Hi Shoofly and welcome. You will find a lot of intelligent, experienced, well informed and caring people here. I hope you can feel free to vent here anytime. You will get lots of good advice here too. I went to years of therapy to learn how to deal with a spoiled, entitled brat of a SD and it did help but I must say, the support and advice that I have received here on this forum has helped me immensely. Some of us post more often than others and you will get to know some of us if you hang out here. Don't be afraid to post or comment. I hope you will find Steptalk as therapeutic and as helpful as I have. Take care.
Amber

Hello and welcome. I hope you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and pick up some useful perspective from others who are living the blended family dream.

Good call on banishing the toxic Sspawn and grandSspawn from your home.

Hang in there.

Take care of yourself.

Exactly. I used to have such higher expectations of myself but ever since I became a step, all I hope to to protect my sanity. It's sad. I feel sad every single day.

I love this site.

Welcome Shoofly!

Shoofly your tale is almost identical to mine. My SD recently graced us with a child and like you I too can't be bothered with the sequel, I thought as she was older had husband, house etc that was it but then the SGK comes into the equation and now I just feel tired and don't want to be part of it anymore. I have beat myself up for not being able to love or have feelings for the kid but the mother is now behaving as she does and it does make me feel better about my lack of emotion towards them.
Likewise had I known about the whole SD/SGK 25 years ago I don't think I would ever of got involved as much as I love my DH I hate his lack of b*lls when it comes to her!
There is some really great advice on here and just being part of a community of similar minded people is great.
Good luck

Submitted by peacemaker on Sun, 07/20/2014 - 11:21am.

After living in the never ending abyss of attention deficits, needless drama, false accusations, unjustified entitlement issues, love bankrupted, "merry -go round- to- nowhere" filled with unresolved issues due a plethora of personality disorders busy at work wreaking havoc on my family for 26 year of my life I have learned...the broken first marriage, and all the delusions that were created from that experience have been established in the minds of their family ...which mutate into life patterns that whether healthy or not...have been accepted by them as their " normal" ...and many of these life patterns are anything but normal....

Broken dreams, broken lives, broken vows made to each other...broken people...a culture of brokeness that only God himself has the capability of healing all the damage that not only has been done by the time we arrive...but continues on a repetitive course until someone steps in and says enough is enough...

Even with that, only the willing players will step up tp the challenge to escape the lies and delusions they have been brainwashed to believe as their truth...Core beliefs and your identity are the 2 main things that you base almost every decision you make in life on...

If these relationships could be compared to a movie...It is like we showed up in the final scene of the "Titanic" with a bucket to try and save the already sinking ship from its destiny...not realizing the ship was sure to sink and all its occupants are scrambling to lay hold of the lifeboats (which represents their own personal resources) that, but the way, are in short supply...

and we stand there with our bucket never knowing what we were up against to begin with...

When we finally realize what is going on...we find ourselves scrambling for our own lifeboat...called disengagement...because at this point...other than a miraculous intervention occurring...we come to understand the only one we are capable of saving, at this point... is ourselves..

A few brave souls will survive...many will be scarred from all the trauma incurred throughout the experience...and for some of us...the fortunate few...we will not only survive...but, we will take what we can from our experience and thrive as we part the wreckage realizing what tragedy we have diverted...

Although I have remain married to my DH...I have learned...

to live life with a new passion...appreciating the gift that it is...making the most of every day to celebrate not only our survival, but the new opportunities to become everything we we're created to be while we are still here...You have to protect you individual personhood...Otherwise they will consume every part of you until you no longer exist....Life is a gift...and mine is not theirs to waste on their stupidity.

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