Do your Skids PAS your SGkids against you

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H`s eldest is PASing SGS against me as much as she can

For example, she will get SGS super excited about seeing H when H and I are visiting. Talk endlessly prior to the visit about how GRANPA IS VISITING!! Are you going to show GRANDPA your new toy Ask GRANDPA to play in your toy room with you. Give GRANPA a hug when he arrives etc... etc...

Nothing wrong with that. I`ve overheard H`s eldest talking about how she always does this when YSD is coming home (once or twice a year) will show SGS pictures of her and do the same thing AUNTIE is visiting, give Auntie a big hug, show Auntie your toys, ask Auntie to babysit you and so on

H`s eldest does this also with H`s sister and FIL. All good, however, you know she NEVER does the old GRANDMA DISILLUSIONED is coming, hug Grandma Disillusioned, etc... etc... NO WAY

She will however distract SGS whenever he does try to talk to me. If he sits in a chair beside me she will find an ``appropriate`` reason he should sit somewhere else. If SGS asks for H, H`s eldest will make a big fuss about SGS asking for H. If SGS asks for me she will tell him to hush or change the subject Evil

She is working hard to further rub in my face that she does NOT consider me family by bringing SGS to treat me the same way. It is uncomfortable as the child grows closer to H and H`s family but is distant to me - ALL H`s eldest`s daughters doing

Have any of you experienced this

Uh...YEAH Disillusioned -

Uh...YEAH Disillusioned - get used to it, embrace it, it won't change, be the far distant aunt or the friendly-neighbor-at-halloween type (the kind that gives the BIG candy bar and goes back inside). Do you have kids? Wait for the real thing.

I'm nothing, nada, not a thing.
It's "grandpa" this, "grandpa" that, say hi to grandpa, tell Grandpa you love him, grandpa gets a happy birthday card, etc. SD tries to make it like I'm not there. I play it up - oh look, grandpa can change your diaper, grandpa can wipe your hands and face, grandpa can get you something to eat, grandpa can take you outside in the muggy heat, grandpa can stay up late with you. (because I'm not grandma)

I don't exist and they live in the same house and i see stepgrandkid everyday. Changed tons of diapers, rocked this high strung baby to sleep, babysat tons (while it was only DH that was babysitting of course..) Sure I've clocked hours babysitting and hanging out with the kid, playing. I'll seek out activities that I can do with stepgrandkid and things like that until it becomes too political to be involved. If it gets nasty or awkward, then I won't be involved at all.

I ain't blood and that's f-i-n-e with me! If I'm not considered a grandparent of some sort then I won't be treating anyone like a grandkid. My husband has a granddaughter and I'm his wife who happens to be there too. I'm not getting sucked into this with any hopes of step-family blissfulness or best grandparent award, I'll do it for my DH but that's as far as I'll go.

It could be different, but it's not since SD hates me and refuses to speak to me, we're not in the same room together but maybe once a year, she WISHES I wasn't around but here I am, }:) whateva.

How in the world are you

:jawdrop: How in the world are you living in the same house with someone who treats you like that?? You need to write a book on disengagement because you are the queen!!

How do I do it? I took

How do I do it?

I took lessons from skid's exact behavior:
- walk on by looking ANYWHERE but at them, certainly not in the eye (and walk quickly and rudely)
- separate skid stuff (in kitchen and other places) from mine and my kids so it's not commingled
- don't do skid dishes (and I know which ones belong to skid) - I don't do any work for someone who refuses to acknowledge my existence even if it means crumbs and nasty stuff on the counter or mold in dishes, trash sitting there
- don't initiate any conversation with skid or even ask about skid
- think of myself only and my kids
- don't wanna know me? don't wanna know you
- one thing I won't do is flee from the room if skid comes in, I won't be leaving the small space I have left just cause stepkid walked in, but skid basically runs out when I come in

hang pictures of my dear girls, but none of skid (really, why would I hang a picture of someone that hates me?)
I do have a few pics up of other skid that is actually polite and nice to me!!! Would LOVE if this one lived with us *instead*, things would be a lot different.

OOOHHHH its not forever that's for sure, but I get good lovin from my DH even though I don't respect how he raised his kid, or how he's allowed this situation to continue AND flourish BUT I'm not letting that skid stomp on my happiness and try to break us up or poison me with their toxicity. DH is totally ok with letting her treat me that way, ok, well that's cool as long as he realizes the great divide. And it's there and will be there and it won't go away. And it won't be crossed.

Someone sent this to me: I just woke up one day and decided I didn't want to feel like that anymore, or ever again. So I changed.

I feel for you

I feel for you doingitforlove! Don`t think I could handle SGS in the same house as me, living with it, day in and day out that must really suck for you

My H`s daughter wants me to feel like an outsider and would like nothing more for H to scratch his head and wonder why his adorable little grandson doesn`t seem to care much for his step grandma

I know it`s because of what H`s daughter does, and yes I know it will get worse

Your advise is good....I will continue to treat SGS like the neighbors child. Smile and wave, nice and friendly but will not lift a finger to do anything that might help H`s daughter out, and sadly will avoid seeing SGS as much as I can. He`s a cute kid and it`s not his fault....maybe he`ll grow up one day and see through his mother (I did with my own mother and her step-mother - my step grandmother!)

Yes. Both SD pas against us.

Yes. Both SD pas against us. There were a few years SD30 rebelled against oldest sisters evil plot to destroy me and let the grandkids into my life. I even have a plaster of paris hand prints with "I love you" from the kids.
Then oldest SD33 got pissed off about something trivial and all of a sudden, both my DH and myself are the lowest scum of the earth. She banned those kids from seeing us for 3 3/4 years.
I have just recently been allowed to see them again. Oldest grandson ran into my arms and clung for dear life. Middle grandson looks at me very learily. My soon to be ex son in law says there was plenty of brainwashing going on over there. She would hold up a picture of me and tell him "this is the lady that made mommee cry!" Hell, SHE even told me she did this.
My counselor told me a few years ago that when those kids are 18 and remember all the good things you did together, they may just come seek us out. They may open their eyes and realize what mommeee dearest really is like.

What does PAS mean?

I think it's parental

I think it's parental alienation syndrome.

Thanks!

Not the skids so much but the

Not the skids so much but the SDIL and MIL did. The snubs and comments were rude and overt. Glad it's over

MY DH knows grand-skid would

MY DH knows grand-skid would benefit by having me in it's life.....other grandparent a drinker/drugger, other grandparent not physically active, both somewhat unstable financially and mentally and both unemployed.

Me: healthy, happy, (step-stuff set aside), in shape, have healthy, happy, athletic, smart girls and focus on my hobbies rather than planting myself on the coach watching movies all night, or drinking it up every night. Plus I have a good job that I love. And getting ready to take classes towards masters. Have taken a few EL-ed classes so I can help with intro to reading, writing, art.

They can hate me all they want, say negative things, try to make smart-ass comments or sarcastic things all they want. I'm moving forward, they can go sideways, backwards, just get out of my way.