SD 23 Wants her Boyfriend to Stay with Us

Forums:

My dh and I have been married for 8 years. We both have three children. I have been having trouble with skids from the start. Dh never put me first, so we have had a lot of problems. The kids are all on their own now. The problem is that his daughter 23 is living with her boyfriend in a different state, which I don't approve of. Boyfriend has accepted a job in our town, and wants to know if he can stay with us until he can get on his fee. Dh is all for this, but I don't want him to move in with us. They aren't even married for heaven's sakes. He's not even part of our family. I've only met him twice.

Am I wrong?

My answer would be not just

My answer would be not just NO but FUCK NO!!

If he is moving for a job,

If he is moving for a job, why does he need to "get on his feet"? People move all the time and don't have someone to stay with; they find a place and move. This is weird and you aren't wrong.

Nope. That's why they have so

Nope. That's why they have so many motel-by-the-week places. People move and live on Ramen noodles and microwave popcorn at these places while they are squirreling away money. This is your home and DH is inviting an adult stranger to move in --- no way.

You should feel free to not put a bra on Saturday mornings if you want and not worry that you have to background check a virtual stranger who will scratching himself in your family room. Think of the details: Who pays utilities? Who buys food? Is there a contract? What if SD and he break up while he is there? What if he brings home other women? What if he does drugs in your house? What if he brings his pit bull/rottweiler cross dog? When is the "this is it" ending date instead of a vague "feet on the ground." (Which may never happen.) Just do not go down that road at all.

The man can come for dinner whenever it is convenient for you and DH can go visit him every day if he wants to bond. Live in YOUR home? Nope.

It's strange your DH is all

It's strange your DH is all for having a man who is pretty much a stranger to you live in your home. Weird, and kind of creepy. Ick.

Not to be a contrarian,

Not to be a contrarian, but.... Charge him rent, give him chores, SD stays in a separate room. Give him until his second pay check when he must be out and payed up on what he owes you. This may be a chance to build some political capital with DH and with SD-23.

When my brother's BIL finished med school he had to take the MED boards in GA. My aunt (mom's sister) and her family live there. My brother's Doc BIL moved into my aunt and uncle's basement for a few months while he studied for the boards. They did not know him, he did not know them, it worked out fine.

If SD's BF is a dirtbag, then of course my suggestion is useless and you need to protect your home and family accordingly.

Actually, he is coming wthout

Actually, he is coming wthout my SD. Just him

Thanks for your comment.

I would say NO as well,

I would say NO as well, because once you let him in for a certain amount of time, he won't LEAVE. Nevermind that your privacy and peace of mind is shot to shit. I see Rags' point but there's no way in hell SD23 would stay in her own room, either. It just wouldn't work. My SD19 knows not to even invite her BoyF over because when I'm not at work, I'm cleaning my house and relaxing. Go do your young adult shit somewhere else.

They want a free ride. I agree, tell them motel by the week rates and mac n' cheese. Toodles!!

~ Moon

My SD will be in a different

My SD will be in a different state at the time he wants to stay. Should I still say no?

Yes, you should still say no.

You are absolutely not wrong,

You are absolutely not wrong, for many reasons, but the fact that you barely know him is pretty high on the list.

Check your state laws, once someone takes up residence in your home, it can be hell to get them out. Make sure your DH knows that and put your foot down about this.

Thank you for your support

Thank you for your support and response. I totally agree!

So, shouldn't my DH be on the

So, shouldn't my DH be on the same page when he tells SD? He said he would just tell SD that I don't want him to stay at my house. This takes away any unity from DH and I. SD hates me as it is.

You're absolutely right. I

You're absolutely right. I think it's just his way of giving her anything she wants (like usual).

Thank you for taking the time

Thank you for taking the time to give such good advice. I have a lot to chew on. If DH continues to put his kids first, I don't know if I can stay, it's too hurtful.

Don't make sd & her

Don't make sd & her boyfriends problem yours!

Thank you! I agree.

"Until he gets on his feet."

"Until he gets on his feet." This is vague, what exactly does it mean? Does it mean that he's going to be living with you rent and utility free? Will you also be providing meals and maid service? Who decides when he's on his feet? Will it be when he gets the first paycheck? Is he trying to save up money by having you foot all the bills?

My opinion is that the man child can do what so many of us did and find some roommates, stay in a hostel. DH could be really helpful and send him some Craigslists ads.

I'm all for having "guests" and out of town visitors but I've had to say no to a few family members and my own DD who wanted to come "stay with me for awhile."

Why is your DH kissing his Azzz? Trying to suck up to his little girl to get her back in town so you can have horrible family time together again?! Ohhh Yippee!!!

There is only one answer here, NO.