Whoa. Control freak much?

What stops you from getting a job regardless of what DH wants? Your kids are old enough to be home alone for a few hours after school.

Since it's his money, you really don't have much say in what he gives his kids, but I would not live the way you are - with someone giving me an "allowance", and completely dependent on him for everything.  I don't think you should be "grateful" to be able to stay home and take care of "domestic duties", I think that's him gaslighting you.

You are being treated like a 1950s wife.

My concern would be what shape you would be in if something happened to him.  If you have no idea of the finances, I am assuming that you have no idea what his will says, who is the beneficiary of his retirement/investment assets (some must go to spouse unless a waiver is signed but others can be assigned to anyone), whether there is any life insurance, whether you would be able to keep the house, or even if all of this money he is splashing around is secure or precariously held together.  You would be shocked at how well some people live for a very long time by moving money around and taking loans and no one is the wiser until the tax man or grim reaper shows up.  Surprise - no money, honey!  

if I were you I would start doing some homework.  If he won't be honest, find out what you can on your own.  You said that you help in his business.  Start there.  You don't want to have a well-cared for couple of years only to end up broke and out on your a$$ because everything goes to the skids or because he is in debt up to his eyeballs.  You very well may need to have a job and your own money to protect yourself!

So get a job that means you can deal with your kids?   Stop complaining about how he spends his money.  

Her 3 kids live with them 70% of the time.  Is she getting child support?  She can bank that, or does he tell her to contribute it to the household.  

I think she should be able to get a job, but it sounds like she is getting a good deal.   And her post had a LOT of gripes about what he pays them. 

One of the most valuable life lessons I learned was in a women's studies class freshmen year of college: men are taught growing up to understand the connection between money and power, while women rarely are. That's why you see so few men willing to give up a career to raise kids even when the wife makes more money... They know that bringing money to the relationship gives them more of a say in how money gets spent and they don't want to relinquish that control. And who would blame them?

I'm not saying there are no exceptions, but generally speaking there is a price you pay when you let someone else support you financially. Given the age of your kids, child care costs wouldn't be an issue so I'm really happy that you'll be looking for a job after the holidays. I think it will be a great feeling for you and it will shift the dynamic with your husband, which it sounds like you want. Good luck!

I really feel like this is a control issue. Its not that he spends money on his kids or that he makes the money.  Its the fact that he is secretive about money. If he has nothing to hide then why not be open with your partner. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.  My DH and I have a more traditional marriage, but I actually manage our finances because I am better at it.  My DH and I discuss all decisions.  Plus, since I am responsible for our home, my DH realizes that I should make many of the decisions.  It sounds like OP's DH doesnt want her to have any say about anything.  That is not a partnership.

I would think he will need your signature on a tax return soon... do not sign anything you don't fully understand.   Make a copy and review with your accountant or attorney.   

he has a very senior position in his company and i moved overseas to marry him and live with him.

in our case hubby had started building our current home but had stopped midway then after meeting me and seeing a future continued with building it. He moved in partly 2 weeks before we got married (our home is out of the city) where he had an apartment closer to work so we would come to our home on weekends and school holidays etc. Ss followed moving here 1 month before our daughter was born (a year after we married), apartment got rented out last year 

in my case its very difficult for foreigners to own property and bank accounts, just having a visa isn’t good enough as the banks have their own rules so we only got to opening my bank account early this year (just over 3 years after marrying), but before then and now, any airline tickets to fly overseas  to visit my home every year or fly my dad over to us i have access to hubbys credit cards. 

I know how much he earns per paycheck and whats in savings approximately, his life insurance policy and wills he’s put in place (his 3 kids with ex are aged 22, 20 and 13) and our 2 kids are (almost 3 and 1.5 yrs old), hubby had made me executor of his life insurance policy and pension money because he feels currently his kids with ex have benefited more financially compared to ours who are yet to school, then we have the narcissistic highly unstable ex wife constantly scheming things, hubbys kids with ex expecting handouts and guilting hubby that hubby has had to make pre-emptive moves to ensure me and our 2 little kids aren’t thrown out on the street should something happen to him since his kids with ex aren’t on a united/integrated family type relationship, they’re out to protect their financial future at getting handouts from hubby which he has seen they’ve abused and he’s starting to put stops to it especially for the elder kids who are adults

i have every month gotten personal savings money to transfer every month back to my home country as our 2 kids will go to school there and i do grocery shopping with it too. 

Any grocery shopping on weekends etc hubby always pays but i do alot of online ordering. This is what works for us currently as hubby is always too busy at work and travelling interstate or overseas etc so i always have access to money incase of emergencies.

i do not personally care for 20 yr old ss when he is back home from university. I go about my day as usual with our 2 kids and we plan our own holidays. But when i feel or see money is excessively spent on adult stepkids or kids with exwife that nothing is going to our 2 kids, i bring that up with hubby that it needs to be as fair as possible and he can’t use the excuse our kids are not in school yet. 

The secret ski holiday, are you and your 3 bios invited or is this just him and his kids wih ex??

So are you going to continue to allow this man to control your life? Get a job, one with benefits, and get the heck out of that toxic marriage that you're in. You have children that see this. Do you want them to think that this is ok? This man controls every single part of your life. Does he also tell you what to wear, how to wear it, what to eat,? Does he designate certain nights to be intimate and what to cook for dinner?

Darling, its never ok to allow someone this much power and control over you......ever!

Ok , I'm weighing in after reading this numerous times and the also numerous responses.  True we haven't heard his side, but we take alot of stories on here from just one side. True, she agreed to the arrangement, however it sounds like the "arrangement" is not what was expected. True he is exerting and controling all the power, and that is where all the self empowerment talk could be dangerous, if he is like this when she is compliant to his whim what will he be like when she goes against what he wants.  Op may want to seek out help before making any moves that could upset the applecart, she hasn't mentioned physical abuse but I could see a man like this move in that direction easily, she needs to find a support system before making any actual changes, as a man this guy is setting off my a$$hole radar bigtime !

It sounds like her DH is very controlling.  While he is apparently supporting everyone.. even her kids, it seems like she should not be treated in such a childlike fashion when it comes to the household finances.  I'm not saying that she is necessarily entitled to more...

Now, she does have 3 children.. is their father not supporting or providingsupport for these kids that live with her way more than 50% of the time?

the kids are also all old enough to be more self sufficient.. isn't there a way she could at least work a part time job.. even maybe a temp job during the school year.  I kind of get that her DH doesn't want to be saddled with driving her kids around etc.. but it seems like she could be in the workforce... if only on a limited basis.

And... while it's nice that her DH is able and willing to financially support the whole household.. OP should have an understanding about what the future might look like for her financially.  If her DH were to die.. where would she live? will she be provided for in any way.. maybe if not now.. how long before he would consider her "contribution" (keeping the house etc..) worthy of being more invested in any assets in the marital financial bucket?

At the very least... would he be willing to take a life ins policy out with her as the beneficiary... that would at least afford her a bit of a fresh start if something were to happen to him?

These seem reasonable requests.. it is worrisome that he is treating her like a child.. I'm wondering what the rest of their relationship is like.. before marrriage etc.

I’m worried about you in this situation.  This isn’t a marriage IMHO.  It has the flavor or hyper controlled indentured servitude.

Get that job and take equity status in your marriage rather than continuing to cede all of the control to your DH.

Please.

Take care of you.