Your house, your rules. If mom doesn't like it then you're better off without her because it won't get better. SD will be an adult under your roof sponging off of you forever.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

This will only get worse Chawk. I have a 20 year old biodaughter that is driving both myself and my husband(her stepfather) over the edge. Thankfully I'll be putting her on the bus to bootcamp February 7th.

Where I made my mistake is accepting that my daughter absolutely has no idea what responsibility is. She has no idea how to manage money and she has no idea that at her age it is time for her to make a life of her own. She leaves.. she come back.. she leaves.. she comes back. My mistake is allowing her to do so and enabling her behavior.

While I'm not suggesting throwing the girl out, there definitely has to be some ground rules for living in your home now that she is an adult. If she has graduated school, she should either be going to college and working part time, or she must have a full time job. She should be charged rent and she should have a list of household responsibilities to take care of.

Parents are not doing their children any favors by making it easy for the adult children to live at home. They must learn how to live separate from the parent. It is our job to prepare them for that. I have woefully failed. I am trying now to fix it. My husband has been very patient, but he is my knight and protector and sees how she takes advantage of me and it drives him wild.

I'm sure this is where you are now. Perhaps if you talk to your girlfriend and discuss slowly putting adult responsibilities on your "sd" and how that will benefit her daugther in the long run, you might all save yourself a lot of grief.

Nope.. she can ride a bike then. Your GF needs to make that a rule of living at home. If she isn't in school, she has to have a job so she can GET HERSELF A CAR.

Then unless you two can compromise and come up with some ground rules for your sd to live with you, it has to be a dealbreaker.

Why is it that your wife thinks this is acceptable behavior from an 18 year old?

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

I lived your life, Chawk, and it doesn't end well. The SD18 saw us as her personal ATM, housecleaners, food-buyers, servants, snow-shovelers, car-buyers, insurance-payers, cooks, and dishwashers. It was nice to be the Queen of Entitlement, and SD thought she ruled the house.

After a year of begging DH to set limits with SD, I finally told DH that it was either me or SD--I wasn't going to live in the same house anymore. He had 2 weeks to decide, and I started packing and looking for a new place to live so he could see how dead serious I was. After accusing me of beng insensitive and all sort of other enabler vocabulary that we are all so familiar with, DH reluctantly asked (asked!) SD to move out, and at first she laughed at him and refused. I kept packing.

SD did move out, though. Let me tell you, personal responsibility is almost impossible for Queens of Entitlement. SD never got a job, couch-surfed and mooched off family and friends for 2 full years (!), and is now pregnant. She figures that having a baby means she (1)won't ever have to work and can mooch off the state for the rest of her life, and (2) has new leverage to get money from DH.

This story didn't end well. I hope yours ends better. At some point you have to take a stand or lose a significant amount of control over your own life in service to your Queen.

And who will be helping the wife pay for her new car? And who will pay for SD's insurance? And what is the rule before handing the keys over to SD? Does she need to land a job first or does she get the car outright? And why does she need a car, she finds a way to her parties?

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

I can tell you, I didn't have a car of my own until my sophomore year of college, and I bought it. But I worked since I was 11. SD can walk, ride a bike, ride the bus, pay someone to pick her up. It IS possible. I worked at a veterinary clinic, a retail store. I babysat, I cleaned houses, I mowed yards.

The car is an excuse, and your mate bought into it by GIVING SD a car. This isn't going to fix anything, and it certainly isn't justified by her behavior. Good luck, but if something doesn't changes soon SD is going to be mooching off your mate for the rest of your life.

Nip her behavior in the bud now by having a long conversation with your girlfriend. My 26 year old SD lives with with me and DH. I moved in with them in 2008, and have no children. Even though she has a job, her own car, and pays a small amount for rent (less than $100) since she's lived with her dad she's had no chores. When I moved in, we all agreed upon chores, and time and time again she's refused to do them. Since I was the one who insisted on structure she resents me and the feeling is mutual. After giving DH a good tongue lashing about how good he's been to her, how she takes advantage of him and walks all over him, but won't lift a finger to do her chores, he became infuratied and told her "you can't live here without making a contribution to the household chores." She did her chores but got mad and didn't speak to him for a week. This is what happens when you coddle your adult children. It's just a matter of time before DH will have to talk to her again about her chores because she's lazy. I'm looking forward to her moving out (hopefully in a year or so) as she's an annoying slob. So talk to your girlfriend about enforcing boundaries and structure, or you'll likely be dealing with this foolishness for years to come. And SD will still be living at home at age 30!