After 29 years my stepchildren have told me they have been faking feeling all this time for their father
I am going to try an keep this brief as possible.
I had been in pain for eight months before a diagnosis was reached. I had two herniated disks in my neck, along with severe bone spurs. I started taking lowest level pain meds, nerve pain and muscle relaxers. I worked 12-14 hours a week, I am an insurance agent of 20+ years and have been taking care of my husband who has had three lumbar spine surgeries, one car accident. Moreover, my husband is 73 and on medical leave from a banking job. Then this march I had cervical spine surgery myself. We have been married 28 years (1985) and his children were in college at the time. I am 8-10 years older than they are. With out lie I have been wonderful to them. Baby-sat, (seven grandchildren) cooked, given them my possessions right off my arm. We have vacation together and they would tell me they loved me. I am a recovering alcoholic of 17years. The action that has ruined the stepfamily relationship was my husband sending a list of medication (I had written down for my dr.) to my oldest stepdaughter and she emailed the list to her daughter who is a pharmacist. The pharmacist (granddaughter)did an analysis on all the drugs. In addition, sent back over the internet to mother, aunt. My husbands youngest daughter sent the analysis to my brother and called and said I was likely to hurt their father and in self-defense would hurt his back and it be devastating to their families. They have accused me of being a drug abuser, put out nasty emails and slandered me to the grandchildren kids. The youngest daughter was handling some legal things regarding her father’s car accident and when her father and I told her we could now move on without her, she screamed over the phone (ON speaker) shut up Maggie! The have now admitted to me they never really cared for me the sham was for there father. My husband feels in the middle even though he can see and visit them any day, any time or call them ECT. He started this mess and he has apologized to me for the grievous error. I believe him. Nevertheless, his kids are and have always been self-centered, conceited, thoughtless, and very unlikely to apologize. What can I do? I am willing to apologize for my one angry out burst to them (when we all met face to face) with out any "buts" It is very unlikely they will accept any responsibility. What would your advice be? I have no children but lots of loving friends and family.
Don't apologise. You have
Don't apologise. You have been abused by them via this analysis of your meds. Personally I would say it was probably ok for them to pretend to like you in order to make their dad feel better, so in a way, even though it's a slap in the face for you, you needn't be so concerned about them revealing that that was a sham. But the slurs on you and the suggestion that you are a danger to your husband mean that there is no reason to believe they will ever become favourable to you. So, forget them, leave him to have his relationship with them, and turn for companionship outside your marriage to the friends and family, not the in-laws and skids.
The Pharmacist took a huge
The Pharmacist took a huge chance that you won't sue her for breaking confidentiality. Do say that to anyone however it will get interpreted that you ARE going to sue the woman.
So the truth is known. Avoid them when possible, i.e. if your husband is to meet one of them for a meal, be polite when you must attend some family function such as a wedding but otherwise carry on your life without them. If any one of them reaches out a hand grasp it and make your piece.
I basically agree with
I basically agree with Poodle,but have to add that I lost my husband after 20 years of marriage and it became clear that the SKs had never loved me or cared for me when it came to inheritance issues. I did all the same things you did: entertained them, cooked, bought presents, babysat, etc. etc. If you don't have the money squared away, you're in for trouble and you might be anyway even if it is squared away. At this point I know I will not have relationships with them. They have turned my grand-kids against me when we used to be so close. I heard this week that my SS told my granddaughter she wasn't allowed to speak to me until she turns 18. I only hope that this behavior makes them turn to me instead. On a daily basis my grandchildren are being told that I am evil! I never thought that they would stoop so low. My SK are closing in on 50 and behave as if they are teenagers. Anyway, please don't apologize! They've just told you they don't care about you. Seek out friends for support. Best of luck and hugs...
Is this the future we all
Is this the future we all face? Has anyone done a stepfamily study of the golden years of life? I know there is one study that says it takes 4-7 years for stepfamily to work well. Many of our situations prove that one wrong!
This is a very simple reply
This is a very simple reply to your question...after 23 years my stepchildren finally won!! I have been forced out of my own home when my SS36 came to live with us after being thrown out of his own home by his wife, he's a drug addict, and a bully and has been his whole life. My DH is so guilt ridden after my SS overdosed that he simply can't function as a husband. There's so much more, SD's (30 and 35) and BM are quite content with daddy taking care of SS so that no one else has to deal with him. Think hard about what kind of future you want!!
I'm confused, did the
I'm confused, did the pharmacist have your permission to share? Did anyone? I handle medical records all the time and this is a big no no.
The pharmacist did not have
The pharmacist did not have my permission. No one had permission. I gave my husband the information and told him not to share the info with anyone but my doctors and my two brothers. He faxed the list to his daughter and the SD sent the list to her daughter the pharmacist,her sister and their brother.
I want to take this opportunity to thank you for your comments ;=)
Jennaspace-the info was not
Jennaspace-the info was not taken from the chart. It was a list of medications written by OP given to the pharmacist SGD (by SD who got it from OP DH) who looked the meds and their interactions. Scary stuff having people in your business like that OP. I wonder if they could try to use this information against you if anything ever happens to DH. Does anyone know if there is anything OP can do to protect herself now that this info is out there?