I'm really proud of myself
Yesterday was gskids birthday. Last year, DH was not allowed to see his gkid because it was about a week after SD's 3 hour berating session to us. As some of you may recall DH has spent the year getting back in SD's good books.
For the past year and at these sort of occassions I have felt left out, upset, almost betrayed that there was a party that DH went to without me. This was the first birthday since I chose disengagement (as opposed to the earlier forced disengagement by the Holy Original Family).
I think because things have been less acrimonious between DH and I as far as the skids are concerned, he might have presumed I wanted to be involved. He asked me to remind him to organise a time to visit gskid, I advised him that this is his family and he needs to take care of it himself. When he asked if he should write the birthday card from both of us, I just told him that I didn't mind, it was his choice and he could do whatever he wanted to do. He asked me whether last years gift would be ok for this year - and I had to truthfully tell him that I bought and wrapped that gift over 12 months ago and couldn't even remember what it was. (It's been sitting wrapped in the back of his closet LOL). I did send a text to SD wishing sgkid a happy birthday, but that was because that's what I wanted to do. I wasn't expecting or needing a response.
I had a lovely night at home just pottering around and watching a bit of TV. I truly felt relieved I didn't have to be involved in their toxic whatever it is. It felt GOOD!! Just wanted to thank you all for helping me as I move through this journey. It's not easy, but it's really rewarding!
Many different flavores
Disengagment sometimes has a sourness to it - and then the sweet. Many different flavors to savor.
Good for - for not backing down when you got distanced by DH, and for also, not getting emotional this time. Each time will get that much more easy for you. It takes some practice to cut off those emotions.
I did this with elder SD20, and I pour my emotions into SD13 - she appreciates everything. SD20 - shes simply someone my DH is related to.
Yesterday, when DH was doing drop off, he got a hug and hello from SD20. She needs a new place to live and was obviously buttering him up (youve seen my posts). So - I agree - your DH needs his relationship with kiddos - just keep them all separate.
Our partners and us - we all pretty much start out thinking we can all be one big happy famly. But, as Ive mentioned to Munchkin - the dysfunction that tore the family apart doesnt just go away. It stays and festers inside the children. Luckily SD13 was young enough for her and I to bond. Plus we are very similar. It also helps that she is sweet and respectful and kind.
You are very lucky to have SD13
Tomorrow I am actually going to visit one of my xSD's and meet her 2 babies! I'm using it as a bit of a reminder that skids aren't all bad. My two SD's from my previous marriage were nice girls and we got along well
That is so great. I'm so happy for you. Letting go of all the
anxiety, stress and fakeness of it all is so worth it, isn't it?
Good for you in telling him it's his responsibility to remember "his" family's events and dates. I did that too, and he has forgotten all of the birthdays since I bowed out. Not my problem. He got on the shit list all by himself.. : ) I do not have to care. "Not my circus, not my monkeys" I have a tshirt with that one it and love it. I may need one in every color!
It's very liberating, isn't it?
You go piegirl!
Thanks Texas, it's so good!!
It's liberating and I'm happy!!! I know DH still wants one big happy family, but unfortunately that's not how it's going to be. He was a little quiet when he came home, not sure if they had an argument or if he was bracing for the argument that has normally ensued after he gets home from one of these events (yep previously caused by me but in my defence because I was feeling so hurt).
Praying for no regression on my part (can't see me regressing but never hurts to pray), and I'll keep repeating your mantra and might even get a tshirt of my own!!
YVW! That is excellent news. Once you make up your mind you do
not have to care, it gets better. I know my favorite aunt always said, "Once you get to "f it" it's all good, but getting there is a sob." So very true.
Oh no, you cannot backslide now. They know you're serious and you know it too.
I am not one to go to movies ever. The entire scene, screaming kids, people on their phones, popcorn and a drink costing what a meal would at a decent restaurant...then whole ball of wax makes me not want to go. This last week I decided I wanted to see "Harriet" (Harriet Tubman) and it wasn't showing locally, so I had to drive almost an hour to see it, alone. I was so glad to leave this place, and as I drove I turned on some great music, sang along with Prince, The Bee Gees, The Rolling Stones and George Strait. I took my mind to a happy place and my heart followed. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie as it only had about 20 people in the entire theater, and it was really good. No nudity, the actors and actresses did an amazing job, and the costuming was great, as was the story line. Now I'm already looking forward to seeing several that are upcoming for the holiday season. I may have to fit a pedicure in before or after one. I didn't even tell DH where I was going, I just made a silent exit and turned my phone off the entire time. That alone was a welcome releif. I don't think many realize the stress of someone ALWAYS being able to get in touch with us really is.
Hooray for you! That is excellent news and progress on your behalf.