After 28 year of being the greatest step mom now they hate me
Hello! I am 58 years old, married to husband 28 years, never had children with my husband or anybody and husband has 2 daughters 49,51 and son 50. We have enjoyed a good relationship up until 03/2012. Their father is 15 years older than I am he is 74 and is still working. 3 years ago he had a back injury then a car accident (not his fault) and 2 more back surgeries. Of course their was a lawsuit against the at fault party. I started having neck pain in 2011 and was finally diagnosed 11/2011 with surgery scheduled in 03/2012. My husbands final back surgery was 01/2012. He did fine and we are hopeful he can play golf again. 12/2011 we went to SD house for Christmas and DH was drinking and I was taking pain medicine. DH got drunk and could not drive us home. no other at the gathering offered so I drove. We got home fine but I was impaired. SD did not work and asked if she could help us with the attorney stuff (CAR Accident) since we were both in pain and I was working. In one of the meetings she and her dad attended, the attorney talked down to her and really ticked SD off. DH kids are all very aggressive opinionated, intolerant people. Just like dad. I happened to be an insurance agent for 25 years. It became very obvious that SD was obsessed and with her words "taking attorney down" It got personal. Day and night she would be calling her father and myself and anybody else that would listen to her. The case was going to be settled and there was an amount of money in the policy (contract) and attorney got 33%. DH and myself just wanted to settle and move on. But sd was not through with the attorney. She was going to make his life miserable with the Bar Assoc.ect. and try to get his fees. We are talking a seasoned trail attorney and a very simple insurance contract. On a Sat morning DH told SD we were moving on with the lawyer and just wanted it over. We were on speaker phone and I went to say something and SD said SHUT-UP. Well I was home 1 week from surgery and call it pain medicine or whatever but I told her You will never tell me to shut up again. SD and sister have had a battled relationship forever. SD calls back and says to me now I have to make up with my sister because if dad can't work my brother and I's family will be financially devastated. So here is the root... money. After this happened I got a feeling from the way my husband was acting that something was going on. So I checked his emails and sure enough, sd had convince all siblings I was a drug addict and needed help. ( I am not any such thing). I saw where my DH had given prescription receipts to her over the internet and she sent them to my grand daughter pharmacist for analysis. The list was of trail and error drugs before my surgery and drugs prescribed after surgery. Many I was no longer taking . I had herniated disks lying on my spinal cord. Yes I was on pain medication, muscle relaxers. They continued to collaborate via email behind my back and when they finally wanted to meet and it was very nasty. You see bio mom died of a stroke,from alcohol and pain medicine. Before she became really ill she took a job in ca and ended up very sick in Ohio. When they went to get her the kids fought about who was going to care for her etc. so she died in a home over New years that year. I must also mention I am a recovering alcoholic with 20years of sobriety. SD who called me a drug addict has compared me with her mother for years. Your were more physiologically addicted mom was physically addicted. I would just say hum and move on. This same girl would also refer to my mother as a drunk whenever I would say my mother did this or that. ( My mom died in 1980 of cancer) yes my mother and dad drank but my mother was refined and not a drunk. I never said a word when sd would say this. Well she kept tell DH she knew I was a drug addict because she saw her mother. And she kept repeating it in these emails I was reading. So when all SK came to our house to intervene, SD said ,"can I use your bathroom? Is it clean? I have a friend who helps with the house and I am very neat. This SD gal however is a complete slob. I started to get my hair up. It went down hill from there and after 29 years for the first time ever I dump my bucket. I told them all what I thought of them and told them I was stronger than their mother and to get out of the house. Since then they have convince my dh to divorce me three times and to leave me once. He has come back every-time. SD has call me a stupid f'ing slut and many other names and finally after 3 hair drug test all negative, I was admitted to the hospital for possible heart attack and it was nothing but complete stress. When SD found out she broke into our home and stole my receipts and medical docs and told my husband I went to the hospital to get drugs. They have alienated all the Grand kids from me and I have been around since all 7 were born. Here is my question.I feel they are plotting something to get control of my husband in his old age and will accuse me of hurting him. Of course there would be no proof because I would never but how do I protect myself from these folks. I am scared and seeing a therapist. My true friends call me the nicest person they know for what that is worth.Thank you for listening. If you can help me understand not to be afraid I would be so grateful.
You need to make sure the
You need to make sure the wills and power of attorneys all protect you. She sounds terrible.
wow. Never allow her in
wow. Never allow her in your house again for any reason. she has no power and being on pain meds is not against the law. she is cuckoo.
