, especially if there isn't a candle-lighting ceremony. It can be done, but it takes creativity and EFFORT. And nothing as big as walking the bride down the isle.

I'm sorry you feel she doesn't appreciate you, but you are part of her family and you should be there. I think you'd regret not going and I think every time she looked at the photos and you were absent she would think badly of you, not herself.

Boudicca's picture

Submitted by Boudicca on Wed, 09/21/2011 - 3:42pm

I agree with Asheeha. I think you should go to the wedding. My SD has recently announced (to her father) that she is getting married. I don't even know if I will be invited. SD hates me because I came between her and daddy's checkbook. You are her family whether she likes it or not. Go and hold your head high!