Adult SS21 needs help
I am serious need of some help here. I have been married for almost 7 years now. Moved across the US to start over with this man and his son. SS has called me mom since day one, his bio mom has never been in his life. He is now 21 years old.
Our home is small, my girls have a small room, my son and SS have one, and hubs and I have the master room. Recently, both of my girls bought cars moved out (they are 20 and 18). They work at Starbucks and Jimmy John's, so nothing major, but both are supervisors and work hard every day. My son is 16, just bought a car, goes to school (senior in HS), and works part time.
SS refuses to get his license. As long as he doesn't ask me for rides everywhere I really couldn't care less. We have tried to help him with driving, he just has no interest. He works at a local grocery store, same kind of jobs as the other 3 kids. However, he is LAZY. He is messy. He doesn't take care of himself. Doesn't bathe without being told to. Doesn't do laundry without being told to. Doesn't brush his teeth, you get the drift. He will go so far as to PRETEND to shower, just walk in the bathroom for awhile and then come out again, smelling like BO and axe body spray.
He can't, and won't cook. He can't even make ramen noodles. What kid can't make ramen?! He has gained about 40lbs from eating fast food. He will only eat at home if whatever I make doesn't look healthy. I make a giant salad? Well, he's not coming up for dinner. Make stuffed peppers? Nope, it's green!
He was told he has to be out by summer. He isn't even looking. I printed off 20 local apartments within walking distance to his job. I came home today and he was trying to move into the recently vacated room, and I had to stop him and tell him no, he is moving OUT, And I'm moving his GRANDMA into that room. That was over an hour ago, he is still sitting on the floor in there, doing goodness knows what.
We have had to take his ATM card away because he will spend his whole paycheck at GameStop. He now has a little over $4,000 saved, plenty to move out... But I worry what will happen with him as he obviously can't care for himself.
What do I do?!? Hubs and I are lost.
My bad. 22, almost 23...
My bad. 22, almost 23...
Google Failure to Launch
Google Failure to Launch syndrome. You guys will have to start smaller than "be out by summer". Start by demanding he get some therapy to address his anxiety and likely depression.
I'm looking into it now this
I'm looking into it now
this wasn't the first step, guess I should have lead with that... This was more of a "at out wits end" bit. Unfortunately he doesn't have health insurance, and I'm not sure what he qualifies for for former military. He was released early, general discharge, so I think he can qualify for things, just not sure all what.
General DIscharge is mid way
General DIscharge is mid way to a Dishonorable. Not a resounding confirmation of quality service by any means. My cousin's DH squeeked out a General rather than a dishonorable due to a failed drug test for Marijuana while in the Army. He has not been able to get a job as an EMT through he was a Medic in the Army and is a licensed EMT in the State where they live.
I hope that your SS can launch. I would take him to sign a lease and make the deposit on his own place out of his savings and call the locksmith to rekey the locks.
As for medical insurance.... his parents can cover him until age 26 but it is not a legal requirement for them to do so. However, he must have insurance unless the ACA penalty has been lifted which I think it has. He can still get insurance on the exchange. We have sought coverage on the exchange when I have been between benefited roles in my career. It works great with a number of coverage options that will fit most income levels.
You can find therapists that
You can find therapists that will take a relatively low out of pocket fee (like $60).
Don't kick him out and change the locks, he needs more help than that.
No he doesn't. He sounds lazy
No he doesn't. He sounds lazy and entitled. Fire under his ass will do wonders.
This brings back memories and
This brings back memories and not good ones. I married and moved in with DH and his then 17 year old son, Sr in high school. DH was still doing SS laundry. At 21 he didn't work, played games all day and night and didn't want to get his license.
He does have some psychologic issues and is on meds but can function fine. DH was an enabler. We went to marriage counseling over this.
She gave us a plan to follow to get him to get his license and a job.
It was I who did the work and told him he had to get a job or move out.
He did get his license and a part time job in a liquor store.
At 26 he was still living with us snd DH finally agreed to a deadline for him to move out. He bounced around to friends, family, roommates. Nothing worked out.
He is now living with BM.
You may have to have your SS evaluated for mental illness and then counseling for you and DH for advice.
Good luck.