I know that this is breaking your heart. By bonding with and loving your sgd, you feel you ARE her grandmother. I know how you feel...I love my sgrandchildren very much. But I finally realized two things. First, their mother uses them like a weapon like yours does. And second, if my DH got hit by a bus tomorrow, I would NEVER get to see them again. Sad, but true. But I so sorry you're being hurt by your DH low life offspring. I'm glad he stood by you and your daughter though. Imagine how ashamed he is of all his wretched spawm. And newwife is right...they will eventually poison her against you anyway and be just like them.

This is exactly why I haven't bothered to be interested in SD27's kid. SD27 uses whatever she thinks will hurt DH the most, and now that there's a grandkid, I am sure at some point she will be used as a pawn. I don't need her trying that crap on me as well.

Good for your husband for standing by you and seeing that wrong is wrong no matter who is doing it.

You know what, you are so lucky to have your husband standing by you through all of this. You are lucky your daughter is not being bothered by your married SS anymore. I have grandchildren, and I understand how it would feel to not see them again, and even though this one is a stepgrandchild you obvioulsy bonded with her and miss her terribly. But you need to be grateful these stupid people are out of your life and your husband is doing the right thing. They have clearly shown the type of people they are, if they had not witheld their child from you over this, sooner or later they would have found another reason to do it. That is just who they are. I agree with Whimsey6, accept the relationship is over and stop trying to get back into this family because even if you get over this hurdle, trust me, next time you tick them off, they will do it again, so you will spend the next 18 years or so fighting time and time again to see this child. It's not worth it. Let them see YOU are moving on without them or their child and never again allow them to blackmail you with this child. Your daughter will if she has not already perhaps give you your own grandchildren. This may be a loss for you, but these parents have taken something so very special from their daughter, and really do you want to be with people who would hurt their own child just to be spiteful to someone else. Be glad they are out of your life and keep it that way.

Well i for one would like to wish you a happy mothers day and him a happy fathers day!...... Guessing drugs , alcohol or money part of the issue. It must be aweful but tough love at the moment will be best. If you think your grandbaby is in danger say something but if not unfortunately you are stuck waiting. Even if you should have gone to the police in the begining but didnt you can still discuss it now... where i live i have been a volunteer victims advocate fir 20+ yrs and deal with police lawyers emergency responders of all types and if you want free basic advice you can email me... then u certianly will not have gossip floating around town vix1pal@gmail. I know the typical responses or typical next steps... but in the mean time i would make sure it is well know wills have been rewritten (even if they havent but arguement clauses have been places in them... anyone who contests this will can recieve a maximum of $5 inheritance) takes the nastiness right out of folks really fast... but email if you want to check about speaking to police now ... but if its safety of your grandbabies call now

Echoing the others you're lucky your husband is taking your side. A stand-up fellow indeed. After all wrong is wrong no matter what relationship exists.

Unfortunately as the others have said you are powerless. However Dad may have some rights as a grandparent to see the kid - maybe even win the right to take the kid away from the parents for a day as in parental visitation. It depends on which State you live in.

But it would be expensive and probably just prolong your sad feelings even if you did see the kid once a month or so. My advise to Dad is to stop all communication to his son - block his phone, email, social sites like Facebook. No birthday, holiday or other occasion cards to him and his family at all.

Hopefully the son will see the light in a few years. He knows where to find his father - let it lie on his shoulders. If I were Dad my final comment to my son would be is that he should expect to be treated by his children as he shows them how he treats his parents. Do it by the last email and immediately block his address so his reply is rejected.

First, good your husband is standing by your side. What they are doing is wrong.

Second, sorry about your granddaughter. I think it is pathetic that people do such things. It is one thing if you were talking bad about THEM to their kid or something, in those cases I can see a parent keeping a child from someone...but if that is not the case, and it is obvious, that is NOT the case here, that is just wrong.

On a side note, every time I hear things like this I am glad that I disengaged so quickly after loser (DHs daughter) and her mother and the rest of his family turned her against me. It hurt like hell to have someone who I was so nice to cause so much turmoil in my relationship, tell others that she was "afraid" of me, etc...but it was enough for me to completely disengage. I totally resent the family for taking away from us the relationship that we could have had, but I am glad that I did not subject myself to more suffering at the hands of those people.

This is exactly why I am not having a relationship with my FDH's son's baby, who is not yet born. This poor child will only be a pawn, and I am NOT going through the loss you are experiencing now.

I am so sorry you have had all this happen to you, and like everyone said, your husband is supporting you, and that is the best thing that could have happened.

Hold on to the memories of your granddaughter, and focus on a future with the people who love you and support you.

I have gone through what you are going through..these kids of ours think that being a parent gives them ownership.If they love thier kids so much why in the world do they hurt them by depriving them of loving grandparents.This is selfish and , sad and controlling..when I finally got to see my grandkids( and I never knew why it happened in the first place, no one would tell me...that was the worst part) The oldest girl hugged me and wouldn't let go, she cried her heart out and said in private" I missed you so much Gramma, I begged my mummy and daddy ( my son) to bring me to see you and they just kept saying no.This is good parenting??I had these 3 kids every weekend, I took them everywhere,played with them, did crafts, I bought them clothes and did what grandparents do..love them.I never spoiled them with candies and junkfood like I see my friends do with thier grandkids, I nurtured them and loved them with all my heart and they were zapped away from me for spite..it still breaks me up to think about it.
I am so sorry that you are going through this.Can you take these selfish parents to court and get visiting rights..if you can't afford a lawyer, represent yourself..you can do..I wish I had..don't give up..this child needs you <3

I'm the nightmare case. When my husband was alive I had a delightful relationship with SGKs. I was in my oldest's life for 14 years. Now that he is gone and they are fighting me over the will and trust, they quickly turned my SGKs against me. And they did that precisely because they knew their children loved me and they wanted to make me pay. My SS told his daughter she wasn't allowed to speak to me until she was 18. Yes, they are being poisoned against me, but I still have slivers of hope that they will eventually want to see me again. I keep send cards and gifts, but don't overdo it, in hopes that they will remember the wonderful times we had and decide that I'm not such a bitch after all when they are adults.