Call the cops and press
Call the cops and press charges on her stealing prescription drugs from your home.
It only took this long for
It only took this long for them to show their true colours because you have no kids so they have never worried about who will get dads money, property etc., However, now they are faced with dad being old, having back issues, realising he won't be around forever and of course, there is now a large chunk of money that THEY would like THEIR share of NOW.
I don't know what to say except your husband needs to rip into her for these emails and accusations against you. If he does that, things will probably settle back down, if he does nothing, he is by his failure to put his daughter in her place, giving her the distinct impression he agrees with her, and I can assure you, once she gets that message, things will only get worse.
You and DH need to get all involved over and DH needs to read the riot act.
I want to thank you all for
I want to thank you all for your wisdom. I need to make some clarifications to my original post. DH is working because we as a couple made some bad investments. We can not afford for him not to work at this time. He says he wants to work. The insurance benefits are necessarry. The SK;s said to me recently, take care of our father. He is going to drop dead on the job. And told me I need to sell my 2005 lexus and get rid of my friend/employee who cleans my house twice a month Do this so you can make adjustments in finances so dad can quit working. They are faced with him being old and none of them are care takers so they will not help me when I need it. They are terrified they might have to supplement his income if he can't work. He is afraid to tell them leave me alone (us) because they will say I don't want to see you dad and you wont see your gk's. Presently I'm the one they have forbid to have anything to do with the gk. They have told all seven I have a drug problem. DH sees them on his b-day,fathers day,and either christmas or thanksgiving. I might mention these kids are all college educated and fairly afluent. There is no inheritance. If he lives out his life policies,and I hope he does, there will be no money to speak of. I will have to to bury him using loans. The bottom line is they see his continued marriage to me as a betrayal. Becaue I told them off for the first time in 29 years. BTW. SD did not steal perscriptions just medical records. she wnt through my cabinets ect. Bottom line, they think I would hurt him deliberatly, they think I will spend money recklessly so he can not retire. When he does die they will blame me saying I killed him. I miss my grandkids
and here is where I am really struggling. I do have power of attorneys and he had a will but I agree a living trust would be a good idea. I have no problem with DH remaing in a good relationship with his kids. He is there father. But when they start on me it stresses him out bad. He is totally in the middle and knows he contributed to the mess heavily. Thank you again for listening ;=)
Yes he contributed to the
Yes he contributed to the mess and until he cleans up what he didn't, speaks up and says something, it will just get messier and messier. They won't stop now. All the DHs who refuse to stand up to their kids all have the same excuse. But they won't speak to me. This then stems not from recent or one off incidents, but from their upbringing. Allowing adult kids to treat him and you like this is wrong, his refusal to deal with it is selfish. He's looking out for his feelings, and throwing you under the bus. His kids doing this to him at this age, well not only are they selfish, but the stress they put him under will kill him. But they will never see or admit that ultimately they ruined the last years of their fathers life, helped to end his life, and sent him to his grave miserable and unhappy. Well, unless he tells them this. But he won't.
It really does seem like they
It really does seem like they are after their inheritance I hope you can get your husband to see that
... be strong, get legal advice, know your rights and protect yourself, be prepared for the worst of their behaviour, they will be devious.
Don't let it upset you so much that you have a breakdown, or they might claim you are incapable of making decisions yourself. Be strong, take care of yourself, you can and will beat them! And when the time comes for you to write your own will, leave all your money to a charity so the gold-digging suckers won't get a cent!
Would be great if you could sell up and move away from them, take things into your own hands.
Downsize while you can both enjoy and free up some of your cash.
Buy a smaller place, and put it into your own name only not joint names. Do this all without the stepkids knowing.
Then go on the holiday of a lifetime with your husband, spend money on enjoying your life together.
Go away for a whole year!
I keep telling my parents not to leave anything behind, spend the lot of it! (I know there will be problems with my brother)
Best of luck with it all, stay strong you can beat them.
I just want to say that
I just want to say that should your husband die suddenly things will get worse, not better. My step children wanted everything, no matter that it was a long-term marriage. It became very ugly. They turned the grandchildren against me and I haven't spoken to any of them for nearly a year. The lack of drama has been blissful My husband refused to reign his kids in. I would never marry such a man again!
Lucy, you are always in the
Lucy, you are always in the back of my mind. Glad you posted. I was wondering how you were doing!