Dealing with a stepfather
Sorry this is so long.
I really don;t know where to put this, and I thought that I could get good opinions from you guys. I am a 20yr old that is a full time student and lives at home. My mom was remarried 10 years ago and my stepfather and I have no relationship. He grew up in a house with boys and his parents a hoarders and separated everything with their names on it. He came and lived with us after living in a trailer on his parent's property (32 at the time). When he first moved in he brought with him a severely emaciated dog that was blind and deaf. He would kick and drag him when the dog would not listen. I knew right away there was something I did not like, so I tended to stay away from him. 10 years later and it is still the same thing. He completely disregards anything I say, and when I do something behind his back, I will hear him in the kitchen calling me an SOB and lazy b****. He hoard hunting magazines and freaks out if anyone gets rid of them, He also stashes food in hiding places so no one else can get it My mother and I are avid animal lovers and tend to take in strays and rescues. He has now threatened to leave my mom if they ever get any other pets.
I am a (upcoming junior) full time graphic design major with a 3.5 GPA and a $5,000 academic scholarship. I take care of all the animals (10 regular pets, 23 farm animals) clean the house, do the dishes, and anything else my mom asks me to do. I don't do drugs, drink, smoke, or any other illegal activities. He never yells at me in person (we barely ever talk) yet I can hear him outside calling me names. I tried living on campus for a year, but I could not stand the small rooms and lack of animals and the country.
I really just don't know what to do anymore, I have talked to my mom, and she has talked to him multiple times, but nothing ever happens. I only work summers so I can't afford to live on my own, and my dad's stepchildren just graduated so I really don't want to move in with him and his wife. I'm just looking for a way to deal with this for another 2-3 years. I spend more time at my boyfriend house than I do here.
To show you how disrespectful he is and why i am posting this:
Yesterday, my mom made steaks, potatoes, and asparagus for dinner. I had already ate so while my mom and he were in the kitchen, I walked in and asked them to save me a plate for dinner tonight. My mom said okay and I walked out. An hour ago I saw everyone was eating so I went to the refrigerator to get my plate, and it was not there. I went into the living room to ask where the plate was and my mom and pointed her head over to him. He was sitting in the dining room eating the plate she had saved for me that he heard me ask for.
I would strongly recommend
I would strongly recommend that you look at another major. My DW is a graphic design major, and was never able to find a job in the field. It is one of the "liberal arts" degrees that has a very thin market.
As far as you SD is concerned, you could either move back to campus, or tough it out. It's obvious that he's not going anywhere, and that you two will never be close. Just focus on getting out on your own.
Technically, my major is
Technically, my major is Visual Communications and Design. Graphic design is just an easier way to say it. When I graduate, I will be able to either work in design, marketing, publishing, or anything that deals with visually designing, producing, or selling something. I am also already planning on going to graduate school for Marketing.
You may not like to hear
You may not like to hear this, but there is not much you can do short of moving out or sucking it up. It looks like your mother has tried to talk to him about his behavior and he hasn't changed. If she decides to continue accepting his vile behavior, that is her problem because it is her husband. I understand that it sucks and I am sure it hurts you to see your mother with such a loser, but you can't really do anything in this situation except express your opinion, which it sounds like you have done. It may not be your first choice, but save whatever money you can during the summer to pay for housing on campus or an off-campus apartment and take out loans if it won't cover rent year-round. Also, you could try to get a job on campus to help you pay rent during the year. Most student jobs have a limit as to how many hours you can work during the week, so your boss won't schedule you more hours than you can handle, plus most campus jobs are flexible with hours and let you work in between classes. Libraries are particularly good because you can study while you work. I am about to graduate in June and I have been working at one of the libraries on campus for 2 years and I am not allowed to work more than 19 hours a week, school policy.
You are not in an easy
You are not in an easy situation but you do have options. I do see this man is selfish and I would say that he has many issues. You are trying to live with his issues that irritate you and your mom has tried to talk to him but it is more than likely his pride/ his kingdom/ nobody is going to tell me what I can and cannot do going on there. Unless your mom changes here way of trying to get thru to him there will be no change and she will eventually give up/ accept or leave herself.
Is there anyway to get a room mate and cut back on your hours at school, if need-be, or move onto campus? Short of finding a way out of the home, I think your otehr option is counseling for yourself so that a professional can steer you ahead.