Excellent drunken conversation with SO!
Soooo I had a bunch to drink last night and was feeling rather bold so I decided it would be a good time to confront my SO about issues with adult SD's. I blogged yesterday that there had been some progress but this conversation is the best one I have had with him with regard to them. I explained before that SD20 has been flying all over the globe and then returns with crazy plans and ideas of what she thinks she's going to do. Well my SO put his foot down with her yesterday after a conversation he had with me about how she's not accepting responsibility. He told her she needs to either get a part time job and go to back to college or she needs to get a full time job and be a productive adult and that he cannot support her and treat her to vacations constantly. I guess she was really receptive and is making plans! :jawdrop: I can't tell you how shocking this is. My SO has never liked when I give my opinion, he gets so defensive like I think he's not a good father (I do not think that at all!) so for months we did not discuss adult SD's for fear that I was overstepping my boundaries and not allowing him to parent the way he wanted/needed too. However, my concerns were that he was being a guilty daddy and it was enabling their childish behavior. Since I am a part of his life now, I didn't want how I felt to have a negative impact on our relationship and interaction together so I tried to help. Now he's so receptive and open to my opinions! He acutally asked for my advice! I see him sloooowly letting go. He told me last night that I am #1 in his life, not #2 and not anything else behind anyone in his life. I really needed to hear that! Yaaaaay for progress!
Thank you to all who have encouraged me to stand up for myself and voice my feelings to my bf, I feel like my opinon really matters and before I came here for support I felt like his kids were none of my business. I have learned now that if we are to have a life together, we will need to agree on things that also concern the SD's and I think my SO is finally starting to get that too.
Good for you!! It's sometimes
Good for you!! It's sometimes hard to take baby steps, isn't it?
Stepgin I almost felt foolish
Stepgin I almost felt foolish for being so excited about this little thing! Before, I felt as if nothing I said mattered or that he was even listening and I wanted so much to actually feel like this is a partnership and I get to have a say in our life together. Now I feel respected even more by him and it's awesome!
I'm really happy for you!
I'm really happy for you! Your relationship sounds similar to mine. I finally concluded that women just think and worry about all of lifes little problems (and big problems) than men do!
I had a little wine induced conversations with my DH too and it went well. SD32 called his phone a few nights ago and I picked it up because no name popped up. Whoever it was hung up on me. She called back a few minutes later and he answered so she told him she wanted to let him know she got a new number (again!) I was immediately pissed off for her hanging up on me!!
When he got off the phone, I told him how immature she was and I didn't appreciate it. He said his phone "drops" calls all the time and I was being "overly sensitive." That really did it.
So last night I told him nicely that while I realize she and I will probably never have a good relationship, I do expect a certain amount of respect as his wife. And that I know the difference between a dropped call and a hangup. That while he may not agree with me, I really did expect his support. He said he agreed with me and had been thinking about it and wanted me to know that our marriage did come first with him. Yeah!!! Who knew??
Yaaaaaaaaaay! That is also
Yaaaaaaaaaay! That is also excellent progress good for you! I cannot believe someone in their 30's would act that way! I just turned 30 and I cannot imagine being so rude to ANYONE regardless of how annoyed I am with them. She needs to grow up and I'm glad your husband acknowledges that too.
I was so afraid to speak up before but I finally decided that if I appeared as a doormat to either of the SD's they would never respect me and that will just give me more ammunition to hate them for life. I guess I just thought...I have nothing to lose by telling him how I feel in an honest and gentle way. If he was pissed or resentful because I'm honest how can that be my fault? I also told him that at first I used to be really sad thinking I couldn't have a reltionship with his daughters but after all of the things that have happened and what they have said about me behind my back...I just decided I didn't need people like that in my life. I should only be kind to people who respect me and are nice to me and then I thought...why do I want a relationship with them in the first place? Is it because I genuinely want to get to know them and think we could be friends or is it because they are my SO's kids? I think it's the second one. If I met them somewhere outside of this situation and they were not his children would I want to be their friend? The answer is probably not. We're not compatible, I think they are spoiled and selfish and the friends I choose are strong, independent, warm people and these young "women" do not fit that description so I don't feel the need to even bother with them. My SO hates this and wishes he could change it...I can tell it hurts him but my response is that I love him and if they were open to meeting me and being nice and respectful I might be too but a relationship...I have plenty of people who love me and I also have him so they're not keeping ME awake at night with their hatrid towards me. Why should I care? I mean they are the ones missing out right?!!
Hahaha, generally I am not an
Hahaha, generally I am not an advocate for drunken hear to hearts snickers but somehow I thought I was numb enough so that if it was a bad conversation I wouldn't feel much at the time! However...I was pleasantly surprised
I am leaving PLENTY of space for more frustration about the SD's though...they'll do something stupid again before you know it and he'll be bailing their asses out once again! I could count on that...you know, just given their track record with f'ing up.