This is a bit long story I do apologize for the LONG vent….

I have been married to my DH for 6 years. He had a daughter from his previous marriage.  We were married when SD was 16. When she graduated from high school, her grade was not high enough to be accepted into local university but she wants to be a nurse. So I offered for her to move in with us (she was living with her mother only visit when she wants to) so she can go to the community college nursing program near our home and I even offered to pay for her tuition. At that time, I had helped DH to open up own business in health care. (I have a full time job; I used all my savings for this) I was hoping this way she stays in school and can get her feet into nursing program. She turn down the offer said she does not want to do it. I was a little disappointed but also understand maybe she needs some time off from school.  Later she started in a small college and lasted about 2 week saying she is by herself and she is homesick, live in the dorm is not for her. Her home is 45 min away from the school. She dropped everything and went home and stayed for about a year or so working as a baby sitter and working in day care. She later dated someone that was an alcoholic and got pregnant and was going to marry the guy. However, last minute she said she can not live with someone like that and can not go through the marriage and that she wants to aboard the child as well. (I know a lot people do not agree but please don’t judge)  As a step mother, I told her if she needs to talk or anything I am here for her. To be honest, I really don’t know what else I can do. Finally she calls it end to the relationship and got an abortion. When all is done, she was in the really bad mood and she said she needs to get away. I sent her and DH to go on a trip on their own and to get out of town and have some good times (with my money as my DH has not had any income or savings.  I was traveling for meeting myself during their trip). By now she is turning 20 years old and she wants to start school again but this time she want to come live with us and go to the college near our home. And this whole school thing lasted 2 weeks AGAIN. She left without much of an explanation. Months down the road she changed her mind again and wants to do it over. This time I talked to my husband that I think he needs to talk to her and explain to her this is her last chance that we needs to set rules. This back and force quit over and over is not acceptable and that coming home at 2am is not ok either (I have to get up 6am to go to work). I gave her my 100%, got a first day gift for going back to school took her to get a whole set of new clothes because DH said she does not have anything nice and don’t have much clothes. 2 days after I took her shopping her BF and her best friend came over and they all went out and just gone. We heard nothing from her. I asked my DH and he has no idea. I ask him to ask if she is coming back and if I need to leave the light on for her and we heard nothing back. She was gone for weeks and all we know was that she dropped out again (YES, AGAIN). At this point I was speechless because according my DH, him and my SD are extremely close even though his EX has custody but he had her most of the time. I did not want to hurt my DH’s feeling so I kept opinion to myself. I think she is using us to get away from her mother when she does not get her ways. Since her disappearance, she finds a job to answer phone calls in a hospital which had great hours and benefit. We were all kind of at an ease at this time she is doing something good for herself. About 3 month she had the job, shocking news took all of our breath away that she is pregnant. This time she decided to keep the baby no matter what. Again as a stepmother, the only thing I can do is to give her support when she needs. I was getting ready to have a baby myself and I had done my homework about healthy pregnancy so I have told her everything I knew and what supplement to take (which I have been taking for over a year. We tried for a long time). When her baby was born, I was 5 month pregnant; she wanted me to go to the hospital when she was in labor. I politely refused because no one knows how long she will be in labor and it is 1 hour drive for me after work and 1 hour drive back. And I explained to my DH for the wellbeing of me and the baby, I will go visit her at their home on weekend after they go home. Going to hospital in my condition is not a very good option. DH kept repeats how much she would like me to be there but at the end I refused. Baby was born 8pm that night. So the next day DH insisted again for me to go see her and I refused again as I have to go be at work. Later finds out it was a great decision I made NOT to go to hospital. The BD was yelling and cussing my SD out in front of everyone and threatened to beat / kill my DH. Hospital security had to escort him off the property and changed my SD’s room. BD has problem to control his temper and he had drug problem. His mother and sister both have drug issues. And he cheated on my SD which she was 6 month pregnant with their baby. All and all I personally think he is extremely verbal violent person and it is almost at the point it is abusive. Later on my SD seceded to marry him saying that’s the best thing to do for the baby. My DH was not happy about it and I think it was not very thoughtful as how can it be good for the baby when the person is not stable. But that is her decision again I kept my opinion private. I know step parent is the hardest job in the world because no matter what you do, you are wrong. However, considering the history of this guy, I told DH I accept the fact they are getting married but I DO NOT want him to be in our house and he agreed with me at the time. My point of view is that my SD wants to be around an unstable person and she chooses to be in an abusive relationship it is her choice and she is grown but I am not letting our now 11 month old daughter expose to or have a chance to expose to that. So last weekend SD said she is bring the baby for a visit and I am ok with that even though my baby screams and cry every time SD is getting close to her (no sure why, she was like that since she was 6 month old). When they showed up SD’s now husband was with them. I was so upset and mad when I found out she brought him without telling us he is coming knowing that he is not welcome into our house. I did everything I could to control my anger and not getting ugly. I am a very easy going person not getting mad easy. As matter of fact I have always said OK to whatever my DH and his daughter needs. My only bottom line is SD’S husband not to come into my home simply because no one can know when he will snap and I need to protect my family. After they left, I told my DH I don’t want him to be over here again that he needs to have a talk with his daughter. DH got mad and said if he tells SD never to bring him again then she won’t bring the baby again and that’s the only way for him to see his grandson. I told DH he can go visit them if SD’s husband has to be part of the party but he said he can’t because they live with his ex-wife and he does not want to see her. DH asks me even when his grandson involved if I can let him and I said NO. He has not been coming over for the past 15month since his grandson was born what’s make it such a big deal for him to come from now on. So now, DH sees me as the person stopping him to see his daughter and grandson and started silent treatment on me 3 days ago. We have not said a word to each other unless our baby is involved and baby needs something. I am not sure if I am asking too much or am I doing something wrong? Any suggestion or advice please…

P.S. not sure if this is relevant. My DH has never paid a dollar of house bill nor any household expense grocery, clothing etc. since the day we got married.