You are here

Not my circus not my monkey!

ETexasMom's picture

Submitted by ETexasMom on Sun, 01/10/2016 - 9:56am

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

SS saw on my BD18 facebook page that were coming to town for a funeral (my family and steps live in same town) and starts asking if we were coming to see them. My response was "you'll have to call your dad and ask" so he does and DH doesn't answer. Lol normally this is where I would step in and tell DH that we should stop in and visit on our way home but you know what i'm not "family" so not my problem! If DH mentions it we will stop at SS's house but I'm done telling him we should do it. I'm spending today at a wedding show with my sisters and dh is spending the day with my bil. I will leave keys to car with him so if kids try to blame me for him not coming over he had keys, phone, and all afternoon to go!

Ignore any typos I'm on my phone :/

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Sun, 01/10/2016 - 4:11pm

No, you should not be responsible for making sure DH contacts the skids. You are not family, and you are not getting paid to be DH's secretary. This is his 'circus'. The skids will still probably blame you even if your DH had the car keys. Do you really care?

sammigirl's picture

Submitted by sammigirl on Mon, 01/11/2016 - 9:48pm

Stay your new boundaries! I also began doing all of the above the past 2 years. I began disengaging six years ago; but finally washed my hands of all the little errands I was doing for DH in regards to his grown kids. We don't discuss skids, I just let it ride and let DH handle all birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. My DH also has very little to do with skids now that I stepped back; also makes me wonder.

Just this past weekend I was informed, the night before, SS and wife were coming to town for a couple of days. I get along well with them; although I didn't offer to fix meals or go out of my way at all; I just did not reply to the announcement. They spent the night at SD's house, just up the street, first time ever. They had all their meals there and came down the street to our home and visited for several hours. It was very pleasant and I was not stressed one minute. SD was a bit stressed with all she had at her house; she has never turned a finger before and always dumped it on me. It has been two years since I've had holidays at our home, only visits; I always offer a cold or hot drink and that is it!

You will enjoy your new freedom.