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Yasadora's picture

Submitted by Yasadora on Mon, 07/09/2012 - 4:35pm

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Adult Stepchildren

I'm sad.... I'm angry... I know there is nothing I can do to change what is unfolding in front of me.
I have posted once before about the engagement and weddIng planning of my OSD.... We settled, the DH and I, on the lump sum approach with the thought this would be less desructive than any other way.... At first it appeard to work... But mommy dearest is manipulating and controlling and has been relentless with the OSD to the point she has started to be difficult again. This so pains my DH... He is being trashed, what he, In reality WE, offered was very generous .... But mommy dearest has decleared it is not enough!
Complicating all of this is the spousal support is scheduled
To stop at the end of the year.... Money dearest claims poverty!! She has as much as us... But now it is getting worse.... My DH wants a relationship with his daughter, but it is being strained by all the controlling manipulation. He is being eaten alive.... I'm angry and sad....
I tend to be invisable to OSD and mommy dearest, I didn't cause their breakup, I came later....
How crazy would it be for me to try and talk to OSD?

dontcallmestepmom's picture

Submitted by dontcallmestepmom on Mon, 07/09/2012 - 5:24pm

I completely agree! My FDH's young adult children/babies are ALL about money. In their eyes, he exists to give them what they want. He is not their dad, he is a wallet. There is no love, nothing but a desire to have him give in to their every whim. My FDH does not have much, but he was giving them so much that it was out of control. He works 6 days a week and we live in like the rest of middle class, probably towards the lower end. They do not care. Also, it will never be enough for them, he could win the lottery and give them a million and it still would not be enough. He stopped the cash flow last year and they got nastier. Now, we only hear from them if they are really desperate.

I am viewed as the evil bitch/whore who is taking their dad's cash. I work hard, and they refuse to. In their mind, I am the reason they can't get what they want anymore. They also want BM and FDH back together. Anyway, I tried being nice and they shit all over me. NEVER AGAIN.

I would not waste your time. DO NOT give her any more money. She needs to grow up, but with an interfering BM it is very hard.

Poodle's picture

Submitted by Poodle on Mon, 07/09/2012 - 4:56pm

Did you notice your wonderful freudian slip? Mommy dearest became money dearest, lol! Biggrin Sums it up. You've made the offer, now she can take it or leave it, doesn't need to be discussed further and if she tries to do so he can just blank her saying he is too hurt.

Poodle's picture

Submitted by Poodle on Mon, 07/09/2012 - 7:08pm

Look, OCC's reacted to the poster who some days ago said he never responded to challenges. We've got a generic challenge-response as part of his signature! Biggrin

ownedbypedro's picture

Submitted by ownedbypedro on Mon, 07/09/2012 - 7:39pm

...and he can't spell adviCe. Sorry...just sayin - for someone so "holier than thou" - you would think...

Yasadora's picture

Submitted by Yasadora on Wed, 07/11/2012 - 12:06pm

Thanks all... It is just so crazy making.... Very much like my own version of Alice and wonderland!
I went into this a lovey adult no issues with anyone.... No crazy stuff... I managed to survive my own divorce and then thrive...
Meet a wonderful man and we have been happy .... Happiest time of my life....then I fall into this "hole" And reality is skewed!
I agree with all.... I don't think any conversation will do any good.... I will remain supportive of my DH who is trying to do the right thing.(the amount of our flat/single payment is enough to pay for 1/2 a house in some
Parts of this state!) I will remain neutral when with this extended "happy family"
Head up high... Not dragged into it....
It is still sad

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

Submitted by LostinSpaceandTime on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 1:56am

Yes it is sad. Always will be. When you have those sad moments just take a moment to acknowledge your feelings. Then remember how happy you felt before all the crap hit the fan. Then Remember the reason you feel sad. Don't spend too much time on it in your brain. A nanosecond maybe like fast forwarding a bad movie clip. Breathe deeply and expell the sadness with that breath out. Take in a deep breath and forget it all. Think on how great it is that you do not have to be engaged in this mess or waste anymore head space on it. think of happy thoughts. The sadness you feel is because you are a good person who does nota understand how people can be this way. The sadness you feel will fade in time. Perhaps it will be less sad than another sad memory, the loss of a pet, family member or a favorite pair of jeans. Perhaps it already is less sad. Regardless , acknowledge the sadness, breathe deeply, exhale the sadness, move on with your day. Be happy again.
Peace.

Yasadora's picture

Submitted by Yasadora on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 5:56pm

Thank you lost space and time...your words are helpful... I am not a spiteful person...I want them all to find peace... It is a shame that they all suffer so much... Yet this suffering in the form of mean or unthinking expressions occasionally spill onto me...I feel tainted by it...I try to "wash it off" but their behaviors can be so difficult......I have transitioned to a "bearing witness" point of view...I see the suffering...I see the mutual pain...I see adults behaving like the hurt children they are inside...and I pray they find peace...and I try to let it go.....you are correct...it is sad and always be sad....I am trying not to join them in their suffering.....