How do you handle when DH adult children are perfect in his eyes through his rose colored glasses God forbid I say anything negative about them but he belittles my adult children and has said things right to them.
I don't have any advice for you because I'm in same boat. My SO comes down hard on my adult daughter, and his can do no wrong. It is getting better because when he vents about his kids, I no longer comment, or if I do, very little, just maybe to agree with him. Because I have learned to keep my mouth shut. My motto is there is 2 kinds of business, my business and NONE of my business. And his kids are none of my business. So now I just let him vent on and I've noticed that when I don't comment then he can't come back with things about my daughter. My SO, however, has never said anything directly to my DD and he better never. I don't say anything to his either. I think the very worse thing I ever said was..when we were having a heated discussion about the kids (his and mine) he said something like well there is a lot of difference between a 33 (my daughter) and a 24 (his daughter) year old. I said yes there is, a felony DUI, and an abortion. (his darling daughter). That did shut him up for a while.
My DH never says anything about his kids.In his eyes they shit rainbows. The discussion is generated generally if one of them calls or texts. I inquire about the conversation and he just gets an attitude and says I treat him like a 12 year old.He feels that what he talks about with his kids is none of my business. But when my daughter calls or texts he immediately inquires about the topic of our conversation. His kids as a rule of thumb only call him when they want or need something. My kids call me just to talk or see how I am doing. There is so much resentment on my part when I tried so hard to include them in my life and they just blew me off. I tried treating them like my own but it didnt work. I have invited them over for dinner and other things but just get one word responses. I guess I just got to bite my tongue and let it go but it is hard with built up resentment. I know my kids are not perfect and I am the first to admit it but if I say anything about his kids bam my kids are the spawn of evil.
I can't help you with the part about how he speaks to your kids, I have none, but I have learned to not say anything negative about my SD to my DH. DH can say it all day & night if he wants to, but I will not bash her, cause that makes him go into defense mode and feel like he has to protect poor little old SD from me.
Now for as far as your adult children, I too am a SD, and if my SM decided she was gonna ream me about something, she better be ready cause I'm gonna come right back at her. I don't take her abuse anymore and she knows it. If my Father doesn't care for the way I treat his wife when she belittles me, then he needs to put a stop to that, because I will. I will never take her abuse again, not for one minute.
But the tiniest bit of improvement and DH is ready for him to get a ribbon or medal.
A year ago SS was living on the streets - homeless, jobless and drunk/high 24/7. He is now living with a girlfriend, has a job but still is an alcoholic who smokes a lot of weed. The ex girlfriend from last year was skank of the century.
I'm happy that SS is cleaning up his act somewhat. But he's still a substance abuser. This woman will dump him and he will spiral down again.
DH doesn't really approve of her because she's about 15 years older. She's the best thing that ever happened to him.
If my DH ever did that to my children who were responsible and considerate adults while his were mooching and POSs, then I would just leave. He's jealous and wants to belittle your life so that he can look better....
I had this happen to me and my brother. I was married and had a great job, my brother was a MP in the USMC fighting in Desert Storm. My step sister was pregnant at 17 by a 35 year old pedophile who ended up hitting her constantly and my step brother was nothing more than a loser drunk that hated people telling him what to do. He still has mouthy issues and both of them think that my brother and I are crap.
Neither one of them is worth my time to think about, you know? I have dumped my whole biological family because they were just dysfunctional human idiots and I feel so much better for it.
My daughter just sat there and took it.She didn't disrespect him or come back at him. All because she doesn't have her drivers license he felt the need to go off on her. She pays her way when she gets rides to work she pays gas money. She has had no desire to get her license and after her boyfriend was killed in a head on car crash. She is even more adamant about not wanting a license. He told her she is not responsible by not getting it and that all his kids had theirs as soon as they were old enough. Then he proceeds to tell me that I didn't raise her to be independent by not forcing her to get her license. He did go after my son one time and he didn't take it and yelled back at him. Next thing I knew he was in my sons face and was going to hit him. Had I not intervened. When him and I were fighting last night I threw up that I have never disrespected his children or said anything to them like he did mine. He couldn't even acknowledge what he did.. Then he got even more mad and told me to drop it or he was leaving. My problem is I hate having all these unresolved arguments where if I dont say or act the way he wants he gets mad and I have to drop it or he gets really mad.
Well none of his adult kids live here. Thank God. Now this is how it is here. If one of his 3 kids call he wants to no what they said, as soon as I tell him he gets all pi$$ed. He wants to know, I don't want to be the middle man. Now he says if I know something I have to tell him because after all he is my husband. He always seems to have a way of finding out. But the anger is on me not where it belongs. I want to say but don't... Look you raised them to be what they are.. Not me. The adult step daughter is the mini wife can do no wrong and she knows everything, according to my husband. He wants to no something like if the food he is getting ready to eat is still good he has to call her. Second daughter drugs and drugs, steals, lies. Drama Queen. Son had drugs , drugs ,steals, lies Drama. felonies and DUIs .fraud. don't work.
