Entitled Adult Stepchildren
I have been married to a wonderful man for 2 years tho we have been together for 18 years. I have 2 adult children & so does he. My children have a pretty good relationship with my husband. My SD tolerates me but my SS considers me non-existant. He & I are complete opposites. He is very self centered, hates anything to do with religion (thinks it is evil), hates my entire family,considers us annoying as none of us has anything in common with him. I have always included him in every single family get togethers. He never had any interest in me since we initially met - tho he was a teenager I didn't expect he would want to hang out with us to much anyway. I always accepted the way he was & that was that. I never critized his behavior or looks. When my mother died both steps didn't really care - never any type of sympathy.Over the years they never asked how my mom was especially the last 2 years of her life when they knew I basically spent every single day by her bedside. When she died my only brother & I decided the wake would be private only the immediate family would attend & whoever else could come to the Mass if so desired. The Steps were furious they weren't allowed to the wake. They didn't even know my mom's name let alone care that she died. SS has no respect for the elderly as it is. They came to the church for 10 minutes as they were so mad they stormed out of the church. I stood my ground ever since. Husband tried numerous times to explain but they just wouldn't listen. Needless to say they didn't speak for a year. I have to be honest when I say it was a peaceful year tho I did feel bad for my husband not talking to his kids at all. Then we decided we would finally get married. I told my husband the right thing to do would be to tell his kids so they didn't hear it from anyone else. When he told them we were getting married all hell broke loose. Steps couldn't have been more furious. It was so bad we had to keep the whereabouts of our marriage a secret. Even my motherinlaw recommended same. Once again we had another peaceful months without any conflict till SD called about her pregnancy. I have to say since her becoming a mom her attitude has changed dramatically. Husband has met with his son on occasion. My venting today is that now my husband wants to give both his kids $20,000 so they can have a nice downpayment on houses. I am fit to be tied. It's like I just got kicked in the gut. I am 50 years old & if I knew 20 years ago life with this man was going to be like this I would have backed out. But I had high hopes and have never asked for much. I am very independent with a decent paying job where I can support myself. But I do love my husband.
All kids have gone to
All kids have gone to college. Retirement for us both taken care of. DH's kids don't even need the 20k as they each make triple what we make in a year. My gut feeling says DH is trying to buy their love. For as long as I have known them they have rarely given even a card for b'day, etc. DH showes them with gifts for all occassions. Good questions about 20k for my kids as neither are ready to buy right now as they are just getting settled in their professions.
I totally agree and we have
I totally agree and we have kept finances separate as we were both burned in previous marriages. Separate or not these two human beings don't deserve a dime. They would take the money & run and still not acknowledge birthdays, holidays or anything that doesn't directly have to do with them.
That generation and the ones
That generation and the ones behind it are being taught that old people are parasites on our taxpaying citizens and they should just die. In fact in Japan the head of the budget office for the federal government literally said it. Here in the US its just whispered and insinuated. For now - wait for "Obamacare" to really run up in 2014 and beyond.
So when some old lady dies its nothing to be noted. When a individuals mother dies however its a different story. Stalin is quoted as saying (more or less) that when a million die its a statistic but when one dies its a tragedy.
Right and then the younger
Right and then the younger generation complains constantly about the social security deductions from their paychecks. They don't realize SS was meant for the elderly who have put into it their whole lives working. It's not an entitlement fund. It's a disgrace how the elderly are being treated by younger generation (not trying to slam all) but how said is it when grandma & granpa are put into a nursing home then forgotten about. Stepkids always know how to pick up the phone & call when they want or need something for themselves. Show up for gifts then don't see again till the next gift giving event. I say spend it all and not leave anything for anyone. Then I can hear them crying now.......
If he is taking the money out
If he is taking the money out of his own account and with his own money (since you keep separate finances) there really isn't much you can say. While you may not like it, nor feel the skids need or deserve it, it's up to him to spend.
Well there is alot I can say
Well there is alot I can say as before we moved in together he came up with the idea that neither of us would ever buy large ticket items without the others agreement. This of course is not a large ticket item but I sure as heck would get a lot grief if I withdrew that amount of money.