Lucy51, I hope they do come back to you. Age 18 is only 4 years away! My counselor told me that those sgkids will start remembering all the fun and love they had with me and may seek me out. They may figure out what a "flake" their mom really was! Another mind trick I use is I could live 3000 miles away from them and not be able to see them anyway like alot of gparents I know. We just keep sending cards and notes. Although , I will tell you that I have had them opened by their mother and "thrown" on my front porch! In the meantime, I took down all their pics because it made me cry and just pray for them.

Towanda, thanks. Things keep escalating with the SC and SGC. Luckily, I have the 14 yr. old's mom on my side and she lets me know what's going on. Maybe it would be better if I didn't know, but I'm one of those people who likes to know more than not know. It's funny. I've taken down most of their pictures, too. They just make me too sad.

Lady you are fortunate to have your DH stand up against them. I wish my DH would do that for me instead of trying to straddle the fence. This type situation is why I am glad to be disengaged from the skids and their kids. My DH almost died five years ago...maybe his D's can't appreciate that he is still with them to have met his Gkids even.
I have a GD from my D and I focus my love on her. She knows who I am. The others from the skids don't even see my DH enough to know him. I have a close friend who is my D's age and has two children who I am involved in their lives. When I am out and see a book I think they will like I buy it for them, and little gifts for their birthday and Christmas, just like they are my family. And they are...they are my chosen family, not stuck with family like the SD's.
So while it is sad now for you, remember the good times. Get grandparents visitation rights if you and your DH want to see his Gkids. but know that once he is gone the relationship with the Gkids likely will be too given the history. Perhaps you can focus your grandmotherly love on some volunteer work with children or something positive. Don't let the skids hold you hostage, there are people in the world that can be accepting of your love and reciprocate with care and respect. go hold babies in the church nursery on Sundays or something...
I am really impressed that your DH stood by you. That seems to be a very rare event in steptalk land. Yeah for you both.

I understand you worrying about the grandchild missing you, I would too. But, as horrible as this sounds, kids are resilient. They will ask a couple of times, they will miss you at first, but all too soon, they get over it. They are just kids, so thankfully for them they will as I said get, over it very quickly, all they really need is a constant adult figure in their life for continuity and they're happy. Be glad of that, because for the sake of the kids, it is good that children handle things like this. You unfortunatley will miss them forever and I am very, very sorry for you over that. But do not worry about them missing you too much, they will get over it quite quickly. I hope one day you get a chance to meet up with them again if this is what you want, but hopefully they will seek you out with love and not with their hand out looking for a car. Now I say this to pre warn you, not to be cruel. My husband has seen his eldest grandson probably 4 times in the last 10 years, he is being brought up to hate my husband and myself, on the 4 occassions my husband saw him, this boy never spoke a word, just played with his handheld computer game. But given the way he is being brought up, I fully expect to meet him again at 18 for a car, and maybe even 16 for legal fees to get him out of trouble. Which he will definately not be getting. You do have to be mindful of the type of parenting your grandkids are getting. Please take some comfort in the fact that you are actually missing the kids more than they are missing you.

Lady, I so know how you feel. We were not allowed to see 2 of my DH's gkids that had lived with us for 9 months for about a year. Long story short, my oldest SS is an alcoholic and picked a major fight with me one night after a very difficult and trying month or so of he and his wife fighting excessively and they stopped talking to us and eventually moved out a month later and would not speak to either my DH or I for a year. I so worried about what they told the gkids in that absence and I so missed their sweet little faces. SS really messed up a year later and reached out to his Dad and now we see them and their children every week in church and other times too. When I saw the gkids for the first time they were still so warm and loving to me and I felt so relieved. I don't believe their parents told them bad things about us while we didn't see them for that year. My SS and his wife are actually very good parents and they put their children ahead of themselves so I think they knew they shouldn't tell their kids bad things about us or teach the kids to dislike us. So Lady, please be patient and perhaps in time your SGKIDs will again be a part of your life. I know it hurts now but time can change alot of things.

cmwolfe1264 that is absolutely wonderful to hear. Congratulations to the parents of your SGKIDS, they are very lucky kids to have parents who put their children's needs and what is best for their children ahead of their grievences. I am very happy for you. It is nice to see a happy ending.

Find a child who NEEDS you ...

"Perhaps you can focus your grandmotherly love on some volunteer work with children or something positive."

So agree with this statement and was going to suggest it myself. There are so many children out there who would LOVE to have someone give them the attention and affection they crave. And those children may very well grow up to be adults who consider you an important and worthwhile part of their life, unlike your skids. I would suggest you and your DH look into volunteering with an organization like that - just check with your local United Way for a good one and one which really needs the volunteers.

Remember, love is what binds people. Not biology.