Coping mechanism..
About 9 months ago, I disengaged from daughter of my significant other (DSO). She is a very manipulative liar and thief, who has stolen my clothes on two separate occasions and lied about it both times. I believe she is a "almost psychopath". She has spent her entire life trying to turn her father against the people around him because she knew she would benefit. She turned her father against her brother, who is very nice. She knew she would benefit (and she did). She hated her own mother, and was in battle for possession of her own father against her own mother. Again she succeeeded. Then after her mother dies I come along, and she thinks she will treat me awful like she treated her biological mother. I think her father, after 32 yrs of revolving around her is beginning to see her true colors. The problem is now whenever my SO makes me irate or upsets me, I rant and rave about his daughter. It is almost as if it is a coping mechanism on my part. It is no longer about what SO did wrong, now it is about what DSO did wrong. Does any one else have this problem?
I think this happens because
I think this happens because you have not resolved the issues you have with this women, she sounds truly awful, thank goodness your So is realising just how awful she is. I also have unresolved issues with the Sd6 in my life, same problem Daddy is too soft, however lately I've been much more open about my feelings, I will not watch anymore while he does his guilt parenting, which is actually more like no parenting, we deserve a medal for what we put with.
Every step parent on
Every step parent on steptalk, thank you for your support. I too cannot forget the deep hurt and personal pain I have experienced due to daughter of significant other (DSO). It is the mission of DSO to sabotage her father's relationship. It is very disturbing for a daughter to want her father to be alone, hence lonely. DSO is very nice to my face, and stabs me in my back, which makes her even more disturbing. In many ways I would prefer a step daughter or DSO who is nasty to my face, versus nasty behind my back. It makes things extra scary when I must always watch my back.
I love how honest people are
I love how honest people are on this site. I am holding on to anger too. It creeps up on me. Like SD16's attempts, some successful, to mess up our wedding plans. Sometimes the images of the stuff she did come into my head. I can't get them out.
He ofcourse forgets all of it immediately.
Now he has improved at his parenting and she is getting better. I need to get over it but I can't. I too rant and rave. He hates it. I love him. He loves me. The she comes to stay and I can't stand it and on it goes.
Has anyone sorted their head out on this stuff? it hurts like hell doesn't it?
I end up looking like a meanie and an obsessive.
How to move on?
I'd be guessing your husband
I'd be guessing your husband has never apologised to you for what his daughter put you through, and more importantly for his failure to do anything about it.
9 months is a very short space of time for you to get over the horrors of your husbands offspring. It is still all very fresh in your mind and emotions. I think it is pretty understandable that you would bring her up in arguements with your husband, but I think you would be doing yourself a favour if you didn't. You have disengaged, you need not acknowledge her existence, and why bring her back into your life and marriage even only in word form. Your husband's daughter you believe to be a psychopath, pure evil, and she may have NPD so keep her out of your home and your speech, for your sake.
It is going to take you some time to calm down over this especially if your husband has failed to even acknowledge it to you, let alone apologise for it.
Try to understand this, whatever your husband's daughter said or did, it was her father's place to put an end to it and he clearly failed to do so. Whenever you argue are you bringing her into it because you are still mad at him for letting it happen. I banned my husband's daughter from my home and life 10 months ago. Her personality sounds very much like your husband's daughter's personality. However, I do not feel the same rage and have never mentioned her name since, that is due to the fact that long before I banned her I came to realise that although she was an evil rude lying little cow (she is 30 by the way), my real problem was my husband, he let her say and do terrible things to me, and by his silence was not only condoning it, but taking part in it. Once I realised that, It was much easier to cope with, I stopped saying your daughter said this, your daughter did that and changed my speech to, why did YOU do nothing when your daughter did this, why did YOU say nothing when your daughter said that, why do YOU allow your daughter to disrespect you and I in our own home etc., I never complained about her I changed everything around to complaining about him. He didn't like me trying to make him responsible for his actions, and I think secretly he was thrilled when I banned her from here because he felt that he was off the hook. However, I don't give a damn what any of them think now, his family are well and truly out of my life and I will never allow anyone to treat me like that again - and that includes my husband.
I think you are perfectly normal and having a normal reaction to the traumatic experiences you have been through. Time will help, but in the meantime as I said, try not to even mention her name again, you don't need it on your mind or tongue.
You can not change people
You can not change people (skids) only yourself, these types will always be the same, most likely "Miserable". Like the old saying goes misery loves company. Stay away from it and once you are able to do that your wisdom will know the difference.
Turn your back and walk away. IGNORE is the key...
Nobody can take my happiness away from me only if I let them...