When his daughter started doing drugs again I found out. I didn't tell him . Why I didn't feel like it not my problem I tried and tried to be just friends not happening. To be honest I have been dealing with this for 5 years, they said they have been doing drugs since they were 13 yeah ok , so let them all deal with it im tired of it all. So he tells me why didn't you tell me I didn't say a word why you ask cause I don't care there life there adults. He told me if that happens again will we get a divorce. In my mind im thinking buddy there isn't a woman on this earth that would put up with all this BS go for it. I understand when you get married you also marry the kids well hello I didn't ask for all the flippin DRAMA.
His oldest daughter has two children. Dad is stay at home even though both kids are in school. They use to call to "borrow" money all the time. I was like dad needs to get his ass out and find a JOB and DH agrees but would still lend them money. Once I found out they smoke pot and dad drinks. I put my foot down and said if they "need help buying milk laundry soap or gas money" we will purchase that for them and take it to them. Unless they need gas then they could meet us at the gas station. Once the hand out of cash stopped coming they quit asking to borrow money. But that does not stop the frequent late night calls by her boyfriend when they are fighting. Just this am they had gotten into a fight he called at 3:00 this morning stating that him and her were fighting that she was at his cousins house doing coke and had the grand-kids there and he left cause they were fighting and had been drinking and hit a tree with the car and left the scene and went home. He wanted DH to call the cops on SD to report her having the kids there. SMH 2 hours later he calls back and DH just says blah blah blah and get some rest and think about it tomorrow. Wouldn't you know it SD texted me today asking if she could borrow money for her car insurance. REALLY get your priorities straight and stop partying and then you might be able to pay your bills. I told DH he should have a talk with his daughter. He said she knows what she did was wrong.. Really?? But if one of my kids does something I am expected to immediately tell them.. This is not the first time where I felt like I have had to cover for an illegal activity by one of his kids. His one son called him up he had been drinking and driving and went off the road and ended up on a snow bank in the guys front yard. Thank God he didnt get hurt. My husband happened to know the guys whose house it was. He called his other friend and had him get his vehicle out while his other son waited while we ran the one home. Just in case the cops or homeowner woke up. The next day my husband called the guy and told him about his mailbox. Guy was thank ful son didnt get hurt and DH said his son would help him fix the mailbox come spring. Well he never did.. These are the things i get so frustrated about. Cause they affect me.
I don't have any advice for
I don't have any advice for you because I'm in same boat. My SO comes down hard on my adult daughter, and his can do no wrong. It is getting better because when he vents about his kids, I no longer comment, or if I do, very little, just maybe to agree with him. Because I have learned to keep my mouth shut. My motto is there is 2 kinds of business, my business and NONE of my business. And his kids are none of my business. So now I just let him vent on and I've noticed that when I don't comment then he can't come back with things about my daughter. My SO, however, has never said anything directly to my DD and he better never. I don't say anything to his either. I think the very worse thing I ever said was..when we were having a heated discussion about the kids (his and mine) he said something like well there is a lot of difference between a 33 (my daughter) and a 24 (his daughter) year old. I said yes there is, a felony DUI, and an abortion. (his darling daughter). That did shut him up for a while.
My DH never says anything
My DH never says anything about his kids.In his eyes they shit rainbows. The discussion is generated generally if one of them calls or texts. I inquire about the conversation and he just gets an attitude and says I treat him like a 12 year old.He feels that what he talks about with his kids is none of my business. But when my daughter calls or texts he immediately inquires about the topic of our conversation. His kids as a rule of thumb only call him when they want or need something. My kids call me just to talk or see how I am doing. There is so much resentment on my part when I tried so hard to include them in my life and they just blew me off. I tried treating them like my own but it didnt work. I have invited them over for dinner and other things but just get one word responses. I guess I just got to bite my tongue and let it go but it is hard with built up resentment. I know my kids are not perfect and I am the first to admit it but if I say anything about his kids bam my kids are the spawn of evil.
I can't help you with the
I can't help you with the part about how he speaks to your kids, I have none, but I have learned to not say anything negative about my SD to my DH. DH can say it all day & night if he wants to, but I will not bash her, cause that makes him go into defense mode and feel like he has to protect poor little old SD from me.
Now for as far as your adult children, I too am a SD, and if my SM decided she was gonna ream me about something, she better be ready cause I'm gonna come right back at her. I don't take her abuse anymore and she knows it. If my Father doesn't care for the way I treat his wife when she belittles me, then he needs to put a stop to that, because I will. I will never take her abuse again, not for one minute.
DH knows SS28's mistakes and
DH knows SS28's mistakes and weaknesses.
But the tiniest bit of improvement and DH is ready for him to get a ribbon or medal.
A year ago SS was living on the streets - homeless, jobless and drunk/high 24/7. He is now living with a girlfriend, has a job but still is an alcoholic who smokes a lot of weed. The ex girlfriend from last year was skank of the century.
