I would cringe at that too. Just the mere fact that the BM is around period! No matter the reason. The only thing you need to remember is your SD loves you and knows what the BM has done in the past. You were there for the birth, I hope there are many pictures of it too. I am sure the BM is trying to one up you, but really you were there when her daughter delivered that baby!

You really have little choice but to trust that your SD will be a mother and protect her child from any negative crap the SD's BM might try. If BM aka the ex starts running her mouth SD is quite capable of shutting her BM down. SD is allowing her biological mother into her child's life. That you can't control. SD is an adult. But it's perfectly ok for the SD to ask her mother to leave her home if her mother starts in.

You really don't have to try and compete with the other woman. Obviously it was you the SD reached out to during her pregnancy and birth and in her time of need to her some 'mother' assistance. SD obviously thinks a great deal of you and I'm sure the grandchild will also. Only SD can handle or shut down her biological mother. I'm sure SD is well aware of the hurt and crazy her biological mother put her through. I'd think the SD will protect her child. SD knows how difficult and toxic can be. Trust SD to know when if necessary to limit the other woman presence around the child.

In the meantime, stay in contact with both SD and grandbaby. My sister is having to do 'grandma' from afar part-time recently. My niece is down south presently and my sister only gets to see her new and first grandchild about every six weeks. But in the meantime they send photos and videos and do lots of face-time via the technical devices that makes long distance so much easier now days.

I understand how you feel I think because we have similliar situations. Take heart in the fact that BM is a whacko & will show her true colors eventually, they always do! I would continue to be loving & supportive to your SD & wait for the other shoe to drop. My SD's BM was trying very hard to get back into SD's good graces but just can't help but show what at idiot she really is, she pales in comparison to a real mother like me. I bet if you continue to be the awesome mom to her that you have been, she will see the difference for herself. Hang in there & congrats on the new grandson!!

BMs will always try to compete with SMs. Just trust and love your daughter. Focus only on your relationship with her - that is the healthiest option.

Bad BMs always hang themselves. If she let her kid down, she will let the grandkid down too.

Oh dear.. you are writing my story, except the ending is not the same..not yet...so don't let it be.

LEAVE it alone. Your daughter will decide who and whom will be involved in the life of her child, and you will just have to deal with it. The BM will attempt to maneuver her way back in, and you must be prepared for the chance that her involvement may become something you are not prepared to watch or that can cause you much pain.

A "bad" BM will take the opportunity of a grandchild for a "do over" in parenting. I know you do not want to hear the words that blood is thicker than water, but it is true. Love your daughter, your grandson, and stay out of the BM issue. There is a chance you could come out on the losing end of the deal. My husband and I did, and we raised his children too. We barely see them today, the BM and her husband have taken over. I cannot explain to you the pain and hurt I have had. This situation more than likely will not occur for you, but don't be blindsided either. Grandchildren sometimes can change the once happy and familiar dynamic of the blended family.

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It would seem to me that any comments you make to your SD concerning her handling of her BM can only backfire on you as you would be criticizing your SD's decisions. Another reason to just leave it alone. Don't bring the subject up and if it comes up divert the discussion to something else as soon as decently possible.