Questions...please don't think they are weird
Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum. I'm 24 years old and still live at home with my dad and 18 year old sister. My mom died 6 months ago after a battle with leukemia 
I had a very close relationship with my mom after I turned 18. I loved her to death because we seemed to treat each other more as equals, as opposed to adult-child. We traveled together, went out places together, made quilts together, long coffee chats....it was really special.
Recently my dad had talked about dating again. Im so not opposed to this in the least, it is his life and his business. I don't expect him to stay alone for the rest of his life.
My question am I weird for, if he wanted to remarry, to want to develop a close friendship with my stepmom? You have no idea how much I miss having my mom I dont expect said stepmom to replace my mother or treat me as a daughter. But I really, truly miss having that older, wiser woman to look up to.
If my post doesnt make sense, I'm sorry....
I Know that You Think
your reason's are selfish (wanting an older, wiser woman to look up to) but don't overlook the selflessness in your request as well, and that is I'm sure you want the best for your dad and for him to be happy. In some ways you're looking out for him as well so you won't feel fully responsible for his happiness when it's time to spread your wings and fly.
I'm so sorry for your loss and I truly admire your strength. I hope you're blessed with a wonderful companion for your dad.
well I didn't say i WANTED
well I didn't say i WANTED him to remarry nor am i REQUESTING him to go out and date. this is all of his own choosing....and i was just asking if it would be weird for me to want to develop a close relationship with whomever he choose. i didnt know it made me selfish......
I Didn't Mean That
I misunderstood your post and the meaning of "wierd". I apologize.
d
d
dating
Its not to soon for your dad to start dating, but it may be too soon for a relationship. I think men really do not like to be alone and that is the reason that most men will remarry shortly after the first year and usually women wait about 2 years. I've seen quite a few divorces because the people really were not ready for marriage, but they were trying to make the lonliness go away.
It will be wonderful for the 4 of you if you do have a good relationship.
I think it's lovely
I have filled this role myself for young women who weren't close to their mom's for whatever reason or lost their mom's too young. I think it's wonderful that you're open to this and I'm sure being open will help your father to chose wisely!
But for now I would suggest you join some women's groups in your area, and you may find some more older women to have a meaningful friendship with. My mom's done that with at least one young female co-worker who lost her mom. They became very close friends, and her friend was so happy to have that kind of friendship again.
One suggestion I have is to look for writers groups. I am involved in a women's writer's group and attend a writers retreat with my mom every year. What's wonderful to see is how many of these women admire that my mom and I do this together. I also have found many older women friend/mentors myself. So why wait for your dad to find the right one? Go out and meet some fantastic women friends yourself too!
Good luck to you and keep us posted.
Peace, love, and red wine
PS
Just wanted to say I LOVE your screen name. I played Anne in Anne of Green Gables in my early 20's and Kindred Spirit holds a special place in my heart
My thoughts are going to be with you this first holiday season without your mom.
Peace, love, and red wine
MissPuggy Oh, thank God for
MissPuggy
Oh, thank God for the way you feel about your dad dating again - and especially for the hope that you will develop a healthy relationship with a future step-mom. Believe me, your question is FAR, FAR from weird. How I wish you were going to be MY stepdaughter!!!
I think that is wonderful
I think that is wonderful that you think about how you can except another woman for your dad. My advice would be... she is 'not' your mother, she is 'not' a replacment, she may have many faults do you do 'not' like. She will be your fathers new love, 'not' yours. As long as you do not interfere too much, stay out from bewteen them, respect her, spread your wings and fly as an adult everyone can be happy. She may turn out to be your best friend, 'and' your dads true love. The only problem I can see is if you build your expectations too high, only to dispoint yourself and ultimately your dad if things don't go not exactly as you wish. Here is a perfect story of how the age of a child has alot to do with the step-relationship. They can try to appraoch it with a mature mind.