I'm happy that SS is cleaning up his act somewhat. But he's still a substance abuser. This woman will dump him and he will spiral down again.
DH doesn't really approve of her because she's about 15 years older. She's the best thing that ever happened to him.
If my DH ever did that to my
If my DH ever did that to my children who were responsible and considerate adults while his were mooching and POSs, then I would just leave. He's jealous and wants to belittle your life so that he can look better....
I had this happen to me and my brother. I was married and had a great job, my brother was a MP in the USMC fighting in Desert Storm. My step sister was pregnant at 17 by a 35 year old pedophile who ended up hitting her constantly and my step brother was nothing more than a loser drunk that hated people telling him what to do. He still has mouthy issues and both of them think that my brother and I are crap.
Neither one of them is worth my time to think about, you know? I have dumped my whole biological family because they were just dysfunctional human idiots and I feel so much better for it.
My daughter just sat there
My daughter just sat there and took it.She didn't disrespect him or come back at him. All because she doesn't have her drivers license he felt the need to go off on her. She pays her way when she gets rides to work she pays gas money. She has had no desire to get her license and after her boyfriend was killed in a head on car crash. She is even more adamant about not wanting a license. He told her she is not responsible by not getting it and that all his kids had theirs as soon as they were old enough. Then he proceeds to tell me that I didn't raise her to be independent by not forcing her to get her license. He did go after my son one time and he didn't take it and yelled back at him. Next thing I knew he was in my sons face and was going to hit him. Had I not intervened. When him and I were fighting last night I threw up that I have never disrespected his children or said anything to them like he did mine. He couldn't even acknowledge what he did.. Then he got even more mad and told me to drop it or he was leaving. My problem is I hate having all these unresolved arguments where if I dont say or act the way he wants he gets mad and I have to drop it or he gets really mad.
Well none of his adult kids
Well none of his adult kids live here. Thank God. Now this is how it is here. If one of his 3 kids call he wants to no what they said, as soon as I tell him he gets all pi$$ed. He wants to know, I don't want to be the middle man. Now he says if I know something I have to tell him because after all he is my husband. He always seems to have a way of finding out. But the anger is on me not where it belongs. I want to say but don't... Look you raised them to be what they are.. Not me. The adult step daughter is the mini wife can do no wrong and she knows everything, according to my husband. He wants to no something like if the food he is getting ready to eat is still good he has to call her. Second daughter drugs and drugs, steals, lies. Drama Queen. Son had drugs , drugs ,steals, lies Drama. felonies and DUIs .fraud. don't work.
When his daughter started doing drugs again I found out. I didn't tell him . Why I didn't feel like it not my problem I tried and tried to be just friends not happening. To be honest I have been dealing with this for 5 years, they said they have been doing drugs since they were 13 yeah ok , so let them all deal with it im tired of it all. So he tells me why didn't you tell me I didn't say a word why you ask cause I don't care there life there adults. He told me if that happens again will we get a divorce. In my mind im thinking buddy there isn't a woman on this earth that would put up with all this BS go for it. I understand when you get married you also marry the kids well hello I didn't ask for all the flippin DRAMA.
His oldest daughter has two
His oldest daughter has two children. Dad is stay at home even though both kids are in school. They use to call to "borrow" money all the time. I was like dad needs to get his ass out and find a JOB and DH agrees but would still lend them money. Once I found out they smoke pot and dad drinks. I put my foot down and said if they "need help buying milk laundry soap or gas money" we will purchase that for them and take it to them. Unless they need gas then they could meet us at the gas station. Once the hand out of cash stopped coming they quit asking to borrow money. But that does not stop the frequent late night calls by her boyfriend when they are fighting. Just this am they had gotten into a fight he called at 3:00 this morning stating that him and her were fighting that she was at his cousins house doing coke and had the grand-kids there and he left cause they were fighting and had been drinking and hit a tree with the car and left the scene and went home. He wanted DH to call the cops on SD to report her having the kids there. SMH 2 hours later he calls back and DH just says blah blah blah and get some rest and think about it tomorrow. Wouldn't you know it SD texted me today asking if she could borrow money for her car insurance. REALLY get your priorities straight and stop partying and then you might be able to pay your bills. I told DH he should have a talk with his daughter. He said she knows what she did was wrong.. Really?? But if one of my kids does something I am expected to immediately tell them.. This is not the first time where I felt like I have had to cover for an illegal activity by one of his kids. His one son called him up he had been drinking and driving and went off the road and ended up on a snow bank in the guys front yard. Thank God he didnt get hurt. My husband happened to know the guys whose house it was. He called his other friend and had him get his vehicle out while his other son waited while we ran the one home. Just in case the cops or homeowner woke up. The next day my husband called the guy and told him about his mailbox. Guy was thank ful son didnt get hurt and DH said his son would help him fix the mailbox come spring. Well he never did.. These are the things i get so frustrated about. Cause they affect me.