Lord help me, I am too strong to feel this weak...
Thinking you're disengaged and being disengaged aren't the same... Just last Sunday, YSD(49) calls hysterically crying because the jackass she pokes - and we have continued to warn her about - has just posted her contact information (cell #, address) on an escort website in her city - including nude porn pictures she had texted him. Really?? These are consequences of extreme stupidity. Initially she lies that he must have taken pictures when she was sleeping... If I had ever been stupid enough for this to happen to me - my first call would NOT have been to cry to my father.
Before daybreak this morning, one week later, the phone rings... She's broken her leg, "worst break ever" and she's blacking out from pain but she's going to need a loan since she won't be able to work... No details about how she broke her leg in the wee hours just that she'll need money and she works from home as a FUCKING Telemarketer?? This weird woman child has no friends, dates creeps she meets online (no disrespect to online dating - works well for many!), and it's sad to me that a life with so much potential seems to function or dysfunction one crisis to the next. Never married, pretty, college degree - but empty spiritually and lives without accountability.
I wish I could be disengaged to every emotion but I can feel my heartbeat in my fingertips!! Besides writing checks, my husband's parenting skills probably stopped at ejaculation. In my heart, I believe people have it within themselves to be good, productive, compassionate and courageous if they want to be - regardless of speed bumps they faced early on. Anyway, I'm grateful to have been born to parents who worked hard, loved harder and instilled those values in their children. Thanks for reading and lightening my load today. Be Strong or Run Long!
She is 49 and not going to change
You either put up with it, and pay her to keep up with her loser life style. Or tell SO that his problem not to involved you.
make your DH get a second job to support his. DD. Not used common money
At What Point do you take accountability
I have no experiance in this situation. But I know that at 49, Huston we have a problem !!!!!
At what point in any persons life are they to be held accountable for their actions?
When is parental resposeability to a child taken over by the child?
IMHO at 18 you are an adult in every sense of the word. That is when I would cut the ties.
I always ask how is this my problem? I will love and nuture but it is not my job to tell an adult how to live their life.
All action have concequence's good and bad.
I have the utmost empathy with your situation.
All the best Jake
At 18 years old, people are
At 18 years old, people are adults. If they are working hard, mature, responsible, and grateful for whatever help a parent gives, perhaps give them a few more years of help.
I do have a relative I recently talked to who is married and they have 4 kids together. He said its been a long hard road and they decided their kids need to be out at 18. 3 of the 4 are out on their own. The youngest is still in high school but they are sticking to the plan. People who want their kids to launch can definitely enforce it.
Not your's or DH's problem.
Not your's or DH's problem. Tell her to call the State and initiate welfare benefits until she recovers. At some point parents/SParents need to cut their losses on their failed adult spawn and protect their retirement resources regardless of how the failed adult spawn suffers.
IMHO of course.
This might be one of the most ridiculous posts I've ever read on
here.
Almost 50 YEARS OLD??? My goodness. This is absolutely insane.
Does your DH oblige her when she calls? Does he pick up her calls all the time? Meet her demands/requests? If he decides to let her know he's not going to do that anymore, and he informs her she will need to go through the bank to finance her future loans, what might happen?
I feel like your DH must keep pandering to her "needs" because she is still doing it. He is more at fault than she is for his failure as a parent. Coddling and being the "rescue ranger" never helped ONE SOUL become responsible.
This is just absolutely crazy.
Sorry this is your reality. If your DH will not create boundaries with her, then I guess he gets what he deserves, but you can opt out. No questions or conversations about his almost 50 year old "baby" he sired. Let them have their pathetic mess or a "relationship."